Telling people about your decision for WLS

My immediate family knew, and 2 close friends at work (one was my former boss). I was only comfortable telling the two work friends because I knew I would not be working with either day to day anymore.

I started a new position post op- so while they saw the weight come off- I think I was too new for people to be comfortable enough to ask me how I was doing it.

If you tell people, do so unapologetically. Own your decision and stand firm leaving no room for debate. You are sharing a decision, not seeking input.

Oh I LIKE that--"you are sharing a decision, not seeking input."

I told work I was "having surgery". I'm a physical therapist assistant and I work in a hospital surrounded by medical professionals. As PTs and PTAs we've been rigorously trained to watch and evaluate bodies. We do it even when it's not our patients, or when we're not working. You can't turn it off. There was no way on god's green earth I was going to subject myself to that kind of scrutiny.

My husband knew, obviously. I told three close friends months ago, and they've been stellar in being supportive and non judgmental. Other people I told after surgery was done because I didn't want to be questioned.

If work peeps ask when I go back in a month, "I had some things fixed" is my go-to answer. I'm not very open at work anyway, as I feel it is unprofessional (I always am patient-facing, and they're there for their health issues, not mine).

My therapist and I have started to talk a little bit about the idea of shame and how it colors how I respond to people, where that shame comes from and how to root it out. Who knows? Maybe by this time next year I'll have unearthed that. Until then, it's easier to just not say. You can't take it back once you've let it out.

I don't think it's as much of a shocking thing anymore. I've had folks at work pave the way by being straight up about what they were having done and why. It actually garnered them a bunch of respect by being so straight forward. Opened up the way for us shyer folks. I've let everyone know that I'm doing this. Haven't had any negative Nellie's rain on my parade yet except my cardiologist who just wanted me to try his way first....

I'm assuming you are in the US. As to the "especially my boss" you don't have to tell him/her anything other than "my doctor has scheduled me for a surgical procedure on X date and I will be out of the office for Y days/weeks." When s/he asks what the surgery is, "Thank you for your concern, but I'm really not comfortable discussing my medical issues with people other than my family."

Your boss has no right to know what your surgery is for. Someone in HR may need to know as they will be the keeper of the FMLA paperwork (again, assuming you are in the US at the company large enough to have to offer FMLA and/or disability). What I said above is what I told my law firm. Not one sentence more. I just kept repeating myself. They got the message.

When people asked about what/why I was eating the way I did after surgery, I said that I was on a diet that was specifically prescribed by my doctor to help after my surgery and I was following my doctor's instructions to the letter. Again, thank you for your concern, but I do not discuss my medical and health issues with anyone other than my doctors or my family.

Guess what, if you keep saying, they believe it and they leave it alone. I had a few questions the first week. Sometimes I mentioned that it was an abdominal procedure. That was it.

FWIW, I told my husband and two teen daughters and two best friends. My mother and my sister do not know I had the surgery. Didn't even tell them I was going to be in the hospital overnight. I've dieted all my life, so seeing me eat weird doesn't draw questions.

I'll be 1 year post surgery in less than a month and I'm 99.5 pounds down.

I tell people. I don't care what they think, but so far everyone I've told has been very supportive.

I've only told my husband and I will probably keep it that way. I've lost and gained weight often over the years and was off and on a low carb diet often before surgery so my eating habits are not really new for anyone. I also had a baby last year so people assume I'm working on losing baby weight. Very few people comment on my weight beyond telling me that I'm looking great.

I just told immediate family and best friends before, but only because I wanted to surprise my extended family and friends, most of whom do not live in the same town I do. So at 6 months, I let the cat out of the bag, and now I tell anyone who inquires. I'm proud of my decision to take control of my weight and my health, and am happy to share it.

At about 3 months out, I had one person tell me they "did it the hard way" after hearing I'd had surgery. Every single other person who has either been told or found out from someone else, has been very supportive and happy for me.

Oh, that's one of the things I worry about too. The judgement from other people who've done it the hard way....

I think this is the hard way...

It hasn't been easy at all. You have to think and pre-plan and self talk. -I am used to drinking water all day long for a medical condition. Now I struggle with when to eat vs. when to drink. I chose drinking over eating all the time. -I have to pre-plan and prepare food for work because nothing is open in the middle of the night except fast food if I forget my meals. -I have to try new foods at home - like bacon- oh god that was ugly and thank god I was at home. -I'm careful to not eat sugar for fear of my tummy rejecting it. -Weighing, logging, counting my intake of protein to make sure I'm getting enough- but not too much because I only have one kidney. Making sure I am taking the correct amount of supplements and at different times of the day as to not conflict with my normal medication. -The depression and mourning the loss of food the first month was terrible. I don't feel I was ever addicted to food but was upset that my favorite foods made me sick the first couple of months ie hard boiled eggs, shrimp, fish. -So many people going through therapy for food related issues must be very hard on them. -Relationships lost.

I would definitely call this process the hard way but the only way for some. Don't let others tell you that you've taken the easy way out. It takes guts to do this...

It sounds like it's been pretty rough for you. I see it's just been a few months, so I hope it gets better for you soon! I know it's an addiction for me, and this is going to be a struggle. I sure hope I'm making the right decision.