Redundant Colon

Ok. This is going to be long. Background: I had RNY in May of 2001. Now, in 2018, I'm now 47. I lost a good deal of weight but not as much as I had wanted. After surgery I went back home to my husband who is obese but didn't care about his weight and wasn't exactly helpful in keeping tempting foods out of the house. BUT, of course, ultimately it came down to ME and I can't blame others for my failures; I just was not strong enough to resist. So, over the years I gained back some of the weight but I'm still about 100lbs less than when I had the RNY and my current weight has stayed at this plateau since then, maybe around 15 years (?) (I'm still considered obese however). Now, during the years from RNY to present, I have had 4 children (and 3 miscarriages), a move to a different state, and marital problems. My children are now 14, 11, 10 and 8. My 1st was diagnosed with autism (high functioning/aspergers) at 3yrs old, so that has been stressful to deal with. At 14, the autistic tendencies coupled with hormones is difficult to deal with. She has run away several times, walking to the next town before calling me from a store to pick her up. My next child was fairly a typical child until currently. She began getting moody at around 8, with strange, "psycho" reactions to upsets. Currently she curses all the time (says she's "mature" so she can curse if she wants to; "everyone does it".), is very rebellious, hates my husband with a passion, has knowledge of x-rated stuff (probably from you-tube, no porn sites in her search history; I had childproofed her laptop, but kids are good at getting around that, I was told. She clearly has some mental problems going on (or maybe its abnormal hormone swings?); I've attempted to take her to counseling but she refuses to talk to the counselor and refused my other attempts at counseling from other agencies. What little the first counselor heard of her swear laced rant on the phone, she said it sounded a lot like oppositional defiant disorder. Lately, though, she has been getting more civilized with me and opening up more (I'm feeling like she does love me after all), but she stll hates my husband and when he pushes her buttons, she rages and rants to me how she wants to kick him in the balls so he's in agony and begs me to divorce him. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could bc of the sexual coercion he puts me through when I really want nothing to do with that aspect of marriage (yes, we've been through marriage counseling years ago but he put on a good face and I'm the one who had to decide on "compromise" for the sake of peace. It feels like I'm being raped on those "compromise nights". I've come to hate sex.). Anyway, my 3rd child was such a sweet baby, up to 1st grade. But then she started getting pretty sassy with us, spoiled and disrespectful and manipulative. She emotionally/verbally bullies my 4th child relentlessly. But, she can be caring/loving when she lets down that callous persona. Lately she has been going through some depression when feeling hurt by friends or her sisters. When she's naughty and disciplined or when told off by an older sibling, she would get distraught enough to either run away from the house (she goes several blocks) or she goes and gets a kitchen knife and says she'll kill herself. We would cautiously assume she was trying to get attention and take the knife from her. Well, the last incident landed her in the hospital when she threatened the knife and before I could run to the kitchen, she came back with blood on her shirt. She admitted that she had punched her nose to make it bleed, but feeling these frequent knife threats were not mentally normal and you never know when she would stab/cut herself for real and she has to learn she can't keep doing this I took her to the ER bc the blood was the last straw and the punching her nose excuse may not have been true. She was in ER for 4 days while CPS got involved (-allegations of child abuse bc the kids mentioned how their father pushes and slaps them around, which is true; I don't agree with that "discipline" but there are no physical bruises; there are emotional bruises however) and she had to be transferred 1 1/2 hours away (law requires that we accept the 1st available bed, whatever hospital location that might be) to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. She has been gone over 3 weeks now and on a pretty strong (bad potential side effects) medication, with an initial diagnosis of a mood disorder. She admitted to them that she had also been seeing things ("ghosts), hearing scratching and feeling pokes by something that wasn't there. This was happening before medication/hospitalization but they had to up the med till the hallucinations stopped. I visited her several times and she would beg me to come home and say that she feels like I abandoned her at an orphanage. I would leave crying ****il my eyes were swollen and burning) almost the whole 1 1/2 hr trip home; I've been doing so much crying lately. She's getting better now and may be going home this coming Wed. She's been gone for so long, even missed Easter with us. Next child, the youngest is definitely a mama's boy; he's very attached to me. However we suspect he may have add, maybe mild autism. He goes through a lot of tantrums! But over all, he's the least problematic of my kids. Only thing is he seems to get very depressed sometimes due to the bullying by his sisters. They are resistant to my expectation for them to be more tolerant of his "weirdness" and that they not respond to him abusively. SO ---- I am suffering an EXTREME amount of stress right now (and despite all this, my a** hole husband STILL demands/pressures me for sex; what the neck is wrong with him?? How could he think of THAT with all this going on? And doesn't he care about my stress level that I just don't want to be even touched?). NOW ----- after that novel of a background, on to my main problem that I'm here seeking help/insight/advise - REDUNDANT COLON, also called tortuous colon (and it IS pure daily torture). I'm wondering if this in any way has a connection to weight loss surgery or RNY in particular. I have been suffering for years now with constant bloating and pain. Also started having upper abdominal and chest pain. I have had a heart catheterization for the chest pain and thankfully, my arteries were clean. So on to a gastroenterologist... Had endoscopy and colonoscopy. Endoscopy showed I have GERD, causing some damage at the stomach end of the esophagus (so far hasn't progressed to Barret's Esophagus, which can be precancerous). I have some narrowing of some of the esophagus which he stretched open. My stomach showed an ulcer. Only good news was that my RNY connection was still intact. Lower end showed a few diverticuli but also that I have ALOT of loops of colon - redundant colon. Now upon reading about it, this causes constipation. The thing is, I rarely have constipation. Not to gross anyone out, but I go several times a day and its usually quite soft (like a cow's pile of poop). I don't drink a lot of water as I should. But I have had my gallbladder removed (3 yrs post op); whenever I eat something very fatty, I seem to be more gassy/cramp and I have to flush several times after going bc of the greasiness. My biggest problems daily is the severe painful bloating. Walking tends to help a little. Sometimes I get a severe gas pocket just under my left ribcage and I have to lay down on it with my fist pressing in. If I massage the area for a few minutes, I hear a loud gurgle/air sound a feel the gas pocket move along. On top of all my gastro problems, I get SEVERE flare ups of skeletal-muscular pain. Dr said I have fibromyalgia. During a flare up, my joints are so painful and stiff to move or use (going up or down stairs, even just plain walking) and my body aches so bad - the same like the body aches you get with the flu. Now my neck has been giving me misery where a little bit of activity will cause painful spasms. I think it may be posture related bc I notice I'm hunched in the back and shoulders when stressed. Nevertheless, I'm having a neck x-ray on Mon. All this gets to the point where I feel this physical pain and the pain of my personal life is just too much to bear. My kids make me feel bad when they compare me to other mothers and how THEY play ball with THEIR kids or take THEM to fun places. ANYWAY, the gastro stuff... does anyone else suffer these problems and can it be the result of the wls? Does the wls and/or lack of gallbladder cause atypical redundant colon symptoms, that is soft poops rather than constipation? I've always been soft since post RNY, so maybe that counteracts the constipation that I'm supposed to have. Does anyone know of a specific diet for redundant colon to relieve the constant bloating? Dr wasn't much help. At my recent GP appointment I begged him to remove my intestines, that's how much daily pain I'm in. He said the pain with no intestines would be worse, whatever that means. But from what I understand, there's a danger that one of the loops of my colon could twist on itself which is a medical emergency, possibly fatal. So why can't they remove the excess colon? They say no, just live with it. I'M VERY VERY VERY SORRY FOR WRITING SUCH A LONG STORY. If you read this to the end. I'm just so desperate. ???

