Downside of losing weight pre-WLS & Family "Support"

You're right, so many people have gone through this, but I am glad that you are sticking to your guns. Imagine how sad it would be if they talked you out of surgery and you look back in a year or two and have gained all the weight back plus 20 pounds...

Anyways, since they already know I might just stop talking about it with them. If you have questions, need support, or just need to talk, try posting here or maybe look for local in person support groups centered around WLS. If they bring it up, you can keep your answers short and vague ("How's weight loss?" - "Fine." - "How much have you lost" - "A bit" - "Are you still getting surgery?" - "Yes/Probably" - "You look great!" - "Thanks") and if they really push, you can put your foot down tell them they haven't been as supportive as you would've liked/thought in the past so you are no longer discussing this topic with them.

Best of luck with everything! And congrats on the good weight loss too, getting a head start pre op is the best.

I also lost 50lbs in the 6 months prior to my surgery and heard the same things you have from my siblings coworkers (only a few knew for scheduling reasons) and especially my mother who is very elderly and I believe was afraid "You would die on the table." Ultimately this is about you and your health journey. They cannot take it with you. I told my mother I felt I needed this tool to get all the way to my goal and to help me maintain my health. She seemed to accept that.

Now that I had the surgery and am having some measure of success she says to me "Why didn't you do this 20 years ago?" Oh well, I will never win with her. Could never be good enough no matter what I did. This is about you and only you so you can face the future with better health and quality of life. Best of luck. Coming to this site frequently is very helpful in keeping your resolve going. I am thankful for everyones input and advice whether I agree with it or not.

Excellent response. Thank you so much!!

I think the main concern for people who are opposed to you having the surgery is generally basic concern for your well being or safety. Weight loss surgery has come a long way in the last few years and it is nowhere near the risky procedure that it may have been even 10 years ago. most of them are done laparoscopic and the risks involved are more long-term than anything else (malabsorption, deficiencies, etc) but anyone who has not really done any research on it would probably not know this...I know I didn't know it til I really decided to consider it as an option.

I was met with a lot of this from my family when I told them I was going to have it done...my parents and sister were concerned it was too drastic, (none of whom have ever been MO) they were very concerned that I was doing something that could endanger my life and my sister was concerned that I would take this risk even though "the people who care about me loved me just the way I was"...I had to spend some time explaining that I needed to do it for myself...that it had nothing to do with them. I explained the procedure and the risks that were involved and basically said look, I have done everything else...I am not walking into this decision blindly, but as a last resort, and it's not just so I can look good in a bathing suit. I have a 3 year old daughter I want to be able to keep up with and be there for...and be INVOLVED in her life, not jus****ching from the sidelines because I am too big to participate in anything.

They've all seen my weight yo-yo over the years and I know they know I can lose weight on my own but I've never been at a "normal or healthy" weight my entire adult life so the dieting thing just doesn't work long term when you've got over 100lbs to lose. it's difficult to explain it to someone who has never been MO or who has only ever had to lose 20 or 30lbs in their life...it's also hard when you're talking to someone who is MO, for completely different reasons- misinformation is part of it too, but often times you may get a little bit of Jealousy or concern that it will turn you away from them like you're not an "ally" anymore...or like you're betraying them somehow. strange but its true. not everyone is ready to make the same commitment. not everyone has the means, and some just don't want to consider it.

I was lucky that my husband and I decided to do it together so I knew I had at least one person on my side, and the rest came around eventually...I really just kind of kept it out of discussion until I went in for my surgery, and afterward, they all saw I survived and now that I am OK and losing weight, they are all happy for me and proud of me for going through with it, they see it's not easy but that it was necessary.

It sounds to me like your family is not quite all on board but that you've made your decision and that's all you need. You know it's right for you and you're not changing your mind, and they will see once it is all said and done that you made the decision you needed to make for yourself. They may even want to do it themselves after they see your example. all you can do right now is smile and nod and agree to disagree and leave it at that.

And just for the record my immediate family (wife and 2 daughters) are 100% supportive. My wife has a gastric band and has lost a lot of weight. Unfortunately, she has reflux issues with her band and is considering removal. That is why I'm going with VSG. My siblings and parents were okay with my wife getting the gastric band, but think VSG is too drastic.

They're muggles -- they know very little, if anything, about weight loss surgery. And most of what they "know" is wrong.

Lord, when I read posts like this I am so incredibly glad I didn't tell any of my family (except my sweetie-pie husband, who was my biggest cheerleader).

Still haven't told 'em. And don't ever intend to.

Very best to you! Sounds like you've got enough enthusiasm on your own. And best wishes to your wife, too.

Obesity is not a willpower problem like so many people erroneously believe. If you eat fewer calories, your metabolism slows to compensate. If you work out, you naturally decrease activity between work outs to compensate. The body is really good at maintaining its set point and that set point gets really high after years of excessive insulin secretion from eating sugar/high carb. Surgery helps to lower that set point and temporary helps with hunger hormones. It's still a lot of work to lose weight and maintain the loss after surgery, but at least it's hormonally possible. Your family needs to know that having surgery isn't giving up or taking the easy route, it's just one of the only tools we have that work in the fight against obesity.

I lost 67 lbs in the four months of pre-op program before surgery. A number of people said I shouldn't go through surgery since I was doing so well. One of my best friends who had the same surgery, and has failed miserably, begged me on several occasions to forget it. I was polite but firm. I told people my mind was made up and I was not changing it. Continuing to badger me would just irritate me.

I did discuss it with my surgeon. Yeah, he has a financial stake in people going through with surgery, but that didn't mean he was wrong. He reminded me I would be very successful for a while, but then the weight would come back, and I would be in the office with him again, only older and perhaps with additional comorbidities.

Today marks two years since my first appointment with my bariatric team. I have not regretted a single day of the experience.

Draw a firm line and advise everyone that that is a boundary they don't get to cross - even your wife. If she's an RN, I'm shocked that she thinks this is remotely ok.

I don't invite opinions or advice I haven't asked for from ANYONE. It makes family and friend relationships really easy.

Remind them that without WLS your chances of long term success are only 5%.

This is not a get out of jail free card. You still have to watch what you eat and move your body. There are no days off. But for once in my life I feel like I have a chance of keeping it off.