Downside of losing weight pre-WLS & Family "Support"

I would not bring up the topic ever with your family. If they try to discuss it, thank them for their concern and quickly change the subject.

Way to go on your progress so far! I've recently finished up my prep and like you it has been successful --- I was told I have done 'beautifully' which made me feel good. ;) --- but I've gotten just a little of what you're experiencing which has caused me to step back and reconsider. THEN I'm reminded that a short term 6+ months of weight loss and some really good life style changes really doesn't hold a candle to the lifetime of obesity and weight related issues I've dealt with. I'd like to think that I could continue and do this all on my own --- but history and reality prove it's not very likely.

My response varies depending on who I'm talking to. And until recently only a handful of people knew I was going through this. A few more people know now only because it's been relevant to tell them and a few that I have asked to be my prayer partners through this. But people are going to be people no matter what and everyone has an opinion for everyone else. You are committed to this so stand your ground and maybe even form some generic response to those who want to challenge your decision. Ultimately you are doing this for you and your family, so don't let others squash this or steal the joy of the progress you have already made. Pounding them to the dirt just might not be the best response.

First - you don't need to talk about this with your family. It's a good time to practice redirection and boundary setting. I find that having a script helps. So, when someone says, "you don't need it" you can have a script like, "Thanks! Did you catch the last episode of Game of Thrones? I can't believe they killed John Snow again!!" (This isn't a spoiler, I just made that up.)

Then, every single time it comes up, repeat the same script. VERBATIM. Eventually the person will get the hint and realize this isn't a topic that's up for discussion.

For the second comment, you could modify it to "Thanks, I'm glad that I've got your support." Followed by scripted subject change. Repeat ad nauseam.

Support from friends and family is awesome, but.. not necessary. Thank goodness. :) I only told people pre-op who needed to know in case I died on the operating table (parents, partners, three best friends) or who were providing me a service that would be impacted by recovery (voice teacher, massage therapist). Otherwise, I didn't disclose my WLS until 4-5 months after the fact.

While taking off 35 to 50 pounds is no easy feat. Congrats!!- However, for most the real challenge is keeping off for 2 3, 5 years. The stats are that less that 3-5% of people can do this with out WLS and that 50%-75% can keep off at least this amount with surgery.

Yes, wifey did spill the beans, but ask them to email you and you will send them the medical studies for their perusal and then you and they can have an informed discussion. (Don't hold your breath, most people just want to shoot their mouths off, not learn anything.)

Here is a link to a medical study from Brown Univ, where a conventional diet program (one of the best - run by a real univ hosp) brags about helping people keep off 5-7% of their body weight. (Not even new underware for me prior to WLS).

(I'll edit and add soon)

This seems like one of those things you'd want the person who will potentially have to be your healthcare advocate at some point to know about you?

You know your family best but it probably comes from a place of worry as well as what I found was a fear of being "left behind". Left behind as the fat people, left behind where they feel judged for still being fat, left behind in that they will still be where you were and feeling centred out about their weight. Hope that makes sense but that's what I found. You have done great so far and it's great that you recognize that it's only a matter of time before weight is gained back without the surgery. Good luck as you move forward!

I think you're doing great and I love that you're even more excited and even more committed towards your success.

I lost a hundred pounds on my own I regain back 30 lb and then I couldn't get any less than that. No matter how much I tried no matter what I did either I would give up on myself or my body would give up on me and I could not lose anymore. It was at this point that I decided I needed to revisit the option of weight loss surgery. I like many others went through the process mostly on my own until a month before surgery. At the point of one month before surgery had told my family most were very supportive but it didn't tell very many of them and I still have not at 6 months post-op.

I think if you sat down with your family who seem like they will be supportive even though they have doubts is to ask them to be doubt free and support you just as if your medical professional degreed an educated doctor is. Clean out politely and kindly that your doctor sees hundreds and thousands of potential patients for weight loss surgery. Pulling out that they didn't I just as many if not more than approved patients. Your doctor has suggested this is right for you. Let them know that you trust the expert as much as you trust your own feelings and failures and successes that this is what is right for you and you need their love and support to continue.

The wonderful and not so wonderful thing about family is we don't agree but we always love each other in the end. My well wishes to you and good luck I think in the long run it'll all work out great but this too is a phase of trial and error and I'm sure in the long run you'll be extremely successful.

Coming from a family that a majority of us either are or were overweight also often times treated me the same way whenever they thought i should lose weight. If it hadnt been for my neurologist that performed my back surgeries on me recommending i look into doing WLS I know i wouldnt have had the support i did have at the time of the surgery. My father's favorite expression was always "you have got to quit eating or you are going to kill yourself" or something to that effect. This coming from a man who also was no where near where his "ideal" body weight was.

Now post op is a different story. To a degree i will agree with mom (side note here - my mom is a Weigh****chers queen - has read and done everything related to weight loss through WW more than i can remember) and say my portion sizes may have gotten a little larger since my surgery 16 years ago but of the weight gain i have had i am certain not all of it was due to what i was eating and my portion sizes.

I have had a couple of other health issues pop up since my WLS in 2002 and am presently on a diuretic to help maintain the amount of fluid i am retaining as a whole. As of this morning I know i am back down approximately 90+ pounds of my weight gain post op to my roux n y. Now again - I am still learning what my body will and wont tolerate again as i am getting smaller again. Please do not let what i have done talk you out of doing the WLS. I would still do it again in a heartbeat. As long as you do your due diligence and feel comfortable knowing what you know about it. kick some butt and take some names while you progress while losing the weight you wanna lose.