The emotional toll of obesity

None one really understands unless they have had WLS. Or have been dealing obesity. They don't get it.

People will have opinions. The horror stories some have seen or heard of. I mean when I got pregnant the first time and lost the baby. The dumb stuff that people said to me was crazy. So people are not always nice. They think they are helping.

I try to share with people that are positive. But sometime it is good to hear something that will make us realize that things are not always easy after surgery.

I have been lucky. I have had to have three hernia surgery repairs. Pretty much I blame my obesity for the hernias.

I feel great most days. Dealing with body issues is one thing we have to work on. The surgery was not on our heads.

My life is much better. This website does help. It is good to hear the good and the bad. We don't feel alone in the world.

Totally agree!

Melsbells ... I don't know your scene, so won't say what you should do or how you should feel. That'd be very silly. But I can share my experience on this front.

Almost five years ago, my primary care physician called me out when he said, "You don't know how to care for yourself. You can lose weight, but then you can't keep it off. I don't know why, but strongly urge you to find a good therapist and find out what's stopping you from caring for yourself."

And that's how I eventually learned about WLS and how it could actually be appropriate for me. And boy, has it!

The biggest change I made for myself on the self-care front was I decided for the first time in my life that I was going to put myself and my own needs before all others and their needs. The rather odd thing is that I'm not sure anyone else actually noticed. I still carried out my biggest responsibilities to others. But I also stopped using my lifelong knee-jerk habit of using "obligation to others" as an excuse for not doing the harder work of meeting my obligations to becoming healthy.

Why was it so hard for me to become healthy? Because it was freakin' HARD! It was freakin' unpleasant. It was freakin' uncomfortable. Gee, no wonder I felt like a saint/martyr/heroine as I sought out opportunities to care for others' needs instead of my own -- it was just easier than all the things that went into building and leading a healthy lifestyle. Oh, and I got lots of kudos for helping everybody else. Nobody ever said, "Attagirl!" for helping myself. ;)

I have no expectation that my challenges were similar to your challenges. But unpacking those crazy computations that led us to obesity and bad health, whether they were in response to our own or to others' actions, can be revelatory. But ultimately, our weird computations are on us, not others. I hope the unpacking you are able to do leads you to a saner way to live.

Over three years post-op, I'm so, so, so much healthier in every way than I was before I started on this journey. The surgery and surgical recovery is not even close to the most challenging part of this. I don't know your background and don't know if you're in therapy or how you feel about that. But I'll offer that it has been a critical part of my own recovery.

Very best to you!

Yes I don't post on FB either, and I try not to talk about it to co-workers or randoms either. I had an in-law tell me they knew someone who passed away from the surgery. I thought that was pretty inconsiderate and very hurtful. Best to only talk to people who you know are supportive (in my opinion).