Looking for support

Good luck to you. I think the toughest part of what you have written is that if you say no thank you he gets mad. That is too controlling and sabatoging. Definitely get a therapist who specializes in WLS ask your baratric center for someone who they recommend. I should do this too! Although my husband is very supportive and proud of me. Also married long time- 26 years.

I agree. That is concerning that a "no thank you" elicits anger.

I'm sorry that your husband is no longer being supportive.

Remember that this is YOUR lifestyle change, not his. Yes, it sucks that he's not on board with sharing your changes, but he doesn't need to be. He's allowed to make his own choices, eat the food he wants, and not going on walks. When you were 368 pounds would you have wanted someone telling you what you could and couldn't eat in your own home? Would you have wanted to feel that you were always being pressured to go for walks or to go to the gym? Probably not - I know I wouldn't have wanted that! Leave him be. Let him self-determine his life, just the way you have.

In the meantime, definitely work on finding a support group and a therapist to help you with this.

First, congratulations for all you have done to maintain your weight loss. It's a testament to your own strength, especially since your husband is not helping you.

As others have said your husband does sound threatened by your change. I've seen this in my life with friends who I used to party with when I was younger. When I changed my behavior for the better, I lost some of them because my changes put a mirror to their own behavior, and they were unwilling to make the same change. Is a difficult choice to have to make - your own health and well being or your marriage. Hopefully with support from a therapist, this community and others you won't have to make that choice. I wish you continued strength and courage in navigating those waters.

I would suggest you just focus on you. You're making it more difficult on yourself by adding trying to change your husband's behavior, and it's adding conflict. It may still be there but at least you're not initiating it.

Ultimately you are the only one you can rely on to prioritize your heath. Given your accomplishments so far, I have faith your efforts will ultimately prevail.

Keep sharing here and let us know how you are doing.

Lisa

Thank you all for your thoughts. I hear you and yes I know I and I alone can control what and when I eat. I guess I liken my food addiction to that of an alcoholic... Would you offer alcohol to an alcoholic? When he goes out and buys my favorite ice cream, or pizza and says "I bought this because I know you like it" I feel sad. No, he is not obese, and he has a great metabolism. He can eat anything and remain the same weight.( not jealous, just providing information) I have never asked him to eat what I eat. I still bake his favorite bread , cinnamon rolls,cakes, pies and cook whatever he would like to eat. But some days are harder than others to resist the junk food cabinet. Guess i just needed to vent to people that might have similar situations. Unfortunately the support group that meets that is recommend from my surgeon is 2 hours away. Thank you for your kindness ad advice

What happens when you tell him, "Hey, when you do this it makes me sad."

He gets angry. Says he is just trying to make me happy, the way things used to be. If i wouldn't have had surgery things would be better. I did tell him if i wouldn't have had surgery I would have had a shortened life span. He replied but you are really living if you can't eat the way you used to.

This is concerning. It's one thing to not be supportive, it's another thing to get angry at you for expressing how you feel. You've nixed the idea of a support group - how about individual therapy or couples counseling?

Life is about so much morethan food and eating. When I was obese I could eat whatever but I was miserable. My back and knees hurt every single day from the time I awoke until I went to bed. Now the new healthy me can enjoy flea markets,antiquing and camping and hiking. Before I would sit on a bench and people watch because I couldn't keep up with my family. Now they can't keep up with me. Some days the choices are hard and the sweet snacks call my name very loudly,but I look at that before picture and remember just how miserable I was and make the next right choice.

Tell him to buy you something else other than food to make you happy ... take you clothing shopping, buy you flowers, something else you like for the house, take you to a movie. Lots other things to make you happy without food. We love estate sales and get a weekly email of the ones nearby. Email includes pictures of what they have. We have found great treasures this way! Something we love to do together without kids (16 and 14 and who have no interest!) get up early to get there early by 8 to 9 and usually back by 11 or so. If you Google Estate Sales you should find the web site.