just found out im prego 3 months before my surgery...need help and opnions!

just missed my period this week took a test and it came back positive. haven't told any one because i am so sad and scared. i am currently in month 5 of the 6 required before my surgery with my surgery date in april. i need this i want to be healthier i want a fresh start at life. i am sick of being so big and unhealthy. i was not expecting this and i dont know what to do. i feel terrible because i am definitely leaning towards abortion. and it makes me so sad. my husband would be upset he would want me to have the baby i am sure and look into doing the surgery at a later time next year but i have tried and tried for a few years now to get approved and because my insurance thru work never covered it couldnt and i cant come up with 15-20k on my own to do it. i just dont know if my mind is in the right place or if i am being selfish. people who have already gone thru this or are in the process if this happened to you, what would you do? i need opinions and help, thank you.

(((Hugs)))

I don't think anyone here can help you through this. It's such a personal experience, and such a heated discussion.

While I am very pro-choice, and believe you ultimately should be able to make that choice, I do have one little word of advice. If you hide something like an abortion from your husband, it will likely ruin your marriage...

You sound so distraught. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

agreed with Pammie, there probably isn't anyone here who can help you with such a deep personal decision. I think you should ask your Doctor to set you an appointment with a therapist a.s.a.p. so you can talk through this with a professional.

My only advice is please don't hide this from your husband. This is such a personal topic and I don't think a stranger could help you with this.

You need to ask yourself these questions

Am I ready for a baby?

Will my weight affect the health of the baby?

Can this surgery wait, or is there a high risk of developing something like diabetes soon?

What I would do really isn't important. This is a very private decision between yourself, & your husband. I can understand that you don't have the money to pay out of pocket. If you have ins now is there any reason why they wouldn't cover it next year? Find out what your options are would be a start.

Oh wow this is a tough decision for you. I am pro life for myself, but understand why people make the decisions they do. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you make this very difficult decision.

If I were you, I would do a lot of journaling right now. I would try to answer these questions for myself:

Do I want to have a child right now?

If I wasn't considering weight loss surgery, how would I feel about this pregnancy?

What would it be like if I had an abortion, had weight loss surgery, and became pregnant later when I'm ready?

Am I large enough now that pregnancy would be less safe for my baby and for me than if I waited until after weight loss?

Am I young enough that I can wait a couple of years before trying to become pregnant?

I agree with the other posters that hiding this pregnancy from your husband could ruin your marriage. I think you should get your thoughts together and then present them to your husband with confidence - you've thought about this and you know what to do with your body.

I will add that I had an abortion earlier on in my relationship with my husband and both of us agree that it was a really good decision for us. We have a son now and plan on having more children.

Good luck!

Weight loss surgery is not a life or death situation. That is something that you can put off until the right time. You need to tell your husband immediately and make this decision together.

I hope that you're doing okay. Please remember that, ultimately, these things are entirely your choice and that the choices you make will be the right choices because they're YOUR choices.

I hope that you've been able to talk to your husband and maybe other trusted people in your support network.

(And, yes, I agree that hiding this from your husband has the potential to ruin your marriage. Of course, feeling like your husband has badgered you into giving birth when that's not what you truly want right now also has the potential to ruin your marriage. Lots of things have that potential. Only you can determine what is best for you and your body.)

Many years ago my wife told me she was pregnant with baby number two. At that time we were barely making it financially. Having another baby at that time would have made a bad situation even worse. I told my wife she should get an abortion my wife didn't get an abortion. It was her decision to make. It was one of our better decisions. We didn't suffer as I thought but had the privilege of raising and loving two great kids. Sometimes the upcoming doom doesn't come and we get joy that we could never have imagined.

Its a difficult decision to make and its one that you will have to make. Good luck and remember sometimes things are not as bad as we think.