Would you advise your (adult) children to have WLS?

Well said. Even if WLS were the eventual decision, I'd think there should be a lot of overt (not hinted- or guessed-at) exploration of her current use of food and what rewards / comforts / solutions food offers her thus far.

Also ... kids these days (in my observation) are struggling with (what seems to me are) many more anxieties and challenges than they did in my day. I can't believe I just typed that. But it's what I feel -- perhaps because I can't remember how hard life was for me back in the day when I was her age. I just seem to see that in so many of my own young relatives and friends' children and grandchildren.

Therapy to address a number of things would be my first recommendation if she were my ward.

You are absolutely correct that kids nowdays have a different set of challenges than we did. Harder is subjective, but they are definitely different.

Search YouTube for Simon Sinek's lecture on "the Millenial problem". He makes some interesting correllations between technology/social media use and addictive substances like alcohol/drugs/gambling as well as talks about the other factors that have created the situation with the so-called Millenials.

My kiddo is technically whatever comes after Millenials, but her generation is facing some of the same issues, for some of the same reasons.

I am pushing pretty hard for her to see a therapist about the food/body image issues. I have emphasized a LOT for her that I credit therapy with at least 1/2 of my success so far. I think if she needs financial support from me for WLS that I will insist on therapy. I think she's going to follow up with getting a new therapist (her current one hasn't been very helpful with the issues she's been seeing her for and isn't likely to be helpful with this either) anyway, so that's good.

That's a good point. Most of the time when they get together, they're playing games at someone's house. So I don't know how much emphasis is being placed on food/alcohol. She's also about to embark on a new venture as an EMT, and I know from personal experience that her new co-workers will do a lot of going out drinking, not to mention it's hard to eat right working on an ambulance.

So good things for me to suggest that she consider, thanks!

Great minds! I just posted a similar sentiment before reading yours.

I've known about WLS since I was 16 when my mom had RNY. I'm 32 now and feel ready. I would not have been successful in my 20s. Pizza and beer with friends took priority.

I wouldn't advise my daughter to have surgery -- or to not have surgery. I would encourage her to research the hell out of it if she was leaning towards it.

There are a couple of trends I have noticed over the years. Those of us in our 40s and older go through a few cycles of looking into surgery, doing some prelims, and calling it off. When we do have WLS, the vast majority say we wished we had done it 5 or 10 years sooner.

20 somethings don't generally go through that process. They decide very quickly that surgery is the answer, and then do it.

I have no idea what the repercussions of that are, but I worry it means they will not be prepared for 50, 60, or 70 years of living with WLS. Us, we have far less time we need to worry about being compliant.

I can't find it now, but I read a study a while back that showed WLS had particularly great results for teens.

I'm pretty sure I've seen the same studies you're referencing about excellent results for teens. And some of the newer research that shows pretty convincingly that you're better off doing it with BMI closer to 35 than over 40 in terms of getting a BMI back in the normal range.

So there is evidence earlier is better. I certainly wouldn't want her to continue yo-yo-ing her weight, as it's also been shown that it is harder on the body than just staying overweight. And she does already have several chronic conditions, they're just not technically weight related.

I also share the concern about living with it long term. Kiddo is likely to want to have kids at some point, and I know pregnancy after WLS is definitely doable, but I'm also pretty certain it adds an extra challenge.

It's absolutely not my decision, I totally get that. I just thought I'd get some of the thoughts of others who have been through it, so I can point her at aspects to consider/research she may not have thought of. :)

So I appreciate all the comments and thoughts!!

I had my RNY just after turning 35. While weight didn't hold me back from certain things (I still traveled the world, moved up the ladder at work, had a super active social life) it did hold me back from other pretty major things (the biggest being that I dated a jerk for five years, not thinking anyone else would want me or that I deserved more). So while I wish I had had WLS sooner, I don't think I was mature enough to handle it at age 21 or 22 or maybe even 25. I dunno, it's a tough question for sure, because I certainly wonder what would have been different in my life if I had been normal sized through my 20s and early 30s. There is no way to know but I certainly am curious.

It sounds like you are being supportive and helping her see the benefit of therapy, while also being a good role model (making your health your priority) which is AWESOME.

I certainly wouldn't say "tell her NOT to have it" since I was never able to get my weight under control through willpower alone. But perhaps she can work on herself and wait just a few more years...

Good luck! I know my mom always struggled with my weight and worried about me and I never really understood it, but now that I have infinite amounts of energy, I see how my weight was going to eventually ravage my body.

it's hard to say. I'm in my late 50s and sometimes I think I should have done it 10 or 20 years ago, but then I'm not sure I was in the right frame of mind then. I know I've been extremely successful with this (BMI dropped from 60 to 23), but I know I was absolutely in the right frame of mind when I did it. I'm not sure I would have been as successful if I'd done it earlier. But then, maybe she will be....

She sounds just like I was in my youth, up until I had my duodenal switch in my 30's. I just kept growing despite being an athlete and eating next to nothing most of the time.

While she is inspired by your success, I suggest you have her research the big three procedures (RNY, VSG, DS) instead of just gravitating to what you had. Something else, like the DS that really kicks metabolism in the pants, would work better for her. I say this because I was a one-off, myself. Everyone was following the same person to the same surgeon and I found something completely different because I compared it to my own history.

With a BMI of just 35, she may have a challenge getting wls without any comorbities, but it's worth a try. Also, you want to make sure she is mature enough to understand the lifetime requirements of having wls.

I definitely would push the therapy more so than the surgery. I'm not sure at that age if she's of the mindset of what she'll have to do for the rest of her life. I know for me, looking back on my 20's, I'm not sure if I would be so compliant.

So much of our society revolves around food & alcohol. I think having strategies & talking with a therapist now will help her later if she does indeed decides to move forward with wls.