How to you stay on track during times of stress and grief?

Kathy, thanks for the hug. And for all the work you do to keep this place in tip top shape. I first heard of OH at the initial orientation session at my bariatric centre. The head social worker gave a talk, and recommended this forum as a great place for information and support. He was right.

Awwww, thank you for the kind words. Having walked in the shoes of obesity and having surgery I get it and hope to help others "get it". I guess the only thing I could add is sometimes we just don't stay on track during times of stress and grief. As you have seen me post I had this goal thing licked for years. When I lost my husband I just didn't care, and was in what I call my rabbit hole for a year. Finally, I decided enough is enough he would not want me to give up and put all this weight back on and it took me multiple tries but finally it clicked again.

Who was your surgeon if I may ask? If you need anything let me know

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kathy.

I've sent you a PM.

Thank you, after 39 years it's tough.

Hugs to you, Kathy.

Have you considered asking a friend for help? They could do a little meal prepping to make sure you have appropriate food choices.

If you're like me, it's really hard to ask for help. I even found it difficult to ask a friend to pick me up from the hospital when I had my VSG! But consider the flip side. When a friend of mine is going through a rough patch, I would genuinely like to help, but it's not always easy to know how. If the friend asked me to do something specific for them, I would feel honoured by the request and relieved that there was a way for me to help.

Hi Wombat, thank you for the suggestion. You're so right about both asking for and giving help. I have had a friend offer to bring me food, but of course I refused. Maybe I need to rethink and be a little more open to accepting help when offered.

kamac, you've gotten great advice and responses thus far. And you sound like you have a lot of strength and are determined to take good care of yourself.

I will briefly share my own story of loss and stress post-WLS and how I have navigated something similar. Maybe you will find my story useful.

Two months after I was sleeved (four years ago), my beloved husband was diagnosed with cancer. My response to this shattering news was that I immediately understand with crystal-clear clarity that the Big Thing I'd always thought was too hard for me to handle on my own (my weight and eating misbehaviors) was completely within my control. I instantly understood that we could not control his cancer, even if we did "all the right things."

And like you have hinted about yourself, I also realized that it was appropriate to put my own self care even before his care because I was the rock he needed to lean on given the struggles he was facing. I did this out of love and respect for us both. Like the true soulmate he always has been, he supported me unconditionally in my goal to lose all my excess weight (100 pounds) and to maintain my weight loss. FTR, today I weigh exactly 100.2 pounds less than when I started this journey.

For three and a half years, my husband did "all the right things" -- chemo, radiation, and (when he could) ate well and exercised. He went into remission twice, and the cancer came back twice.

This past January he died. Our love and our marriage were beautiful things, and his passing shattered my world. Only in the last couple of months have I been fully present mentally again. The things I've learned since January about bereavement I could write a book about.

But during all my grieving and the stress that continues, I've never stopped caring for myself, even though my life now is quite different than it was when we were Us.

The most immutable aspect of life is that it never stops changing. The upside is that we will never lack for new opportunities to learn. That's the only way to look at life's never-ending stresses -- lessons for learning things we don't know yet.

Very best wishes to you.

Ann, thank you so much for sharing your story and insight. I'm very sorry for your loss.

You've given me a lot to think about. Especially the idea that while catastrophes like cancer may be beyond our control, our behaviour is still within our control.

You and other wonderful posters here who have weathered this particular storm are true inspirations. Thanks again, Ann, and my best wishes to you, too.