How to you stay on track during times of stress and grief?

We all know sticking to our food plan can be tough at times. I'm 8 weeks post-surgery, and while it hasn't always been easy, I've stayed focused and on track. Reading and posting here has been very helpful.

So I'm wondering if any of you kind folks have any advice for me. Because right now I'm really struggling. I know what I should be doing. I know I can do it if I choose to. But I just feel like I can't. I guess I need advice and a swift kick in the pants.

Situation is a dearly loved family member has received a serious cancer diagnosis seemingly out of nowhere. This happened Friday night, in the ER. We are still waiting for more test results and information, and are in a kind of limbo. But based on what we know now, it's going to be bad.

My struggles with food are this: I can't eat. I'm bringing cheese and protein bars to the hospital for myself, but I can't eat. My chest/sleeve feels tight and strangled. I feel guilty at the thought of eating.

At the same time, I've reverted to old compulsive eating habits. Saturday night, after having not eaten since Friday lunch, I scarfed 2 Big Macs (lettuce wrapped no bun). I was full after one and should have thrown the other one in the garbage. But I ate it, even though it tasted disgusting to me and I was already full. It's the first time since surgery I've eaten so compulsively. I never want to eat like that again.

Yesterday, I made a vow I would eat properly. I did manage to drink more water. But again, I didn't eat. Last night I had a protein bar before going to bed, around 2am.

I know I need to keep my own health up in order to support the people I love. I know I need to eat better. And I'm very lucky because my loved ones have been nothing but supportive during my surgery process, and have been encouraging and reminding me to eat and stick to my plan.

I know I need to eat mechanically by the clock. Cheese, nuts, protein bar (when I look at meat my stomach turns). I need to make up protein shakes to take with me (I'm allergic to whey so unfortunately Premier Protein or any other ready-to-drink shake is a no go). I need to keep sipping water all day and get in 64oz.

I know I need to get this under control, because things are going to be difficult for the foreseeable future.

I'm calling my therapist Tuesday morning, to get in to see her asap.

Anyone who has gone through the same thing, how did you stick to your plan? How did you manage to eat and/or not fall back on old bad habits?

Sorry for the long rambling post. Just writing this out is helping me feel more accountable and focused. Sincere thanks for any advice you folks have to offer.

So very sorry to hear about your loved one. It is indeed a difficult and stressful time and our ability to deal with stressful situations can really throw a kink into our best laid plans. Stress will always be a part of our lives. It never goes away and how we deal with it is key to our ongoing success and health.

Number 1, calling your therapist is the best thing you can do at this point. Hopefully you can get in quickly and get some help dealing with all the upset you are currently experiencing.

Number 2, is going to be a kick in the pants. I'm sorry. At 8 weeks out, eating Big Macs is a disaster in the making. You still need to be very careful of what you are eating and doing. You need to stop. It concerns me that you said looking at meat turns your stomach and yet you ate 2 Big Macs. So clearly some meat does not turn your stomach. You are turning to food - any food to soothe yourself. In essence you are self medicating with food.

I would suggest that you do some meal prep and have stuff that you can throw in a soft sided cooler and take with you or at least a go bag. Yogurt, cottage cheese, egg salad, some crackers a protein shake. If you can tolerate nuts, get some and put them in your purse or a lunch bag. Cheese and crackers, jerky if you can tolerate it. Salmon salad, tuna salad. Protein bars are not enough. I found cucumbers light and refreshing. I dipped them in a yogurt dip with peanut butter. Make it up. Put it in the refrigerator. You can meal prep and you can eat and take food with you. The right food.

Here's the thing. If you don't get your protein, water and vitamins in as you are meant to do, you will become malnurished and very sick. You could find yourself in hospital and that does nobody any good.

You know what to do. You need to do it. If you can't get in to see your therapist - call the Clinic. Tell them you MUST speak to someone.

YOU hold the key to fixing this.

I'm hoping this small kick will help you find your way. You've come too far and gone through so much to get here.

Thank you Sweetride. Hearing it from someone else always makes a difference.

You are absolutely right about me self-medicating with food. And your point about the meat vs big Mac is a great reality check.

And you've reminded me of two important things- I have an insulated Bento lunch box so I can pack myself a healthy lunch in the evenings. And it completely escaped my mind that I can access additional support with the social worker at my center.

btw It was reading your reply earlier today that motivated me to keep drinking and to eat some cheese at lunch, and as of now I'm starting to feel like my feet are getting back on the ground. So thanks again, sincerely.

I am sorry that this happened.

The reality of this journey is that everyone is going to face these problems. People will have accidents, illnesses, surgeries, financial problems, divorces, disasters, and deaths.

Everyone will be affected at some point by the misfortunes of friends and family.

You are the only one who can take care of yourself. You have to figure out what things you are able to eat and make sure that they are available. You will no longer be eating for comfort. Just eating to maintain your energy and health.

Just like you would not throw a few Big Mac's into your cars gas tank, you don't throw them into your gas tank. You take the car to a gas station and you take yourself to a healthy place to eat. You should have thrown the first and the second Big Mac into the garbage. Instead you used your body as a human garbage can. You say you cannot eat meat, what do you think Big Macs are?

At McDonald's you can get a plain hamburger wrapped in lettuce, a grilled chicken wrapped in lettuce, a yogurt parfait, a bottle of water. Any of those could have satisfied your hunger without the extra thousand calories. At a Taco Bell you can get refried beans, at a Wendy's a small chili, at a spaghetti place, a meatball.

I did a lot of traveling and spent a lot of time at hospitals with loved ones. I always found something I could eat without packing meals or drinking protein shakes. Sabotaging your weight loss will not make the medical diagnosis any better. The only thing you can do is stay healthy yourself.

Thank you, White Dove. Everything you've said is the absolute truth. I especially like the metaphor of fueling the tank. I need to keep myself running as smoothly and efficiently as possible. I'm starting to feel for the first time that I can get through this without tossing my own health priorities aside. Thanks for helping me feel grounded again.

8 weeks post op you're still BARELY healed inside - you CANT binge or you could literally rupture your stitches and DIE!!! :0

you went through a harrowing experience of excess food withdrawal for the last two months - we ALL suffered this and are still standing . It's normal that you'd jump on an excuse to overeat again- but you CANT your insides are different now barely healed and if you don't respect the dietary guidelines you'll have suffered for nothing because you'll barely lose weight and then ( usually ) non compliant people gain it all back and more :0 :( .

You CAN and should eat healthy food you bring with you ( I used a cooler.. there are great insulated lunchbox coolers at Walmart)

make sure you drink before eating and not during or after . Fat free yogurt was a favorite of mine to carry not always sweet - tzaziki ( Greek yogurt cucumber garlic and dill dip ) fat free American cheese slices ... fat free salad dressing . Low-fat Cold cuts are also very portable - be sure to bring mustard . ((()))

Thanks, quutgrrl. The cooler is a great idea, and in fact reminded me that I do have an insulated bento box that's perfect for me to tote to the hospital. And you're right that overeating at this point is still an issue of healing and damage, not only weight gain. And it's very much an addiction issue too. Thank again for your input. I keep saying it but reading these responses has been a huge help.

You might even be allowed to put your food in a refrigerator at the hospital. I asked about that, and always got permission.

Thanks, Gwen. I never thought of that.