How did you tell your family? Looking for advice...

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering if I could hear about how you told your family and friends that you were going to be having WLS.

I'm very early in my journey, but Thanksgiving is coming (October 9 here in Canada) and my parents are coming to visit. I was hoping to tell them at that time, but I don't really know what to say. I know the decision is mine and the opinion of others won't change that, but I would like my parents to be supportive.

How did you let people know, what did you say, how did you support your decision. I have a few ideas of my own, but I'm interested in hearing how others approached this tough and touchy conversation.

Thanks All!

You could say "My doctor said I will live longer if I have weight loss surgery, so I'm doing it" or you could just have the surgery and then tell them. Then you won't have to listen to them trying to talk you out of it. I only told my Mom and my brothers who I knew would be supportive. I didn't tell anyone else until a year later. I just didn't want to hear all the negative stuff, or have to constantly talk about it and answer questions.

Before telling anyone I think you should consider the scenario where your closest friends and/or family are not supportive and how you will feel or handle that. It is not uncommon for people in our lives to react negatively to our WLS, which is why many people choose not to divulge this info. I did not share my journey with very many people as I didn't want to hear/respond/manage comments that weren't positive and were due to that person's incorrect assumptions about me or bariatric surgery or their own insecurities.

I told my Mom a few days before surgery. I thought is was unfair to undergo major surgery w/o saying anything to her. It wasn't touchy- it was a fact, I told her and left no room for discussion. How you approach the conversation sets the tone for it. Make them aware, tell them you'd appreciate their support, and be prepared to define what support is for you- cause they may not know.

If you go in thinking its going to be touchy, and they don't like the idea- that'll be their in to judge, discourage etc. Own your decision and advise who you want to know.

"As you know, after years of struggling with my weight and having it affect my health my doctors and I believe the best course of treatment is having bariatric surgery. I'm excited about the health benefits ahead of me and wanted to let you know how you can support me... _____ "

Hope this helps: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2013/11/life- after-weight-loss-surgery-q-a.html

Best wishes & speedy healing!! Having WLS was the BEST gift I ever gave myself. Hope you will soon be saying the same thing :)

I didn't tell people that I didn't think would be supportive. I just didn't want the negativity. My sister was my "cheerleader". She wholeheartedly supported me. My friend has WLS about a year before me and was my sounding board and a fountain of information. My stepmom was scared for me because she heard so many bad stories. So she kept me in check. She would ask "Has your dr talked to you about this?" or "I heard that...". My brother and people at work just didn't need to know. When they noticed my weight loss, I said I was watching my portion size and eating lower carb. Which is true.

As for how to tell them, I vote for straight out - "I'm having weight loss surgery on this date." I suggest you have the attitude that you don't have to defend your decision. You don't mention if you think they'll be supportive or not. If so, then tell them now. If not, then wait until closer to surgery.

Good luck to you.

I'm very close to my mom, and I told her as soon as I started the process. I let her know that my doctors recommended surgery, and that I was doing it to take care of my health.

I bought a copy of "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" and gave it to her, and had my husband read it as well. It was an ENORMOUS help! It explained the process, the risks, and what post-op life is like in very clear language and was very easy to understand. My mom was mostly afraid of surgery because she didn't know much about it, so after learning more she was incredibly supportive. She even came to stay with me for my first week after surgery to help out!

I told my dad and his wife after dinner one night that I was considering it and had met with a surgeon. They were thrilled for me and extremely supportive. But I know how much my dad has worried about my weight my whole life and watched me struggle with yoyoing.

I didn't have a single friend or family member who wasn't supportive. I hope it's the same for you!

I told my family members one at a time. I didn't want to tell them all at the same time in the same room in case they starting attacking me for my decision.

The day my doctor sent a referral, I told my mom. Mom was super supportive and excited for me. When I told my father and grandparents, they were somewhat supportive, but hinted to me that I would not be ableL to handle it.

I have noticed my overweight family members were supportive of me, but my family members with healthy BMI's were not as supportive.

My advice is to tell them all one at a time.

I didn't really tell them until I had a surgery date and knew for sure it was happening . I announced it like the fact it was. "I've decided to have wls."

then I answered their questions.

I am pretty open about surgery, and it's a good thing, since my dad told everyone! Ahaha I'm still not sure if he was excited, or just how he handled his anxiety about me having surgery.

so just be aware, if you're going to be open, assume pretty much every one will know.