Hi,

I can. I am 40 and divorcing and I am coming to the realization that I may never be a mom. Or if I DO become a mom, it probably isnt going to the nuclear family that I dreamt of.

If you are indeed pregnant, please see your bariatric surgeon +OBGYN. We dont absorb vitamins like normal people, and you two of my bariatric friends had to supplement even MORE than we do now. Wonderfully, they both have had normal pregancies (3 kids between them) and everyone is ok and healthy.

If you truly want a child there are other ways besides carrying it in you. Adoption is always an option if you are able to afford it. I personally cannot relate though because my interest in children is very low to non existent. I like children just don't want any.

It's a huge decision and there are ways to have your own children without having to suffer the body-changing and health risks associated with carrying them post op. I suppose I'm finally getting to the point that I can see that the day to day time and financial burden of caring for kids wouldn't may not require me to give up my longstanding dreams of making great art film etc.

But it means huge lifestyle changes- kids eat kid food ! Kid food makes us fat! Kids demand attention all the time - they have to go to school, be housed securely- you have to suddenly become parent material and a role model not a rebel...

Sometimes I read my own posts and realize I'm evolving a life not unlike some Stuart Woods novel - the best case scenario will be travel security good food and drinks every night - maybe a bit of influence here and there ... honestly pretty empty and boring especially if this is going to go on for 50-60 years. I'm not a retiree yet life my life has evolved( through hard work and maybe some good decisions) into an ideal retirement life -which I'm not nearly physically compromised enough to appreciate.

Like I said it's a huge decision- it hasn't really been an option till now and may never be a real option financially. But if it is - should raising a couple of kids be a part of my dream ? How do post op mothers here feel about their decision? Do many of you find yourselves alone with kids because divorce rates are high post WLS? Or does some hormonal magic happen where you're fulfilled and willing to compromise rather than be using nhappy and stressed?

There need to be some major life changes before raising kids become part of your (or anyone else's) dream. These would include:

• Cutting back and/or eliminating alcohol so you are mentally competent to care for the children
• Placing personal goals on hold for a year or more while your children need the most care (especially during infancy)
• Preparing to share a healthy attitude towards eating and body-image with your children
• Making sure your relationship with your partner (if you have one) is stable-- having a child is incredibly stressful on a relationship, and there's absolutely NO "hormonal magic"
• Ensuring that you are financially stable, as children are quite expensive

I'm not completely familiar with the foster/adoption system, but I believe you need to have all of these boxes checked, plus some others I'm not considering, before the state will approve you to adopt a child.

Personally, having a child was one of the best things I've ever done-- but I delayed it by almost 10 years to make sure that I was healthy (physically and emotionally), financially stable, solid in my marriage, and completely prepared to adequately take care of my son.

I had my kids before WLS, but my youngest was not quite 2 when I had surgery. I had him at 40 years old. I was morbidly obese and had to resort to in vitro fertilization to get pregnant, and I had weekly hormone shots to carry him to term, though even then he was born a few weeks early.

Let me tell you, honestly, being a parent is HARD. Oh, it's completely worth it, but it's not an easy thing. I am responsible for other humans that cannot be responsible for themselves and my care for them can mean life or death for them. Most of the time it's very easy to get pregnant and have a child, most women can do it with no problem, but it is not easy to be a good parent. There are sacrifices that must be made for the good of the child.

Since you are in a position where you can choose whether or not you want to have a child, please take it very seriously and only make the decision if you feel that any sacrifice is worth the health and happiness of that child. Being a parent is about putting that before your needs and wants.

Either way you decide, good luck to you.