Kathy S - WLS Journey - Chicken legs and losing my bone mass :-(

December 28, 2005

Well the last few days have been a roller coaster ride for me. I had a nice holiday but it hurt me when I tried to dress up in a skirt, sweater and black tights. The comments I got was about my "chicken" legs. that I should get a refund from my PT my workouts were not working.... I know they were teasing but it hurt.

Then I got a call from my doctor and the results of my bone density test show I have lost a ton of bone mass in my spine and hips. I was just blown away as I eat dairy, take 4 Citracal tabs a day and work with weights. She now has me on a prescription meds and told me to continue with my weight training.

As if that was not enough to bring me down, the comments from my DH is really getting to me. That I have changed, and I don't love him anymore. That his "fat" bothers me. None of this is true. He is starting to make comments about me and the gym also. Now on top of everything else I had a what I thought was good friend emailed me and pretty much told me I took the easy way out.

I feel right now, that if I want to stay this weight and healthy I need to find new friends. Wow what a choice.

I will post soon!

Love you all,
Kathy

Updated thoughts - No matter how much we read, research and attend support groups meetings we are never really prepared for it all. Wee may be prepared but when it starts happening to you with your loved ones and friends it really hits you. It hit me hard the start of the insecurity my spouse was having. Friends I would have taken a bullet for pretty much trashed me and hurt me bad. You will come to a cross roads if this happens to you and have to make some hard choices. You may have to choose between the new you and family and friends. My family was supportive, had to work through some stuff with my DH, but honestly walked away from some friends. They were too toxic for me....

Yep, this is a very awkward stage, indeed.

First off, did your doc indicate if your bone density is in any kind of danger zone? While I agree you should be taking what you need to level off, your body doesn't necessarily need the same level of density that it had to carry 100lbs ago.

Spouses and friends alike see your newfound confidence and may consider that a threat, especially if they are obese. This great advice was given to me more than a decade ago about spouses: With your husband, even if it feels weird at first, be sure to shower him with enough attention so there's no question that he's your #1 choice. You've probably been concentrating on yourself so much that he's feeling left out. On one side, you shouldn't have to do this "he should know", but he's feeling insecure. Some reassurance will do you both good.

When it comes to friends, especially when you're "friends in fatness" the bond can become unstable when the other no longer feels comfortable being themselves with you. They are feeling like they should be making some kind of change to keep up with you even if they don't want surgery. I had a friend like this and I heard the same comment. Since she researched wls, she knew what was involved to get where I was, so I challenged that accusation and she never said that comment again. Things were a little strained though, and I recognized it was due to her own insecurities as I was shrinking. I resolved that I would not be sharing my own successes with her from that point when I realized that. It helped. I think she is still insecure, but I'm not rubbing her nose in it.

Hi Valerie,

I know you know this as you give wonderful advice. Having a baseline before surgery was key in my managing this side affect after WLS. I lost 17% of my bone mass the first year. We monitored it and I started taking Prolia shots several years ago and have gained some of my bone mass back.

13 years later, I do not regret walking away from those I did and my husband worked through his initial (and normal) insecurities until he passed in 2015.

Being prepared for changes, and comments is very different when that is happening to us. We can never really be prepared to deal with what can feel like a breaking of good friendship.

But the process showed the stand and weak relationships. All my sting ones survived.

Hi H.A.L.A B,

Looking back I think I was a little arrogant. Thinking "I Got This". So when I was confronted with the issues I had read about, it took me back a bit. I do not regret any choices I made and 13 years later. None