Looking for support

I had RNY surgery September 10, 2015. I am 5'10" and weigh 186 pounds. I was 368 pounds prior to surgery. I am feeling lost these days. I am having a hard time sticking to a proper eating regime. My husband of 31 years is no longer my cheerleader and supporter. He brings junk food in to the house even when I have told him it is difficult for me to resist such temptations. If I say no thank you he gets mad and says that my weight loss is ruining our marriage. I have asked him to join me on walks or go to the gym with me and he gives a loud resounding "NO". I have a high stress job, and now a high stress home life. While I am maintaining my 200 pound weight loss, I am fearful I will gain the weight back ... I even dream that I have gained it back. He was my only supporter to help me when I am weak and now I have no one to turn to. How do the rest of you stay positive and on task? Thank you in advance for your positive suggestions.

Find a therapist and a support group!

Hi Erin, YOU HAVE THE SUPPORT OF ALL THE OBSITYHELP members. Believe me, we hear your plea. Your hubby is feeling insecure and doesn't have you to eat with anymore, keep that in mind....I am married for 49 yrs and my hubby was never a supporter in words but happy with what I have accomplished, fortunately he doesn't bring in anything!! if I want junk food, I do it myself...listen to everyone who are listening to you on this site and offering their experiences and support to you as I am.... Good luck. alese

My hubby is proud of my success--I've lost about 160 pounds and maintained for about 5 years--but doesn't follow my eating plan or exercise with me. This board is my support group as my surgeon is about 2 hours away. Participating here keeps me motivated and focused and the accountability of the menu post keeps me making good choices. I made the decision to have surgery and can't expect hubby or son to keep foods I like out of the house. It's my job to find ways to cope and other ways to deal with stress than to eat. I have to motivate myself and can't make excuses or blame others for my bad choices. I also keep a before picture on my frig to remind me of where I came from and a list of things I can do easily now but couldn't do before. I just take it one choice at a time each and every day. And if I can do it--you can too.

Thank you for that response...I sure needed to see it tonight. I am new to the boards but you are sure the kind of encourager I am wanting to meet. I needed to be reminded about one choice at a time each and every day. Thanks!

Aww thks, MSGuth...it is also nice to hear that I did say something to inspire someone else. Sticking with OH support group is a good way to stay focused and to remain in the success pattern we set for ourselves....and to make new friends who understand us as we all went through the same issues!

Good luck to you as well. Now, if I can only figure out how to replace my ticker as I did reach my goal and have maintained within about 20 lbs for almost 5 yrs.

We ARE here for YOU!

alese in FL

Oh dear. You're find out something very important about your husband. Your weight loss has had a profound effect on him. I suspect he's finding out how strong and attractive you really are, and that's possibly scaring him. That's just a guess. Or maybe he just has difficulty with change.

I was a psychotherapist for many years working with women who were abuse survivors. As they healed and got stronger, there often was pushback from a husband who found it difficult to adjust to a stronger, more assertive wife. I suggest you do get to a support group and ask your husband to see a marriage therapist with you. When something changes for one person in a marriage it affects the relationship. I wonder if your husband is obese?

You mustn't sacrifice your health to save the marriage: that's a devil's bargain. Don't assume it's one or the other. That's why marriage therapy is crucial. Unless he's willing to tell you what's really bothering him. Then you can sort it out.

Hang in there and don't succumb to the junk food. It's ok to excercise without him. I know you want him to join you, but he can't right now and maybe never will. You've done really really well with the weight loss, so do continue to take care of yourself.

pauline

I've learned to not discuss weight or food with my husband as much as possible. He is the most loving and supportive husband in the world but is understandably bored of talking about it all after the last 10 months. I have to think about food and maintaining my weight many times every day, but he doesn't have to share that burden. I don't restrict what he eats or what he brings in the house - this is his life and home too! Come here on OH to vent about food and fear of regain and weight fluctuations and emotional eating and life stress and everything else - we are here and we understand. It sounds to me like your husband needs a break from being your cheerleader and that is completely ok.

Hang in there! You are your biggest cheerleader along with those of us who are in the same shoes. Do you have something you can do in place of stress eating? I am an artist and can slip away to my studio to create for a bit. Do you read? Watch movies? Is there a place you can go to be alone and away? Have you tried journaling?

We are here for you! Lean on us!!!

I have not had a lot of support through my whole experience with this. I have a few family members and friends that were supportive of my choice but not ones I see or talk to daily. I was married at the time of surgery and he was only supportive in the fact that he came with me for the surgery itself then left the hospital to go home and he helped me in and out of bed the first few days of recovery. He never stopped eating junk or bringing it into the house and I still cooked normally for him and my kids. ( I always made decent dinners health wise). I have been divorced over a year and while I get comments of how well I have done from people I still have had to be my own support and realize that I did this for my own well being and I have to keep up with it for my own well being as well. I had to learn that no matter what everyone else around me is doing I am worth the effort to lose and keep off the weight.