Reliving the past...

With my surgery coming up and recent family drama playing up I have decided that maybe it is time I talk about some of the physical abuse I experienced growing up. I have been with my husband for almost 12 years and I have never told him any of the details. He knows my mother, brother and I were abused, but nothing else.

My father's temper drove my brother away a while ago (after our mother passed away), and now his girlfriend has left as well. Trying to explain to my husband why I believe that the ex girlfriend is telling the truth about being afraid of my father, without sharing how I know that my father will kick something when in a rage was proving difficult without sounding crazy.

12 years of being together and I am finally talking about the most painful parts of my life. I am not sure I am ready, but if the surgery is to be effective, if I am ever going to heal I think maybe it is time.... I know this is scattered and I apologize... but I am wondering if anyone else had to lay so much of themselves out there before surgery? Was it worth it? Did it help?

::(Moved from the mental health forum)::

Without going into too much detail, I was also abused growing up, and kept it buried. I believe my unresolved issues caused low self esteem, and somewhat of a desire to be unnoticed. I was an emotional eater for sure, and I believe a lot of those self-worth issues contributed to getting involved in my first marriage, which was also abusive. I finally started seeing a therapist and it really did help to lay it all out, even if it was very hard to talk about. She and I are now working together and experimenting with other coping mechanisms (such as getting back into drawing and painting, and taking up new hobbies that occupy my hands and mind) rather than going to food for comfort, and I've been really taking a step outside myself and taking a minute or two to determine WHY I have the urge to go eat. Am I feeling stressed or depressed? If the answer is yes, I make myself a cup of hot tea and find something else to do.

I think if it hadn't been for talking openly to a therapist, and continuing to do so, I would have a hard time working through these issues on my own.

I haven't practiced my art in years. I do quilt now which keeps me busy. I am also fortunate that other than my father I am generally surrounded by fantastic people. That doesn't necessarily make it easier to talk to them about it. Like I said for now I am struggling to share even with my husband.

Soon I think I will be ready to see a therapist. Especially if practicing my art or drinking tea are the options available to get through tough times. I am sorry for what you struggled with too, and I am inspired by your suggestions; thank you.

If it helps, you don't have to get into the heavy stuff right away with a therapist. You can "shop around" and find one you gel with, you build a relationship first. You only talk about things when you're comfortable. And once you do, there it is, out in the open, and you will feel so FREE about it. I did anyway. It's still not something I bring up often, but my husband knows now.

I could have written this...word for word.

Therapy is so helpful...truly. We don't have to spend the rest of our lives being controlled by our past. Please consider it, Meg.

You are not alone! There are a LOT of people here who've benefited from attending therapy to work through things like history of abuse, mental illness, and other problems.

I think you should seek professional help also. It does help.

I wish I could say the surgery cures our heads.

Trust me life is better now though.

I am definitely considering therapy. Fortunately I am under no illusion that the surgery itself will fix anything. It is a tool to help me lose weight, but not a tool for any emotional healing.

I will have to really carefully "shop around" for a therapist when the time comes though.... my previous experience was pretty poor. For now I just want my biggest supporter to know.

Thank you so much. I am glad to hear it gets better.

I will admit to anyone that I am in therapy. I know it has helped me a lot.

Sometimes it takes a while to find a good one. But just keep looking. They can teach us so many ways to get through things that others won't understand.

Remember you are strong.

I am so sorry you've experienced this! You are not alone in finding that to move forward you need to deal with some traumatic events. Be kind to yourself, talk to the people you are safe with and don't be afraid to look for a therapist that can assist you. Good luck!