INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION

My oldest daughter is from China and a total blessing to our family. I wanted to adopt from China since I read about China and the one child policy and the abandonment of the baby girls, since I was about age 23 (this policy no longer in effect) I told my husband I wanted to adopt from China and he said ok but try ourselves first. We were too young at the time anyway as back then you had to be 30 I believe. Being practical and putting our finances to paper we waited until our early 30's to try and have a family. After 2 late miscarriages around 20 weeks (weak cervix due to 2 ovarian tumors/open abdomen surgery trauma I had in my 20's) we decided to pursue our dream for our baby in China. It took 16 months of paperwork and waiting (I think wait time might be more now) and we took a glorious trip to China to be blessed with my daughter. She was 8 months when we were blessed with her. Perfect in every way and she healed all my sorrow of losses. Home 5 months and pregnant again ... we had not been trying, I had written it off. This time at 20 weeks I went on complete bed rest as cervix was shortening again and carried until just 11 days early. It was the most wonderful time of my life to have 2 beautiful baby girls after probably the saddest years before . The babies I lost were born in October and December and my girls were born in October and December. Maybe same souls! I have a heart necklace with October and December birth stones and to me it is for all of my children including the baby girl and baby boy I lost. Hopefully not too sappy but the tale of my road to becoming a Mommy.

Ava, I can answer your questions if you have any in particular? Happy to share.

Forgot to add my baby girls are now 16 and 14! Miss those young years! :)

Awe. Thank you for sharing your story. My girls are 13 and 15. I adopted my older daughter in Kazakhstan and my younger one in China.

Thanks.... where in China is your daughter from? My daughter is from Sichuan.

You can adopt an embryo through a company called Snowflakes. They are babies that are frozen forever in a fertility office until someone has them implanted in their uterus. I read about it on a flight...who knew? Tri

Forget the food/exercise stuff, I'm worried about your other issues.

Being a parent means putting aside your own needs to do what's best for somebody else. From your responses on OH over the years, you can't even offer someone else help or advice without making it all about you, how hot you are, how many men want to **** you senseless, etc. I am INCREDIBLY skeptical that you would even bother to try to put someone else, much less a child, first.

I myself am adopted. I will say, perhaps it was just a mistake or an ignorant remark, but I am wary when I hear people discussing "adopted" kids verses "my own". Your adopted children HAVE to be your own kids too. You can't see them as "other".

If yoi decide to adopt, I ask that you spend time reading about different cultures and different struggles unique to adoption. Many of us will experience trauma before we are even born. Many of us, regardless of how amazing our family is, will experience feelings of confusion, lonileness, like we don't fit, like we are missing something. Internationally or interracial adoptions have the added layer of feeling broken off from their home culture. Parents who are sensitive and easily hurt by this need to be prepared. Ultimantly the feelings of a child aren't about you as a parent. Are you willing to deal with these emotions?

adoption is amazing! I'm so so thankful to be adopted. It's one of the single most defining aspects of my identity. But my parents labored over being attentive to the unique needs of adopted children. They mourned with me when I found out my bio father had died before I could meet him. They provided picture books for me as a child to understand how special I was to be adopted. They made it something to be proud of.

Its hard, beautiful work.

I could not agree more with you. Adoption is the way my daughter joined my family but no different then had I given birth to her. She grew in my heart immensely before I even knew her. Another amazing thing to me is my paperwork went to China or logged the same month she was conceived! There is mourning and loss with adoption. You have to be able to realize that and understand nothing to do with you but a profound loss. People do make stupid remarks especially when she was younger. I learned not to make eye contact in grocery stores etc. Not everyone is meant for adoption could not agree with you more. Adoption is special and my daughter loves that. She was chosen. I try to keep her culture alive we celebrate our family day in August, the day she joined our family. Go out for Chinese New Year. I bought about 25 gifts while in China when we were blessed with her and present to her each birthday. She loves that special extra gift each birthday. She is proud to be a Chinese American. Loves being a big sister.

You sound like an excellent parent! Your kids are so blessed to have you. You hit the nail on the head. I think one of the biggest things for adoptive families to realize is that for the blessing of the adoptive family, there must first be a loss for the child. Broken but so blessed!

I love that you celebrate your daughters culture as a family! When it's time for me to start a family, I hope to adopt and have sweet memories like you guys are building now.

Thank you, I do feel blessed with how my family developed. I know it was something that seemed to be in me before I even experienced my losses. Fate.

We helped each other I think with our mutual losses.

It is wonderful you would like to adopt one day.