New Netflix Show Insatiable Accused Of Being Fatphobic

I don't disagree, Jen. I do believe in bodily autonomy. And I don't think fat bodies are "bad" or repulsive. I do believe that fat and healthy aren't always opposite--but as you say, they often are. I got away with being a "healthy fat person" for a long time. Then I got even fatter. Then my body got tired, so I got even fatter still. My sleep got terrible (oh, hi apnea!). I couldn't keep up like I used to. Fat can definitely catch up with you.

Or the family members who eventually end up having to be their full-time caregivers because they "chose" not to take care of themselves.

Always hard to understand why or how someone who was bullied as a child can get some type of satisfaction from bullying others in later life. Is it some kind of badge of honor when you repeat those same behaviors you'd suffered from? to the point of physically hurting another?

Where is the integrity in that? And why is that type of nonsense considered brag-worthy?

I wonder the same thing, Amy.

I've noticed that some people right here at OH are bullies...and have actually driven newbies away, terribly hurt and mortified at the treatment they'd received. I've often wondered if it's because those bullies were victims of merciless bullies as fat kids and/or adults? I really don't understand why some people, after being tortured by bullies, will then turn around and bully others. And often, the emotional bullying is far more painful than physical bullying.

Even some surgeons have warned their patients to stay away from OH because of how some people treat others, claiming that they aren't being mean, they're just honest. That is such a hypocritical and disingenuous thing to claim after emotionally beating up on someone until they leave. What really shocks me is how sometimes a newbie is ganged up on by the bullies.

In my rose-colored world, being a victim of something so hurtful and cruel would make one more compassionate and empathetic to others.

Sometimes I think OH is a type of vacuum; a world all it's own, where the cultural norms that keep people civil to each other do not apply.

Personally, I'd never been called a bully in my life. Until I was called one here. I'll be honest - it gave me a good deal of pause and it's something I've turned over and over in my head and in my heart. It would destroy me to think that I was responsible for running someone off. And if that is the case I am deeply, deeply sorry.

I've come to wonder if it's related to our personal filters and the way we see the world. When I make suggestions it's never intended to shame or hurt. The truth is that I've been down the road I see others choosing. I've done the big regains, I've done the ignoring of the vitamins, I've done the moderating and the questioning and the ignoring. And in the process I've expended immeasurable angst and reaped actual severe physical and emotional repercussions. If someone can be spared that, it seems natural to want to help.

My attempts to help have been clumsy at times and I am learning. Successful postop life isn't a zero sum game where my loss equals another's gain (or vice versa). It is the height of arrogance and dishonesty to think that as long as hateful, judging words are prefaced with phrases stating that you are "just being honest" or "telling it like it is", or the now popular "I have no filter" a poster can go all scorched earth without regards to other's feelings. However, it's also disingenuous to call every one disagreeing with a point that's been made a bully. Stating a mathematical fact - for example, that those that have more weight to lose will generally take longer to get to goal - isn't fat shaming.

Not sure where all of this leaves us. What a long winded way for me to come to that conclusion! I guess if I had my druthers members could work things out on a person to person basis, but that is not human nature and it's certainly not the nature of forums such as this one. Tempers being what they are and tone being basically defined by the reader are obstacles difficult to overcome. In the end, we are defined by our own personal integrity and that may not be immediately apparent when there have been only a handful (or less) of interactions. Interesting thoughts to ponder for sure.

(As a footnote: my posts over the last 9+ years are here for all to see. My mistakes are public and I've made big ones. I very recently had to apologize to a poster because I didn't check my own assumption and had posted what turned out to be a lie. There is no shame in making mistakes when we own them.)

Well, don't forget: Text-only social forums are a pretty feeble form of communication. All of our posts are stripped of tone, body language, facial expression. Words alone will inevitably fail, or convey the wrong thing. Sometimes you just have to say to yourself, "Forget it, Jake. It's the internet."

I wish we could "love" posts, Amy.

Thank you.

Thank YOU for the honest dialogue. I am still learning. What I do know is that talking things through is always a big positive for all involved. =)

Respectfully-- how "honest" can a dialogue be when the other side rushes to generalize people who disagree as "bullies?"

Duly noted. But I didn't see where that happened right here after the discussion commenced. If different questions were posed it may have degenerated to such on either/any side. Thankfully that wasn't the case in this exchange and so an opportunity to reach some small semblance of common ground arose.

I am learning. That is not an excuse but simply a statement. And it certainly doesn't preclude me from appreciating your point.


edited because I reflexively gave a pat answer to your question without thinking it all the way through Julie. I owe you an apology. It would be a good idea to have a thread dedicated to exploring members perceptions and definitions of bullying. Requiring specific examples in the form of quoting actual prior posts from those participating instead of relying on blanket generalizations. We all might be closer in our definitions than originally believed. Or, we may be even further apart than we'd imagined. But what an opportunity to set up points of reference on all sides of the issues by requiring direct quotations as opposed to fallible human memories.