How People Treat You

This is an important topic for a lot of WLS'ers.

1. Do people treat you differently since losing a significant amount of weight?
2. Do you believe it's because of fat stigma or because you are different as a person?
3. How do you deal with it?

I will come back to post my experiences (currently on the bus). I look forward to hearing others' perspectives!

1: I treat myself differently, so it's not surprising that other people treat me differently as well.

2: I think it's a combination of both.

3: I just do.. I mean, there isn't any other option, right?

1. Do people treat you differently since losing a significant amount of weight? No, why would I? (or anyone.) I'm no more of less of anything I was before (other than physical size).
2. Do you believe it's because of fat stigma or because you are different as a person? Well since my answer to # 1 is no-- then I guess this does not apply.
3. How do you deal with it? Nothing to deal with I suppose... I didn't go into surgery looking for it to fix my life. My life, family, career etc was all good before. Losing weight maybe enhanced my enjoyment of all facets of my life, but the social interaction are really unchanged.

1. Yes a little bit (guys opening doors for me or acting more friendly)
2. Definitely because I'm not fat anymore. I'm not any different otherwise.
3. Just ignore it

1. I have to admit I have been MO most of my life and for a short time in my mid-20's I lost a significant amount of weight and did feel that I was treated differently at that time. Strangers were more polite, smiled at me more, people were more open to meeting me (internet dating especially- understandably) and actually having a conversation rather than trying to get out of it as fast as possible.

I am 6 months post-op RNY now and I'm now about the same weight I was back then...It's hard to say yet 100% whether I am treated differently but I do feel like I've got less judgmental glares on me, although that might've just been my own subconscious paranoia.

2. I do feel that it's a bit of both are at play-- I know I feel differently about myself and I am more confident therefore I am sure it shows, but I have been confident at times as a heavier person as well, and still felt the silent judgments of others. but again--maybe just paranoia.

3. I enjoy the fact that I'm happier now and don't have to worry about meaningless judgment from strangers making me feel worse...If someone was rude to me BECAUSE I was fat, they don't have that excuse now and I am appreciative that I don't need to worry as much about those kinds of people's useless spite.
Am I going to be vengeful about it? no--those people that judged me before were never people that mattered--what matters now is that I am happy with myself and anyone else who ever mattered is happy for me feeling better and being healthier and happier.

1. I've been hit on more when out, doors opened for by both men and women. People are generally more polite to me at my current weight.

2. I asked my husband this question when it started happening and after talking it over, it's not me. I've always been a smiley open person and my behavior hasn't changed nor do I appear more self confident.

3. I just do... I try to do the same for others regardless of size, race, or sex.

Thanks for responding! I find it fasinating to read other experiences and perspectives on this.

1 - I do find I am treated differently, in some cases it's very overt, in others more subtle. For example, three of my relatives on aocial media have been sharing photos of me, praising me for my looks. They comment on every single photo I post. I find it a little uncomfortable so I restricted their access. Out in public I now get hit on by men and find people are generally more friendly. They look me in the eyes more, which took some getting used to. I don't have to be fearful of teenagers anymore, as now I'm invisible to them. People sit next to me on the bus, hah.

2 - I also think it's a combination. I have always been a very confident person with a strong personality. A few of my slim friends try to write it off as me being more confident and lively, but I don't buy that. My husband, best friends and sisters say I am more or less the same as always. I still fear the stigma - I recently injured my back so I haven't been able to do a lot if physical activities I want to enjoy. I had to skip a 5km rae and had myself SO worked up, thinking others would judge me for being lazy or afraid to try. I feel this pressure to live up to people's expectations as a fit person, and I know that's coming from me, no one else. And yet, people focus so much on my body and my looks now, it's a learning experience.

3 - Sometimes I feel resentful, sometimes I appreciate the praise, sometimes I feel exposed. I have been reading a lot of articles and body image books to process it all. I am a professional writer myself and I'm thinking about writing a book or serial.

Please keep posting!

1. Do people treat you differently since losing a significant amount of weight?

Definitely! Both men and women of all ages are more welcoming, warmer, and friendlier. Kids -- no difference.

2. Do you believe it's because of fat stigma or because you are different as a person?

I think it's both. Of course, there's a "fat stigma" -- in our culture, most people are attracted to other people whom they find attractive, and by "attracted" I don't mean only sexually attracted. In our culture people who are obese are generally not regarded as attractive as those who are slim or normal-sized. I know, because I was overweight or obese most of my life.

My contribution to this interpersonal equation is that even though I've always been a friendly person, since losing 100 pounds I definitely smile a LOT more and have a more pleasant RBF (you can google that) because I'm happier, more self-confident in social settings, and not in physical pain.

My clothing and personal grooming are also more current than five years ago when my go-to outfit was a navy blue suit and I had (ugh!) a "church lady" haircut.

And without knee pain from arthritis (that's now mostly asymptomatic) and my 5 days/week yoga and aquarobics classes and 10K+ steps/day, I simply don't move my body like I used to. All those differences in my physical presentation generate more positive responses from others in social settings.

3. How do you deal with it?

I enjoy it and engage back. :) It also greatly reduces my stress and anxiety in social settings. I don't spend nearly as much energy worrying about how I'm "coming across." These days, I feel and more naturally me than I probably ever have.

1. Yes. I have existed in a smaller body after losing weight on my own and found that people were nicer in the most sadly mundane ways. I remember once being the only person in a shoe store. The clerk began to approach me and as soon as a thinner customer walked in, made a sudden turn to go help them. Kind of a burn, since at the expense of sounding like an elistist, I was well-dressed and was shopping some expensive shoes. Other things: holding open doors, eye contact, opening or continuing conversations, getting people to listen to my ideas or give me credit at work. I?ve experienced this among both men and women. You ever see that old SNL sketch when Eddie Murphy wears white Pearson make up and experiences being white? Watch it. It?s an exaggeration, but there?s a jagged little pill of truth in it.

2. Fat prejudice. I?m an engaged and very polite person. Also described as funny, kind and generous. That didn?t change, even when I put on 90lbs.

3. It just makes me quietly sad. I?m so excited about my tool and the new opportunity it has given me. But I dread knowing that people will start treating me better and I?ll notice it. I?m only halfway to goal, but already notice that I?m being treated differently, more human. Once when I was at my ?thin weight? (thin for me), I was with a friend who?d never known me any other way. I really liked her?we clicked a lot. I found her to be a sensitive soul. I told her a story about how a mutual acquaintance had sort of hit on me, and I was really thrown (side note: when you spend your youth being the fat, undesirable one, being hit on really confuses the hell out of you) She asked ?Oh, we?re you grossed out bby cause she?s hugely fat?? She didn?t know that I had been really fat. I was so heartbroken to know that my former body was so disgusting to her. We lost touch and a few years ago had a chance to reconnect. I had gained weight and made excuses because the thought of hanging out with someone who had verbalized that they found a body my size ?gross? was too much. It?s like finding out someone you know is racist. You just can?t unring that bell.

I think you need to factor out people who DIDN'T know you before you lost weight. How would you know how they would have treated you? :)

1. No
2. N/A
3. N/A

CitS