Would you advise your (adult) children to have WLS?

This is an interesting topic. I advised my older brother to have vsg and he did and he hugely benefited. But I am not sure younger people have the maturity to make this decision for life plus who knows what medical breakthroughs will occur. I was 58 and was pretty sure I was running out of time plus I had traveled and had many great eating experiences. I was ready to let go of food as comfort and all the other reasons. If I was 30, I am not sure that would have been the case.

I have a niece and her husband who are in mid 30's and accomplished individuals and I think they both need wls. But they know my example as well as my brother's. They have one child and may be concerned about ability to have a second though being obese reduces fertility. I have never approached her as she is a medical professional herself and with her dad going through it she knows all about it. Unless a person is on "my 600 pound life" I think younger people don't have the maturity. But just my 25 cents. Therapy is a good thing and so is the sports activity. Diane S

Well here goes and I will probably ruffle some feathers....

I see nothing but parents commenting and making IMO selfish decisions. Not a single person who had surgery at the age you describe has commented. Well I did.... 21 when I started researching, 22.5 when I had surgery. And I seriously did not want to have to go that route, but I knew more was at play in my body and I HAD to get it under control. I am the athlete out of my siblings, yet many times weighed double or more than them. And ate far far less, always have and they too attest to that, along with countless others. My parents and me both agreed that while we didnt find it ideal to have surgery even though I was healthy, we knew I was on borrowed time and that an ounce of prevention can help prrvent a world of headache and heartbreak on the medical front. No surgery isnt without complications, but its the whole weighing the pros and cons.

But Really diet and exercise? The same thing that failed you? Or is there a mild bit of jealousy that they possibly dont want to and dont have to follow that same suffering path as you. Sorry to be blunt but when I read so many saying wait and see it out. Its like saying they need to follow exactly what you did and did wrong or didnt have available to you sooner.

That said, I DO get it. I know many that mentally would not be ready for WLS at that age. Immaturity and invincibility are the factors in that.

Honestly it never hindered a social life for me. Actually I had more of one, and alcohol and food doesnt have to be involved. But that means being strong enough to say no and be your own person. My body image issues dissapated as I lost. Pregnancies....well I will never know as what wrecked my body weight wise is also a major player in that. But I do know personally other WLS in their 20s folks who had pregnancies without issue, and lost regain.....again AGE is on our side.

By god Ive met 20 and 30 somes that should NEVER have surgery without major therapy. Aka the desitined to fail club as I call them. But others really have it together more than you may think and their health outweighs most all things. Being healthier will be to their advantage.

Yup the vites can be a bit of pain, but again once a routine is started, much easier to keep.

I can say this now knowing what Ive learned it becomes your new normal. And its just not OMG surgery, surgery, I had surgery. Ive found the younger population of WLSers adapt better since they didnt live 40+ years of the previous way. Many dont have a clue that I had surgery, many will never know, they dont need to and I dont need to broadcast it. What they see is their version of me, not the old one. I dont need to explain to anyone what I do and why I do it. As we get older our circle of friends is less likely to change alot, so questions and comments are made more than in the younger group, they already have an ever changing friend dynamic and are more apt to deal with it. So once they start reaching the calming age, their friends know who they are from when they met, not before.

Thank you so much for your insight as someone who had surgery as a young adult. I really REALLY appreciate your experience and input. I'm glad to hear that you've talked to other young WLS'rs and that the adaptation is easier for many.

Much of what you have said makes absolute sense to me, and part of my brain has said the exact same things - why wait and risk the weight-related health problems, trying and failing with diet and exercise just to prove worthiness or some such.

I also agree that it's not fair or even accurate to pain all young adults with the brush that they're irresponsible and ill prepared. Some are, some aren't... just like older people. I've met people in their 30's, 40's, 50's, and older that absolutely should have never had surgery because they weren't ready or committed for it. So it is not the exclusive province of young people. The only thing that I have seen myself that I can consistently say about most people under 25 (but certainly not all) is that they lack the life experience to know what they don't know. That is what I think many people percieve as over-confidence on the part of the young person. And it's not a failing, that confidence is what leads people to get out and try things by which they gain the life experience. It's the nature of the process, and people need to quit holding it against the young. :) Maybe if we older people weren't so condescending to youngsters, they would give more credence to our advice when we offer it. ;)