Oh my, I feel for you. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist as that really helps me. Hopefully they will be able to guide you but forgive me if I overstep...if your husband is forcing sex and slapping the kids around, this is dangerous for all of you. It's abuse and you need to change that situation. Either with or without him. It's no wonder you're depressed. Please take care.

Is there a chance you could put paragraph returns in this? It's really hard to read on a small screen. You might get more responses...

I think the first thing you should do is get your children out of danger. They are suffering physical and mental abuse according to what you've written.

I did actually plough through that, even with no paragraphs!!

I feel for you on kids with autism and mental health problems, my son is severe, so I get it!

However, my overriding take away from this is ... you need to get away from your husband. Not only is he raping you on the regular, he's abusing your kids. They and you deserve more.

If you want to get rid of the gas and bloat, you need to cut out white carbs, which will also help you lose weight. Meat, fish, seafood, leafy veg, salads. Look up keto and paleo recipes online to get inspiration.

And it sounds extremely likely he's sexually abusing your daughter as well as you. Talk to a bariatric surgeon about the intestinal problems and get all carbs out of your diet. I suggest you get you and your kids away from your husband before they are all taken from you.

Please get your children away from this man.

I read through the whole thing. Quite frankly it's hard to care as much about whatever it is you're dealing with physically while your children are in such tremendous distress. They come first. They come first.

Someone needs to report you to Child Protective Services. And keep reporting you as often as necessary to get those poor babies out of what is surely abuse. On several levels. I'm an adult and it's hard for me to even read about those kids without crying.

You are knowingly keeping your children in physical danger. Get them out now.

I understand you are a victim also. But it's time to be the adult, suck it up, put your own stuff on the back burner, and get your kids out of there. You're their Mom. You're supposed to protect them.


edited for clarity

just in case

For your sake, and the sake of your children, you must change your living situation. Do you have family you can turn to for housing? Is there a women's shelter near you? Your husband is abusing you, he might be abusing your children as well. Talk to your therapist about your options, make a plan, and get out.