How to you stay on track during times of stress and grief?

I'm so very sorry for your family member's diagnosis. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

You have to eat, but it sounds like you know that. If you don't have much appetite, I'd say just go with some protein shakes for the time being-that way you're getting fluid and protein. It's not the best solution, but it's what I would do if I were in your shoes.

As far as the avoidance of compulsive eating goes-I journal. I write down all my thoughts no matter what, completely unfiltered, for myself. I've kept a journal for 30 years now, and it's helped me when nothing else has.

I hope you can find a way to stay the course, be there for your loved one, and still stay on track. Please take care of yourself.

Thanks, Salty Hag. I appreciate your kind words. Tonight I am mixing up a blender full of protein shake to take with me to the hospital tomorrow, and packing my bento box with healthy snacks. Journaling is a great idea. I've used journaling in the past to help get through emotional upheavals, and found it to be a very helpful tool.

Even though I know what I need to do, it makes such a difference to hear it from others. Thank you.

On September 3, 2018 at 1:06 PM Pacific Time, kamac wrote:

We all know sticking to our food plan can be tough at times. I'm 8 weeks post-surgery, and while it hasn't always been easy, I've stayed focused and on track. Reading and posting here has been very helpful.

So I'm wondering if any of you kind folks have any advice for me. Because right now I'm really struggling. I know what I should be doing. I know I can do it if I choose to. But I just feel like I can't. I guess I need advice and a swift kick in the pants.

Situation is a dearly loved family member has received a serious cancer diagnosis seemingly out of nowhere. This happened Friday night, in the ER. We are still waiting for more test results and information, and are in a kind of limbo. But based on what we know now, it's going to be bad.

My struggles with food are this: I can't eat. I'm bringing cheese and protein bars to the hospital for myself, but I can't eat. My chest/sleeve feels tight and strangled. I feel guilty at the thought of eating.

At the same time, I've reverted to old compulsive eating habits. Saturday night, after having not eaten since Friday lunch, I scarfed 2 Big Macs (lettuce wrapped no bun). I was full after one and should have thrown the other one in the garbage. But I ate it, even though it tasted disgusting to me and I was already full. It's the first time since surgery I've eaten so compulsively. I never want to eat like that again.

Yesterday, I made a vow I would eat properly. I did manage to drink more water. But again, I didn't eat. Last night I had a protein bar before going to bed, around 2am.

I know I need to keep my own health up in order to support the people I love. I know I need to eat better. And I'm very lucky because my loved ones have been nothing but supportive during my surgery process, and have been encouraging and reminding me to eat and stick to my plan.

I know I need to eat mechanically by the clock. Cheese, nuts, protein bar (when I look at meat my stomach turns). I need to make up protein shakes to take with me (I'm allergic to whey so unfortunately Premier Protein or any other ready-to-drink shake is a no go). I need to keep sipping water all day and get in 64oz.

I know I need to get this under control, because things are going to be difficult for the foreseeable future.

I'm calling my therapist Tuesday morning, to get in to see her asap.

Anyone who has gone through the same thing, how did you stick to your plan? How did you manage to eat and/or not fall back on old bad habits?

Sorry for the long rambling post. Just writing this out is helping me feel more accountable and focused. Sincere thanks for any advice you folks have to offer.

you know honestly, this is life. This is not the last sad, difficult thing that is going to happen to you.

Life after your WLS is still your life, going to be your life, through bad and good.

Musing your therapist to continue finding ways to stop comforting yourself with food is excellent.

While you are having trouble eating,just drink. We can live weeks without eating, and your body will burn your stored fat and use it for energy. Burning stored fat equals weight loss.

drink if you can?t eat. Dehydration can be deadly and we can only live for days of severely dehydrated.

most everyone with addiction problems, alcohol drugs, sex use those crutches just like we use food.

We can learn to cope without our addiction choice just like they learn to cope without theirs.

dont let yourself revert to old eating patterns. (Big Macs.) you are using this bad news to allow yourself to binge on unacceptable foods.

Mid you can?t eat on plan, then eat nothing. Drink on plan liquids instead.

I think I need to print out your reply and tape it to my fridge. You hit the nail on the head. Life is hard. And addiction does not make life any easier.

You're right about hydration. Today I got my water in, and it's made a big difference to how I'm feeling. No matter what's going on, if I can drink my fluids and stay away from harmful foods, I'll be okay.

Thank you, hollykim. This reality check is just what I needed.

Stress and grief come to us all. It is never easy. Earlier this year, my father committed suicide. My mother is suffering from Alzheimer's, which factored into that. Stress and grief have been a huge part of my life since January.

Determine that you will eat right each day. You only have to make it through that day. The next day, do it all over again, for one day. You will fail from time to time. It is not the end of the world. Resolve to do better the following day and then do it. You will succeed.

I'm so sorry about your father, and your mom. That's a lot to carry. It must be extremely difficult.

Thank you for the encouragement. One day at a time is one of my favourite mantras. I've been saying it a lot the last couple of days with respect to this cancer bombshell, but I've obviously forgotten I need to apply it to myself and my eating habits. Thanks for the reminder, LittleBillJr. I hope you are well as can be, and taking good care of yourself.

Thank you. I am doing well. We play the hand we're dealt, and we can't ask for more than that. I have my own health thanks to surgery and hard work, and a wonderful supportive wife. I fail from time to time, but every day is a new day to start over again.

Bill, I'm sorry to hear this news about your parents.

And yes, to everything you said about the fates, love and support, self care and our personal power to start anew.

Ann

Thank you Ann. I appreciate your kind words.

Kara I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending big hugs your way.

Everything you have said makes absolute sense and you have answered a lot of your own questions. Being prepared with snacks in your purse will help. Keep electrolyte mixes (Vega hydrate is good), egg white protein powder, nuts, moon cheese packs, in your purse. If you are spending a lot of time at the hospital, go outside when you can and just get some fresh air and refocus.

That knot in your sleeve is worry and fear about your loved one. No binge will change the situation, it will only add to your high stress. Feeling out of control and not being able to help your loved one is manifesting itself in your eating being out of control. Seeing your therapist should be helpful. Come here for support often. Breathing exercises can help you to refocus.

Two weeks ago I lost someone that I loved very much. It was not unexpected, but it was still a deep loss. I have been trying to focus on warm memories and some of the wonderful lessons she taught me by example. You still have your loved one with you and I would say value every moment and let them know your love now. You cannot change the outcome, you can only appreciate these moments.