I do disagree with your assessment that the comments from parents here are "selfish". As a parent, my perspective on things comes from a sense of protectiveness for my child even though she's now an adult. I found when she brought up the possibility of surgery that it was a real brain challenge for me... all of the reasons I chose the surgery, she also has (except some of the damage, which I'd rather she avoid). The ONLY factors that are different in the decision are her age and the fact that she's MY kiddo. As I've stated, nothing clarifies a question better than applying it in the context of your children. Your rational brain literally fights with your over-protective brain. I think most of the parents here are coming from the same place, regardless of how they come down on the question I posed. It's really not "selfish".

Ultimately, I recognize that it isn't my decision at all. One of the challenges of parenting is learning to let go as your kids get older. By the time they're 20-21, all a parent really functions as is an advisor. How well you've laid the groundwork affects how much the kids listen to your advice. I'm lucky/proud that kiddo and I have a good relationship generally and she trusts my advice on medical issues. I posted because I was interested in other people's thinking on the subject and dealing with the conflicting parental/logic thinking. And to see if there are aspects I hadn't considered, which there were. The inputs help me be a better advisor to my kiddo.

At this point, there's a BUNCH of things for my kiddo that need to happen as a process to getting the surgery: mainly therapy and a lot of doctor's visits. Successes with any of these steps may cause kiddo to want to back-burner the subject of surgery for a while - or for good. She agrees with those steps. I'll support her emotionally and financially to take any and all of those steps as she's ready. I'd be thrilled if she can get this under control without surgery, but I also won't discourage her from surgery. If those steps lead to it, I'll support her emotionally and financially for the surgery.

I totally understand your fears as a parent to protect your child. My parents felt the same way. But mine knew the pros outweighed the cons, and death was on the table either way. I could die while attempting have a good chance to live a long happy life or allow my weight to destroy me at an early age. Either way....its Death.

I whole heartedly agree that therapy isnt a bad choice for the younger crowd. I am both blessed and cursed that I had to learn the adulting side of life early. But it was never a reason for my weight. Yes I was required to see a therapist/psychologist before surgery and was cleared with flying colors as I had total understanding of who I am and my habits. The dr actually was surprised with me as when I commit to something, I commit to it and learn as much as I can and continue to keep with it.

I do agree I too have seen far to many that I question that shouldnt have had surgery of every age.

And now that I look back, selfish wasnt the best word for what I was thinking (when you work midnight and all,lol). Protective fits better. I just find there are many times when we just want our parents to stand with us, not protect us when going forward in life. We will always be your children but dont be afraid to let us to lead into a battle when the pros outweigh the cons. Promote our strengths, guide in our weakness, be our voice when we dont have one but a voice of who we are not who you are or want. That I think is the absolute hardest part for a parent.

"And now that I look back, selfish wasnt the best word for what I was thinking (when you work midnight and all,lol). Protective fits better. I just find there are many times when we just want our parents to stand with us, not protect us when going forward in life. We will always be your children but dont be afraid to let us to lead into a battle when the pros outweigh the cons. Promote our strengths, guide in our weakness, be our voice when we dont have one but a voice of who we are not who you are or want. That I think is the absolute hardest part for a parent."

I agree 100% with you, that the protective instinct needs to be tempered as the person moves into adulthood. My daughter says that I did a good job raising her to be a good adult, and she sees a lot of her peer group that was sheltered and their parents never let go - those kids are ill prepared for adulthood. I had a pretty easy time with her, she was a good kid who rarely got into trouble, so I've given her (mostly) as much freedom and responsibility as she wanted over time, and by the time she was 16 I knew that if heaven forbid something happened to both me and her father, she could be emancipated and handle herself well.

Heck, at 19 her father died after several years of being very ill, and his family was completely unable to cope. She had to handle the police, the funeral arrangements, and everything on her own. I helped where I could, but it's a touchy situation with the ex's family. She's working through probate now, and I'm upset that her dad's side of the family hasn't been much help, but I'm also proud of how she's figured things out with very little help beyond emotional support from me.

I think most kids are more capable than some parents want to think, and even those who have been ill-prepared by their families figure it out once they're launched. :)

My kiddo will make a good choice on this, I'm sure. :)