Random Thoughts from 3.5 years out

I realized recently that prior to WLS I was fearful of crowds and paranoid that people were looking at me and laughing, were looking at how beautiful my wife was and looking at me and asking , why? Looking at me as the biggest guy in the room. I was afraid to sit on lawn chairs, I would always wiggle or check a chair before I sat in it to ensure it could handle my weight. I would not sit in a booth for fear I could not get in or out. I would not want to go to the beach, out on friends boats, I would only swim in our pool at night and with a rash guard on. I was so conscious of my weight. I am getting emotional thinking about this, I have used the motivation that I needed to get healthier and get off all of the medications and I have done that. So many other things have improved for me since WLS. I will NEVER go back to the way it was, I will remain diligent and will remain on OH for the support and guidance and friendships.

Rambling is done....LOL

I feel sad when I think back on things too, about all I've missed because I was worried about what I looked like in public, etc. It's an emotional roller coaster this journey. I keep those memories pretty fresh in my brain every day. While sad, I think they motivate us just like you said. We don't want to go back there. I don't want to feel less than human again and like the world was staring at me. It keeps me continuing my good habits I've learned. I will tell anyone who asks that tracking is of utmost importance and is. Honest tracking. Did you eat candy today? Yes? Okay, track it. There's no shame in candy, there's shame in hiding it from ourselves since the only people it hurts is us! Also being OK in saying no. My co-worker brought in doughnuts to work EVERY Saturday like clock work. Every Saturday they would say that a doughnut wouldn't hurt me. Me on a diet before would have been like "yeah, sure, you're right!" Me now is much more self loving enough to politely stand my ground and ignore those doughnuts every Saturday.

"There's no shame in candy, there's shame in hiding it from ourselves since the only people it hurts is us!" Very well said Mersh!

I'm so glad you came back. The support and accountability here is invaluable, especially once we are out of the honeymoon period and ish starts getting real!

Very, very well said. Congrats on your awesome transformation (in body, mind and spirit).

Congratulations Duffman! Wonderful post. Your wife and family must be so proud of how well you have done. Those memories as years go on will eventually fade a bit so it is good to journal them (which you did here) so you remember. I wish I had journaled in the beginning years to keep some of those memories fresher and an extra tool as where I once was. I remember some of those same feelings you posted above. This site reminds me when I read other posts. Which is helpful. I also love reading the fresh ideas people post. You are always full of great ideas and recipes! Motivational even for those of us further out. Fresh blood, lol!!

Congratulations! We gain so much life when we lose!

I am just a few months ahead of you and yes it 'got real' this year. This stuff ain't for sissys. The support here is priceless.

Rambling is completely acceptable here. You know that ;)

It's amazing how some of our most powerful thoughts about surgeries and new lives and such seem to come out of the blue at times. I'm really glad you took a moment to recognize where you're at today. And that you've doubled down on your commitment to stay vigilant.

Without OH and many of those here I would never have had any kind of long-term success. I'm sure of it. Just lurking is helpful; being present here and at least logging on each day. My mind then stays focused on what is necessary for success.

Congratulations on how far you've come, and thanks for sharing it with us here.

I can relate to this so much. Some fears were the same as yours, and some were different. I get more confident everyday. Only someone who has been there understands. This surgery is truly life saving, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Glad you are doing so well.