Struggling

Maybe I should of posted this in the mental health forum but I just need to let someone know how I feel.

I see my therapist for the first time on the 25th. In the mean time I?ve been struggling.

it seems to be a culmination of many things. My ?friends? won?t return calls. They say they can?t talk, get sleepy or say they?ll call me back and don?t. I struggle with anxiety, social and general. It?s hard for me to call people and it?s really starting to hurt my feelings.

in the beginning everyone was very supportive. Then things changed as I lost weight. One told me once that once I lost weight that i?d Forget some of my friends. Well it?s seeming to go the other way. Not all of my friends are overweight. The ones that?s been the most supportive are relatively newer friends. My family has been good for the most part. Some friends that I?ve had for 20 years.

i still have a ways to go in the weight loss and I didn?t expect this really at all let alone at the half way mark. I?m seriously tired. I made a new Facebook to get away from the people who?ve I let make me feel bad. I am able to be myself there and that?s helped. I just feel EXTREMELY sad about it.

thanks for reading

I'm sorry you're feeling sad and hurt by your friends. This journey is already really tough without that added pain. I hope things get better for you and you should be proud of yourself for doing the work to improve your health (physical and mental). Good luck!

Mels,

It sounds like your "friends" have the issue.. true friends will be there for you. Those who won't return your call do not not know how to deal with change and as you use your new tool and learn yourself more, you are less and less dependent on them. THis is THeir problem..NOT yours. Give them time some will figure it out, others won't.

It can be a lot of reasons this happens, some of it is both the "friends" growing and developing or NOT doing that.

Loosing those who have beeen close to us in the past can be a sad thing. You are having a normal reaction. Don't let it get you down...

The ones who just don't know what to say- will come back and make amends, the others - don't worry about it,... they were not real friends but just people who you knew. Give it time.

Keep on taking care of yourself. stay on track. It is worth it. You can do this .

This might sound a little harsh, but if they are ignoring you like this, they were never really friends. Real friends will stick with you regardless. Real friends are rare. Acquaintances are not friends.

Don't allow your success to be defined by people who aren't real friends. Don't let them get you down. You will meet new people, people who didn't know you from before. Some of them may be friends. Many won't. It is the way life is. Consider people carefully, consider what you reveal, and you will make genuine friends as time goes by.

In the meantime, continue on with your success. Live your life confidently. That is a big way to attract people to you. Live well, be successful, and people will want to be your friend. That is a big part of how it works.

Very true! Good ....true, real friends are rare .... many are merely acquaintances with only a few real. You need to be able to see the difference and it can be painful when you realize the difference.

I think we've all experienced this on one level or another (I did). Hang in there. It's always about choices and you're making great choices. You're changing your life. You're getting healthier. You're making new friends. Clearly your "friends" are making bad and selfish choices, but remember that it is their choice, not yours. Therapy will definitely help.

Don't be sad - be empowered.

I want to toss out an alternative to everyone else's responses. I'm not saying this is happening in your case, but it happens to most people, so perhaps it can help someone.

Surgery was a major decision for us. We spent a LOT of time researching. Most of us delayed surgery for a long time, hoping to avoid it. It became a huge focus for us.

Right after surgery it got worse. It was the only thing we could think about. Recovery, protein shakes, dying to restart food. Food progressions, healthy food, exercise, stalls, losses.

It was the only thing we thought about. For many, it was the only thing we TALKED about. A lot of people found their friends bored to tears with hearing about surgery, food, weight loss. People saw us coming and ran the otherccway, rather than hear about it one more time.

I don't know if this is the reason for your problem, but think about it. One of the ways that OH is so helpful is that we can talk about all those things here, and stop pestering our friends and loved ones so much.

This is a very good point. This was not an issue for me but would be easy to see, if persons are depending on feedback from many others...

I did not have many people who were "just friends" , had many more "people in passing".. I had my Mom to dscuss weight loss and surgery issues with( she had same surgery 6 months prior-after, we had totally different problems) another reason to eep coming back to the board..

Facebook stinks (lol I had another word in mind). I know I am happier off it (few years now). As little Bill said real friends are rare. Far and few between, cherish the real ones.

also agree with Grim with after WLS we bore people with our WLS and weight loss talk. Keep that here on OH as hard as that might be. Sometimes harder said then done I know I still drive my husband crazy with stuff. He is my Best friend though and a saint!

I am sorry you're feeling so sad. I know that when you're already struggling with social anxiety, it is hard to reach out and it can make you feel even worse if you don't get the expected response. With some of the friends that you care about that have hurt you, you may want to have a direct conversation about your feelings. A lot of times people are just consumed with their own stuff and they don't think about how things can be perceived. I'm sure your friends would be upset that they made you feel bad.