NSV - Onederland
I have put off this post for a little while. I have been under 200 for a couple weeks now, but I wanted to wait until I knew it was steady and at 194 just a bit ago, I think it's pretty steady. This trip has been a mad dash to goal while I can get there quickly. I think my running has slowed down, but I've learned the techniques to keep going: tracking, holding myself accountable, and most importantly stress management. Emotional eating was why I was so big in the first place, but that need for food as comfort has very, very heavily diminished to nearly disappearing. Even with my mother's condition and my crazy sister pushing me to my limits, I have been able to channel my stress into something other than food.
That being said, I know I still have an obsession with food. Now in my life, it's not eating it. It's planning it. The compulsion to plan every detail AND eat on a schedule is so high that I find myself thinking about it a lot through the day, "What time is it? I need to eat a snack at 10:30. Then at 2, I have to have lunch." And if I'm off schedule I'm moody. I'm trying to force myself to stop being so uptight about a schedule, but it's hard! I worry if I'm not uptight about it, I'll just not care. I don't know if I have a happy medium, so maybe I'll just be a stickler for a schedule. I also get slightly agitated at comments about my diet. The "Oh you don't need to worry about the calories in butter!" or "You can afford to eat potatoes if you want them." I know people mean well, but it bothers me and I wish I had the courage to tell them to please leave me alone about what I eat. How I prepare my food and what I use to do is is very important to me! Hopefully during my continued journey I can work to fix these little ticks!
I am so happy I chose surgery, because in all honesty if I didn't I would probably not be here at this point. I am thankful to the state of Missouri, my Surgeon, God, and most importantly my grandmother. Let's not forget my internet family here on OH! You all have been a fountain of inspiration and advice to me. Not always was it things I wanted to hear, but it was definitely things I needed to hear and understand to be successful. Thank you all for coming with me on my trip over this last year, I love you guys!
Edit: I'm not sure why I said NSV for the title. It's definitely a scale victory lol.
Congratulations and lots of hugs.
Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG
"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"
"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."
Congratulations on Onederland! It's a strange, yet amazing feeling, right?
I often feel like I'm much more obsessed with food now than I was before surgery.
Before my RNY, I just shoveled food in without tasting or really even acknowledging the act of eating. Being more discerning and mindful of what I eat now definitely requires more time spent thinking about food.
I woke up in between a memory and a dream...
Tom Petty
on 3/27/18 3:12 pm
Be proud of yourself. Ignoring people is one thing I had to learn. It sucks but you can do it.
I try to think they are the one with the issue not me. Misery sometimes loves company with people who don't understand that you need to plan your food.
The ones who plan and watch everything that goes in their mouths are ones who do really well. I think being aware of what you are eating and why you are eating it helps.
You are doing great.
