Economic opportunities ... and very mixed feelings

Maybe because of my overeating ... my family discounted my intelligence , talents and abilities most of my life . Now that my parents are in their eighties... suddenly there?s a releasing of the choking financial grip , the endless baseless lies and insults that I couldn?t handle money or take care of myself ( or even maybe them) .

I cant describe to you how this feels - so sad mostly . So much mourning for a lost and wasted life ... due simply to foolishness and greediness .. and fat prejudice.

I ask myself can i forgive them AND ME for allowing the dozens of years of abuse ? Can i trust them now when they have never trusted me ?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

This sounds like the trailer for a bad movie.

I am sorry that you have felt the sting of your parents' emotional abuse.

I am also sorry that you feel that they were abusive as a result of their biases against fat people.

I think there's likely a lot of fat prejudice out there, by the people to whom we love, by society and arguably the worst of all, ourselves -- and that those biases take a huge emotional toll on a lot of us.

I've never looked at any addiction as a sign of a lack of intelligence -- in fact, some of the most intelligent people I know suffer from alcohol dependency, opioid addiction, or like myself -- food addiction.

With rare exception or in cases of severe abuse, my experience has been that parents are just human -- they do the best they can, with the skills they have, at the time they are doing it. No more. No less. This means that they can only give to us what they themselves have to give -- from their own experiences and scope of understanding.

Realizing this, there comes a point in our adult lives where lamenting what we did/didn't get from them become only an exercise in futility. As such, we are left with two choices as independent adults: we can love them for who they are and not who we want them to be; or, we can decide they are too toxic and cut them from our lives.

Love that cat with the pancakes!!!!! :)

Parents not giving adult children money isn't abuse or fat shaming. It could be a real concern for what their kid would do with it, a life lesson in self-sufficiency, they couldn't spare it, or just didn't want to. None of those are abusive.

I understand what it is like to feel like a human who is not deserving.

i have a food addiction also I was just a housewife and I did not go to college. Me not going to college or having a higher education did not make me a food addict.

There are so many people who have been fat shamed all of their lives. I was one of them. Coomments my family has made about it have never been easy. It was down right horrible.

Tbey thought they were being funny. They feel me marrying my husband has made me the woman I am. My husband and i do have a very sucessful business. But that doesn't define me.

Me making choices after realizing I have a problem with addiction not just food but with alcohol.

I can not blame anyone or anything that has happened for my actions as a fifty year old woman.

Going to therapy and seeking pther support groups out there has helped me.

I may have many labels but they do not define me by just one of them.

Please seek some therapy forgiving is one way to let it go.

Ty. I do attend therapy ... which has made me less brittle and more willing to hear family members.

I'd like to make great art and have children before its too late.

I would say that trusting them is irrelevant; you need to forgive and trust yourself. We cannot control anyone but ourselves. As for how we do that, it's a long process, and it starts by being kind to ourselves internally, by using kind words and compassion towards us.

At the end of the day, the fact my parents did similar things is largely irrelevant and doesn't matter. What matters is how I act in my life towards myself and towards others. What matters is that I live my life to the fullest potential. My parents' inheritance, or lack there of, or opinions about me are completely inconsequential as I am now an adult.

The hard part is self-kindness and self-trust. It takes time, fierce self-love, and ruthless self-honesty to achieve this.

Good luck.

I used to say all the time, that once you get to be a certain age, the statute of limitations runs out on blaming your parents for stuff. And then, I started going to therapy. I realized that my parents could only give me what they had and/or knew how to give. And for me, it's not about blame anymore. It's more about sitting in my own truth, and not sitting in theirs. But first, I had to forgive myself. I also had to realize that I could no longer allow their issues, to be MY issues. And this is a big one....I had to love and respect myself, and not look for that approval or acknowledgement from my family.

I hope this helps you.