How did you tell your family? Looking for advice...

I just.. told them. "I've decided to have weight loss surgery, I met with my surgeon for the first time this morning, I'm super excited." I answered all of their questions and I never gave them any reason to believe they could sway my decision.

But I also have a good relationship with my parents and they know I inherited stubbornness from both of them. :)

If they had tried to talk me out of it, or been jerks, I would have reverted to the script of "I've told you in case I die in surgery, which I won't, and my mind is made up. [INSERT SUBJECT CHANGE HERE.]"

I told only my husband and two teen daughters. I told two very good friends for support. I did not tell anyone else - not my mother, not my sister. I did not believe that they would have been supportive and I did not want to have to justify a decision that was very difficult for me to make at the time. I felt like a failure because I had chosen surgery (partially due to shaming issues from my former family physician who insisted I just didn't work hard enough at losing weight.)

So, before your decide to tell them, think through whether you believe they will be supportive. If they will not be and you do not live with them, why tell them? Will it be worth it if you have to deal with their negativity for 6 months or a year while you undergo the process? And then after?

We buried my mother six weeks after my surgery. I spent a week with my big extended Italian family for the funeral and other than people mentioning that I was losing weight and looked good, no one noticed. No one looked at what was on my plate and what I ate or what I didn't.

My sister, whom I see about every two weeks, still doesn't know. I'm OK with that. But whatever decision you make - to tell or not to tell - you have to be ok with it. Maybe give yourself some more time to think through about peoples potential reactions and how you will handle that.

I told my dad first. He's struggled with weight his whole life and I knew he would be supportive. My mom is a nurse, so I was afraid she wouldn't be so happy about it. I was wrong! They were great about the entire process, and still are. My sisters were also supportive. I haven't told anyone else. I know some would be supportive and some wouldn't and I didn't care to find out.

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all so much for your advice. I know we all come from different places and family situation so everyones experience will be different, but everyone had a good point to make. I'll take it all into account when I decide how i'm going to do it.

Cheers!

Erin, I can understand the situation you are going through. The dilemma of right versus what people' will think of me, can be really tough. I have been through that phase in my life and what has worked for me is choosing, what is right.

I would advise firstly know the perspective of your parents, prior to telling them your perspective. Understand what they would go through and how you would have reacted had you been in their shoes. So just think from their perspective and tell it very subtly yet effectively.

I am sure you will be successful. All the best. :)

I believe that if they truly love you, they will accept each decision. It often happens that our loved ones do not accept our decisions and ideas so it reaches a break-up, which is very sad because people do not understand that this is not right. Reading on https://breakupangels.com/break-up-stories-reddit/ many break-up stories I understood that I have to accept and love the person I love because we have only one life and it must be valued to the fullest.