Downside of losing weight pre-WLS & Family "Support"

I am about halfway through my insurance-required 6 month Weight Management Program. It has been going really well and I have lost about 35 lbs. I feel great and am really excited about this journey I am on. My WLS doctors are extremely impressed and even said that they think that this is a sign that I will do well after VSG. They still recommend that I continue with the VSG and I agree with that even more than when I started.

The downside of this recent weight loss is that my family members (who know I'm getting VSG) are now using my recent weight loss as a reason why I shouldn't go through with WLS. They keep saying things like "if you've done this well without surgery, then you don't really need it" or "just keep doing what you have been doing". The problem with this is they have a short term memory. They forget that I've lost weight before, only to regain it all back plus more. They forget that they have struggled with weight loss themselves. My mom and sister, who are both overweight/obese , have been especially hard on me about not getting WLS. They keep thinking that I'm going to back out of surgery and in reality, every day I become even more committed to it.

And the phase that I'm really getting sick of is "I don't think you need WLS, but I'll support you in whatever you decide". I know that sounds nice and all, but that's not real supportive to me. They act like I haven't done any research. They act like I haven't tried non-surgical options. They act like what I am doing is not necessary.

The point of this rant is to seek advice from anyone who encountered the same kind of "support" from their family or friends. Other than telling them to pound dirt, what is a good way for me to talk with them when they try to talk me out of surgery? I'm sure many WLS candidates have encountered this and I'm curious as to the best way to deal with it. Its really starting to get on my nerves.

When I made the decision to have WLS I really didn't share it with family.

I have learned as life goes on we really need to be our own cheerleader.

it can suck sometimes but we really need to do this for us and not for anyone else.

Stand firm on what it is you want. A lot of times family can be just scared of what might happen after surgery.

AJusy focus on yourself and keep coming here frfor support. Most people who have never had a weight issue have no clue why we are doing this.

And to clarify I haven't actually told anyone about my WL (beside my wife and kids). My wife is the one who spilled the beans to my family (parents and siblings).

As a side note, I might have a discussion with my wife about the importance of asking you before disclosing your personal medical information to the rest of your family. >:/ not cool

Hey now....don't be getting all crazy....I want WLS to live a longer healthier life. Won't do me a bit of good if my wife kills me because I called her out on a medical issue (she is a R.N.)

I'm j/k, of course!!

then she should certainly KNOW better than to share your personal medical information, it is illegal after all, even with other family members. She is not respecting you when she does this and I personally wouldn't allow it.

I have had success, when ppl want to get all up in my personal medical business/ history by saying, " this is the treatment that my doctor recommends for this medical issue I have, and it IS a medical issue. I will be glad to give you my pcp's phone number, and YOU can call them and discuss with them why they think this is the correct medical decision for me." After that , if needed, I would simply say, the topic is closed and refuse to discuss it with them.

Your obese family members, while they may love you don't really have your medical needs in the forefront of their minds. They have fear and jealousy in the fore front of their minds, fear that you will lose weight, get/ stay healthy, look great and they will still be fat, unhealthy and look it.

wls is THE single best thing I ever did for myself with reconstructive surgery after that, being the second best thing I ever did for myself. Don't let anyone away you from doing the best thing for yourself.

Tell your wife ...nicely to..".button her lip". It is not their business. This is your health. You are not doing it for your Mom or your Sister.

Tell your sister and Mom, and wife. I love you. Nothing will change that. I want to be able to have more time together. This is my decision, my body..it is NOT up for discussion. If they persist with the conversation,leave the area. go to another room, go outside. END the conversation.

You can expect fewer complications than were common for surgeries done 20 years ago.. as you get to health and are able to be more active your children and wife will benefit from your increased energy and stamina.

I spent my entire life from age 15 to35 on diet after diet...it ruined my metabolism. I was gaining weight on string beans and tuna, just before my appointment with gastric surgeon.

I'd simply say- "I'm not discussing my decision to have WLS any more. If you want to be kept informed when surgery will happen I will, otherwise we'll agree not to discuss."

If your a techie- you can start a blog/fb page, instargram and offer for them to follow you there is they are truly interested in supporting you.

I too had a lot of that kind of "support"...but it really comes down to you and ultimately, only you. They don't do the eating, they don't do the exercise. No amount of support that you get is going to do the work of eating right, staying active, recovering from surgery, etc. And yes, it's work. Hard work. I have both succeeded and failed.

Some things you can try to get you through the sea of storming opinions and desire from your loved ones:

1. Practice mindfulness. Not the foofy bells and smells kind, but the simple - focus on your breathing for five minutes per day - kind. It helps you hear what your family says, and feel yourself reacting, but not respond badly. It'll keep you sane. I can suggest books or videos if you want to know more.
2. Be compassionate of them. Ask yourself "why are they saying this to me?" Is it because they are scared for me? Maybe they are made to feel ashamed of themselves if they are also obese? If you think about those questions, it can become easier to hear them without letting them upset you / undermine your resolve. Don't be cold, be warm and accept their words...but maintain your position if you truly believe you are heading down the right path.
3. You could consider telling them how their words are making you feel. It might facilitate a longer conversation that can help. It's up to you.

Good luck. Keep us in the loop.

- S

Make "my body, my decision" your new mantra.