Getting honest

Being honest with myself has not always been easy. My head sometimes goes back four years ago.

I got on the scale today and I am up 20 pounds since I stopped drinking booze.

After I quit drinking I lost 20 so fast. Well sugar started creeping it's way back into my life. It started out with fresh fruit. I know some people can eat fruit and maintain. But I can't it also leading me into the direction of candy.

I thought one cookie here and there wouldn't hurt. Well it caught up with me.

I know being sober is better than drinking the way I was. I know that I have a food addiction and I have to really work on my I am eating what I am.

Emotions can put us all over the place. Well for me I would just grab something and justify it. I can talk myself into things that can sound bad one way and sound better a different way I say it.

When I do eat protein forward I do feel restriction. So I am going to keep on working on it.

I do have a NSV. I am working in a pre-school 9 to 10 hours a day. I am tired but when I leave there daily I know I could not have done this before WLS.

I know I am not a failure. A failure would be someone who gives up.

I do not want to be a statistic. I don't want to be the one were people say oh you know Susan she had surgery and gained it all back.

My eating is getting under control.

I would rather be sober than be thinner and drunk and blacking out daily.

For me sharing this helps me. I know I really need to work on my head. My surgery was almost four years ago.

Learning to love myself and know I am worth it. Just one meal at a time.

What a hard daily struggle! I sympathize with how difficult it is to limit sugar once you let any into your diet in any form. It really is a lifelong fight against the voracious carb monster. You're fighting it. Keep going. We are all there with you.

Funny thing when I had the surgery I thought I really knew everything.

The rush after surgery or the pink cloud that comes over us well at least for me. I felt invisible. But now I know I do need to make sure I get support and share.

All days are not bad. Most are pretty good.

It can be easy to beat the crap out of ourselves. So easy.

Hugs.

About 3-4 years post op I re-gained 35 lbs. 10 lbs on purpose, the rest... Just pilled on one by one slowly. I had good excuses - being too thin a year after, hypoglycemia, RH, wine or booze to help with my gut pain, depression and pills for that...

It is so good you see it yourself. I needed help and a push when I had my regain. It like I almost did not care. I needed external help.

I had a wake up call. My back pain started... And I got sick more often. My doc called me on my weight gain. Told me to lose 15 lbs. Tough love. I got serious. Lost 15 lbs in 3.5 months. When I went to see him - I thank him for being hard on me.

He just smiled, and told me to lose another 5 and come back in 3 more months. That was much harder. But I did it.

Fruits and sweets are addictive to me like wine was. The more I eat - the more I want. Plus.... Sweets and even fruits make my pouch less sensitive to full signals. Like I may get full enough to have to throw up- overstuffed, but can't "feel full", and want to eat some more.

I have a friend who never ate sweets until he went to AA and gave up beer. Now he is always looking for candy, pie, cake, cookies, or ice cream.

He tells me many people who stop alcohol end up substituting sugar. He said that all meetings have coffee and doughnuts and people often bring homemade baked goods to share.

Protein forward seems to be the best plan for you now. I don't drink Diet Coke anymore, but that is something that used to help me a lot when I was in groups and meetings where there was food served. I would just keep drinking my Diet Coke instead of eating.

My brother was a huge real Coke drinker. I think he said 48 cans a day. About a year ago, his blood sugar was so high he went into a coma and was hospitalized. He finally switched to Coke Zero. He has lost 100 pounds since last December and 1000's of pounds of sugar have not gone through his system.

He was 284 last November and is now 184. No surgery, just Coke Zero instead of Coca Cola. I don't know if he will keep it off, but he seems determined. One thing that I remember is that he really did not eat much, but was always drinking his Coke.

Hang in there, Susan! I believe in you!!

Can I say, I find your posts inspirational?

I'm only a year out, but I'm really being tested. Knowing what you've overcome and seeing you march on gives me strength!! Thank You

Great insights.

Give yourself credit for your progress. There's a lot there to be proud of. :)

Being a failure is not recognizing there is an issue! We all know that eating for us is an addiction. We all also know once we get a handle on food very often it's replaced with another addiction. You have battled both and won.

Take a breath my friend, and then try to identify all that is going on when you want that sugar high. Yes, it's a high just like with drugs, booze and anything else that gives us that feeling of YES instantly!

For me it helped to ID all the issues that lead to me reaching for the sugar. Once I did that I started to make changes "ONE" at a time. I lived with that change for a week. If it worked great, if not I made adjustments on that change. After a few months I realized I had replaced all my sugar fixes with healthy choices (getting back to my basics) and the weight started coming off.

If you need to talk, I am here for you

YOU GOT THIS!

What a good way to address those issues. Thanks for your post. :)