Culmination of a week in hell

I am so thankful for this new week and that the last week is over and now history.

on the first of July my sister in law's dad passed. The adults were not what you'd call prepared but not surprised either. He had a really bad heart. My two nieces and my nephew had not a clue...the youngest two still really don't get it. The oldest who is seven got it and it hit her like a bus going 100mph. Holy cap did it break my heart. He was the only grandpa they had as my father is a piece of crap and not in either of our lives. That was a beginning of a spiral for me. I started eating just bites of bad things. Not much but I felt the control slipping.

then a major trigger thing happened. I saw a clip of a simulated act of someone trying to commit suicide. If I had known it was going to be there I would of waited...major trigger for me. I had a few serious panic attack followed by a stupid nasty brownie and a fruit & oat bar two days apart. I got sick but still snuck things in.

Saturday I finally broke down and talked to my mom. I go see a new therapist on the 25th...soonest I could get in. The talk helped lift so much emotional weight off of my shoulders. I had isolated myself so much. Also I was being pretty narrow sighted. I couldn't see past my own nose. My mom hit me with some hard cold truth that I needed to hear. Don't get me wrong she is very understanding...but I needed a few verbal slaps of reality.

i guess my point is this, even though I knew WLS wasn't going to be magic in the logical part of my brain I had hoped...somewhere deep in the same brain that it would make my mental issues "better". That suddenly food wouldn't mean the same things to me. Folks...get in to see a counselor or have some serious talks with people you trust. I say get a therapist! Please! I wish I had swallowed my fear and done it years ago.

it didn't help that my entire town seemed to be out of one of my meds. Back on the the full dose today and it's been a good day!

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of these things all at once; and very sad for your SIL family as well. It's always hardest on the kids, I think.

Good for you for having the conversation with your mom, for knowing what you need to do now and for being focused on getting help.

I'm so sorry. All of that sucks, and it's not fair. While you may have stumbled, it sounds like it wasn't for naught.

1. it earned you even deeper self awareness
2. it put you in a place to share with others --with that, the potential to help others to find the courage to get help and have hard conversations

I've been stressing about finding a therapist and ready to say "forget it, I can do this solo". This helped bring me a dose of reality.

So, what I'm ineloquently trying to say is: I'm sorry for your pain, but I applaud you for turning it into something meaningful--and for sharing in a way that hopefully helps you and definitely helps others. Here's to better days for you.

I love therapy and I hope I get to go the rest of my life. It my hour. I'm just a lot less crazier.

Grief and pastry are frequent companions.

I'm sorry for a week like that. Just coming out of a couple myself and I also am heading back to the therapist.

It will get better. I hate when people say that, but it's what I hang onto myself. We *can* walk through things, even when the hardest ones.

Good luck, try to take care of yourself even if it's just in some small way.

I'm so sorry that your week was so horrible. I hope that things improve.

It's totally normal that an excess food addict ( even an x- excess food addict :) lol) copes by scarfing excess food ... the best thing is you recognize it are talking about it ....

Grrl ure SUCH a winner !!! ((( huge hugs)))