In-Person Support Groups

My bariatric center has a support group that meets every month. While attending pre (or even post) surgery isn't required, they do suggest that it's a beneficial exercise. I'm a little hesitant, however, because I tend to feel shy and uncomfortable in social situations where I don't know anybody, and though I know it's a little silly, being pre-op, I feel like I'm going to be self-conscious about my weight. I've done (and continue to do) a ton of research, and I've talked to a number of people online about things, but I'm wondering if any of you went to an in-person support group prior to surgery, and, if so, did you find it beneficial?

What about post-op? Do you, or did you, attend sessions now?

Pre-op, my knowledge of support groups was, um, all from watching Fight Club. Nonetheless, I went into this entire process with the mindset of "I'm going to try absolutely everything to make sure this works."

Sadly I couldn't do the support group through my hospital since it's a) in the city, b) in the evening, and c) on choir night. (Driving into DC on a weeknight? LOLZ.) But I found a layperson-managed local support group and gave it a try. I believe it was once a month and, as is my rule of thumb for trying new/awkward things, I gave it four tries. It sucked a lot. It was basically me and then 3-4 lapband to RNY revisions who bragged about all the "bad" things they did like eating the wrong foods, smoking, and drinking. So I stopped going since it was completely not beneficial in any way.

I found a therapist that I started seeing pre-op and still see, although not as regularly. I started out with once a week and then went to every other week and then more of an as needed thing and then back to every week and then every other week and now it's more of an as needed thing. She's useful for me and I'm glad I've got her on my team.

But then, just a few weeks ago, I found out that there's a new professionally run WLS support group that's like 10 minutes from me! It meets once a month at a local hospital satellite center! It's new, but I went last week and there were three of us plus the facilitator. A post-op RNYer, a pre-op VSGer, and me. I think it has potential and the facilitator has great vision. I'm hopeful that it'll be useful and once a month is an easy enough commitment.

At the same time, I also found that a local therapy place is offering a "bariatric cognitive behavioral group session" every other week. It's not free, but it's covered by insurance and, if it's not, it's cheap enough to pay out of pocket. So I'm going to check that out on the 30th.

About a year ago I also tried an Overeater's Anonymous meeting. I gave it one chance, not my usual four, and knew immediately that it was not for me. I do not "give things over to a higher power" because that's just not how my brain works, nor is it how I want my brain to work.

I feel strongly that support groups can work really well. I think whether they're helpful depends on you, the person attending, and the group itself. Because I feel this way, I plan to keep trying when options arise. The nice thing about support groups for "us" is that, really, everyone is where we are now, or has been where we are. Everyone felt shy and uncomfortable at first. Everyone felt self-conscious.

I think that it's sort of like going to the gym? We're all so worried that everyone is going to stare and gawk at us when, really, every other person there is worrying the same thing that they're too busy/self-conscious to stare and gawk at you :P

When you get right down to it, every single person on this earth has things that they don't like about themselves. If you're actively doing something to work on YOU, that already puts you one step ahead in the game.

So, yeah.. short version? Try everything. Force yourself to try it four times. (I don't know why four is the magic number here, it just is. Probably because that's usually the number of episodes of a TV show on a DVD and if it doesn't work for you by the end of the first disc, it's probably not worth continuing.) I use my rule of four for a lot of things that I'm dubious about - therapy, support groups, exercise classes, whatever. Try it. You might find that it's really useful for you. You might find that it sucks a lot. But you won't know unless you try and it would suck to miss out on something that might be life changing because you talked yourself out of it before you even tried.

Well said!

Thanks. It turned in to quite a novel!

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response! I really like the idea of the 4 times rule. Sometimes you know right away if something won't be for you, but there are a lot of things that take a bit to settle. I'm currently on the market for a therapist (which is a whole other stressful process) but I also agree that support groups can work really well, depending on different factors. I do like that the group is once a month, and it meets on Saturday mornings, which is a pretty doable time for me.

And you're very right about the self-consciousness, and building that all up in our heads. Something I definitely need to continuously remind myself of. :)

Oh my gosh, finding a therapist is/can be such a huge pain in the ass. I basically went to my insurance company's website and printed out their list of therapists in order from closest to my house to farthest away and just started calling. I made it clear on the phone that I was looking for therapy, I was going to be going through weight loss surgery, and that I'm poly and live with my two partners so need a therapist who was open minded. (This is something therapists have had issues with in the past and I'm not going to deal with it.) I knew that I was probably going to have a lot of first appointments with people before finding a therapist I clicked with.

And then, much to my total shock, I clicked with the first therapist I scheduled with! But I was definitely prepared to need to try out a lot before finding one. Finding a therapist that works for you is sort of like finding a boyfriend/girlfriend :P

Yes, I've definitely been approaching it like finding a partner! That was pretty much going to be my approach as well, making a list of the ones close by and doing an initial phone screen to make sure WLS, sexuality, and other things I want to deal with aren't going to be an issue. I also figured it will be a bunch of first appointments, which I'm sort of dreading, but I know long term it's going to be beneficial to find somebody that I really click with. That's awesome that your first appointment went so well! I'll be crossing my fingers that I land on a good fit quickly as well.

My program and insurance required at least one in person support group meeting. When I went I was 319 lbs and was one of the smaller people there, outside of the three that were leading the meeting all the rest were preop people. Everyone was really nice and the ones leading the meeting were between 1 & 1&1/2 years out from surgery and were there to talk about their experiences and to answer any questions we had. It was overall a good experience for me but going to the ongoing support group was not something I felt I needed to do.

Always interesting to hear what different insurances require! Was your group specifically for pre-op, or did it just happen that most of the people attending were pre-op? Did you go more than once before the surgery? It does seem like many people had a good amount of pre-ops in their meeting, so maybe I won't feel so out of place.

I don't think it was specifically for pre-ops but that's how it ended up. I only went the one time that was required of me, I didn't really feel the need to go beyond that and my Drs office is about an hour away so it's too far anyway.