Today I went shopping with my mother and grandmother. While shopping, I picked up an XXL shirt in Walmart. I knew it was too small, but my mother felt the need to say in a rude tone "OH, you're too big for that." I know I am very big...but comments like that still upset me.

This just makes me more excited for surgery. I cannot wait to shop for clothing and not worry about trying to find the largest size available.

I hate to say this, but this is about them, not you. After you lose the weight (however you do it), they will be the first to say that you are too thin (even if you still weight over 200 pounds), and undercut your efforts. You may need to limit your interactions with them or get counseling to help you deal with their behavior on your own terms.

Sharon is right about this. Back in the day, my Mom LOVED to tell me that I was F-A-T (she would spell it) and that no one would ever love me or want to marry me. She is also would get mad if I didn't eat "enough" at dinner/lunch/breakfast because "This was dinner, lunch or breakfast".

She wanted me to have the surgery and really pushed it for years.. but thinks it is "too bad" that I have to take vitamins and "probably shouldn't have had the surgery" since I need to take vitamins (notably, I no longer have to take metformin for pre-diabetes, i am no longer pre-hypertensive, and my high cholestrol and cholestrol corrected itself).

So when I got to 139-142 I was told "Stop it. You are too skinny don't lose anymore".

Dont listen to them. You go as low as you possibly can because you WILL regain some of it back (It is called Rebound weight or bounce back).

Get as low as you can so when you DO regain, you end at a perfectly normal weight. Me-I have regained back into the "Overweight"category. I can smell and see normal weight...but damn it. I didnt get my insides cut up and rearranged to be overweight. I did it to be at a normal healthy weight.

Wow. Just wow.

That's the kind of "family" that I'd cut out of my life completely, and probably in the cruelest way possible.

Sorry your mother is a raging *****

I could not agree more. those statements are always about them and not you.

It took years for me to realize that about my own mother...who slapped a bun out of my hand at the table at my wedding. Who bought me diet books etc for Christmases and birthdays. Who told me this summer (when I was trying on size 4 clothes) that I couldn't wear that dress because it was too short and my legs are my worst feature. and then told me a few weeks ago that I was starting to look anorexic.

I realized that my mother (who loves me) is just replaying her own insecurities and dysfunctional patterns from her own upbringing. She was terribly abused physically, emotionally and mentally by her mother. those comments are what she believes about herself...because of the abuse she took from her mother for 60 odd years of her life. She is on an endless quest to be perfect (which is common for abused children). I can't fix it, I wish I could because I feel sorry for her. She is a good person and deserved a better mother...but I'm not going to make it my problem, I'm not going to take it on and I'm definitely not going to pass it along.

when she says hurtful things I may go into a victim loop momentarily, but then I just tell myself it isn't about me...it is about her.

I'm sorry. After being Obese to SMO for most of my life you'd think those types of statements hold no effect on you eventually. Untrue unfortunately.

Does your Mom know about your pending surgery? I think it's important to learn to voice how her words make you feel. Or, to at least Voice what you'd prefer to hear-- something constructive, not denigrating.

I'd encourage you not to be silent any more when those quips spill out from people. No need to be rude, but learn to stand on the strength of who you are and your decisions.

She knows about surgery and is very supportive. She is a little ditzy at times and does not realize what slips out of her mouth. You're right, I will say something if she does it again.

Yes, speak up by all means. There's a huge difference between "a little ditzy" and cruelty. "...very supportive" ebbs and flows. Add another resolution only to shop with people who've shown themselves always to be your friends. I believe that your mother loves you madly and I also believe that she feels threatened by your choice. I'm not concerned with her: You are the person I'm talking with here. You're the best.

Now, before surgery, may be a good time to start the conversation.

"You know the first few weeks after surgery may/will be difficult. I am choosing to go those that discomfort for the long term gain, so do't tell me I look bad when I come out of surgery and general anesthesia." But, ask me f I need anything.

When me dr releases me from lifting or exercising, maybe we can . . . ."

And then get ready to answer questions that you don't feel like answering with "My dr has that covered (or some other phrase that ends the conversation)."

Best wishes on your journey

After surgery there was a time when I got really skinny. It was so much fun to complain that I went shopping and all the clothes were huge. They had nothing smaller than size 4!! Why don't they carry more zeroes?

It was my revenge to people who treated me like that when I was big. I only did it to those people.