WLS has been in the back of my mind for a couple of years, and finally decided to get a referral. My orientation is next month. My partner is 100% on board with me, but the family members who I told are not. When I first mentioned it to them, things got very quiet, and the conversation just dropped. When I brought it up again the other day, again they didn't say much. Then later, my sister suggested she buy me a Weigh****chers membership for Christmas and I told her that 1) I wasn't particularly interested in the whole points system and meetings, and 2) I couldn't lose too much weight as I may no longer be considered for surgery. Again, things got quiet and I asked them flat out if they had an issue with my decision to consider surgery and they said they did.

I'm having a lot of doubts/questions about the surgery and have been reading a lot of articles and such that are troubling about WLS, so it's kind of upsetting to not have my family to talk to. At this stage, I feel like if I do go ahead with this process after orientation, I won't be telling them, and I don't like that.

Has anyone received pushback from their family about surgery, even up to surgery date and after? Has anyone not told their family?

Did they say why they were against it? I realized I needed to be sure of myself when I told people. How I said things made a difference. Even though I was unsure and going through my own mental dynamics I couldn't express that to everyone.

There are varying reasons why people are against it, it usually boils down to ignorance, fear for you...or they don't think you are that big, and/or can do it on your own.

Some people don't come around until after the surgery and you are doing well.

I am sure they have a lot of misconceptions maybe they could come to the seminar with you?

I had one person who was negative but it wasn't family.

Good Luck

My sister is against it because she thinks my weight problems are caused by hormonal issues. My recent blood work showed that I had an under-active thyroid, which yes, is known for contributing to weight gain and difficulty losing, however I've struggled with my weight since elementary school, and I only recently started showing abnormal blood work. Also, I know myself, and my weight is caused by eating too much food, never feeling full, obsessive food thoughts when restricting calories, not exercising, etc.

My mother is against it because it's major surgery and she feels like I can do it by dieting. She's on Weigh****chers and feels that I should be too. I felt like reminding her that she's been on WW 5 or so times now and has gained the weight back and more each time...

I think you're right in that how you say things to people is important. I'm not a great advocate for WLS or myself at the moment because I'm so unsure of both, so I'm sure that comes across.

Years and years ago I went on a Dr-monitored shakes and entrees diet called HMR. My mom straight up told me, "That's a liquid diet. People die on those!" So, given that reaction, I didn't tell my parents about my impending surgery until a few weeks before. I was expecting a negative reaction, but they surprised me by being supportive. They saw I wasn't in a healthy place and they were glad that I was taking a positive action.

Sadly, not everyone is like that. The most important person who needs to be on board with the surgery is you. The second most important person is your partner because they will likely be providing post-surgical care and will be living with you on a day-to-day basis. Everyone else is "nice to have".

You will see a lot of scary things about WLS on the Internet. Everyone will tell you about their aunt's neighbor's dog that had WLS and died in some horrific way. Do your own research and come to your own conclusions. When I was doing the run-up to my surgery I read "WLS For Dummies" and just about every single post on this website. I went to two orientations and monthly support group. I asked questions and listened to people who had actually been through the procedure. They are going to be your support, not scared family members who don't know anything about WLS.

It's up to you how you decide to handle it, but you are a grown adult person and can make your own decisions about your life. If you don't want to tell them, don't, but don't let them make the decision for you.

I just loved that book pre op.

I asked my partner for it for Xmas. Hopefully the info is relevant for WLS in Canada too.

Thanks so much, that really helped. :)

The WLS book for Dummies is what helped my family get on board.

Hey-my weight problems were primarily due to hormonal issues too (PCOS). WLS was the ONLY thing that worked for me. Maybe I could lose 40 lbs on WW but it was a drop in the bucket when I had to lose 120 lbs. Worse, I would gain back 60 lbs of the 40 lbs I lost (aka the weight flew back on and to a greater amount).

I now struggle with hypoglycemia and cant marathon like I used to, but I still would trade my WLS for anything. I am learning a different diet, a different way of exercising, and am getting a continuouis blood glucose monitor. In short, there are work arounds and I WILL be back to running someday!

I would urge you to continue your research.

My mom is a nurse. She was concerned when I told her. She made a list of questions and concerns. For the ones I didn't know, I found the answer and got back to her the next day. She went out and found people to talk to (four coworkers - 3 of whom kept off the weight). It also helped throwing around some of those statistics - the one that I read (but haven't verified) was that 93% of obese people who lose weight without surgery gain it back plus more. Now she's one of my biggest cheerleaders. Your family is concerned for you. Depending on your relationship, the best thing to do might be to give them more information and get them on your side. Send them articles. Invite them to a support group. Or, depending on your relationship, keep them at arms length until after the surgery. It will suck not to have them around, but it would be worse to have them trying to talk you out of it or second guess yourself.