Who do you tell and what do you say?

My standard response to the question of how am I losing, has been "Eating a whole lot less and moving a whole lot more". That way I am not lying but I am not disclosing that I had surgery to those who I feel its not their business. The thing is though that I did tell some immediate family and trusted close friends but even though I didn't want it public knowledge I have a family member who has told a few people that I had surgery. It was not done in an ugly gossip way or anything but someone asked him if I had surgery to lose so much because I looked great and so he told him I did. I wouldn't want him to lie but at the same time I am not thrilled that it was told. Such is life I guess.

I had an interesting experience pre surgery. I was sitting having coffee at the grocery store. I had my insulin pen sitting on the table. A guy came up to me and said that he saw I was diabetic. Then he said I'm not saying you're fat but I was extremely overweight and had diabetes. I had wls snd my Diabetes are gone and I've lost 200 pounds. We talked for awhile... That conversation got me started on my journey to wls. Because of him and lots of other factors I had wls in April. I decided to be open about my surgery because talking to him was so inspiring.

I chose to tell no one except close family, and my boss and HR Director at work (I wasn't there long enough to qualify for FMLA, so I thought honesty was the best way to get support, and that worked out from that perspective).

I did this as I am a very private person, and generally don't disclose my medical issues, regardless of what they are.

My point is - it didn't matter. Virtually every person I told, and keep in mind these are the people closest to me in life, betrayed my confidence. My wife, my mother, my mother-in law and my boss all shared this information with others. Often several other people. It was disappointing to say the least.

So I guess my advice is, tell NO ONE or tell EVERYONE. If you tell even a small group of people, it's highly likely everyone will know anyway. Pretty much everyone in my extended family, everyone at work, and everyone in our friend circle knows thanks to my small group of confidants.

Intially I only told a couole of good friends and my parents and siblings.

The process from the initial referral to surgery was so long for me, it became a main part of my life so it came up often when talking about future plans - but how many people do you share the details of your goals and life schedule with? So really only my immediate family and 1 or 2 friends knew.

When I got close to surgery, I told a few more of my closest friends because I would want to know of they were in the hospital. I also "tested" the waters out with one or two people at work and my boss (for her support) -- specifically the ones whom I thought would be respectful about it.

I figured the word would spread -- which I preferred honestly. Those who would judge me would do it behind my back (whatever) and those who were genuinely concerned would reach out to me.

Something unexpected happened post surgery which really threw me:

I got a lot of compliments and encouragement from my closest friends -- and then there were people who didn't say anything about it. There was no question that they could see it -- I have lost 80 pounds so far. It confused me and almost ticked me off. I have been friends with some of these people since I was a kid! Couldn't they say something nice to me!? But then I realized that these people never commented on my weight (in a negative or supportive way). Maybe they never thought my weight was a good or bad thing -- it just was what it was..either that or they didn't want to openly judge me. Either way I appreciate it.

When I lose 100 pounds, I will post about it on Facebook, because this IS a big deal. The surgery will only take you so far -- it is hard work and you have to stay focused. I am so proud of myself for the changes I have made and continue to practice...and that is the acheivement.

Congratualtions on coming this far and making the changes you already have.

Good luck with your recovery!

I told my husband and two friends. One of them stopped speaking to me for 6 months! Other than that i say nothing. I tell no one. My medical history is private.

I guess you can call me a liar. It's such a long story. It's a life-long struggle and I have to contain it to one 'wls' answer? I accept the compliments and if they dig I weigh it out. Most of the most annoying people who ask I see rarely. I just don't give the whole story. I try to keep it flip. It's amazing what can happen when you stop eating and work out for 3 hours a day. This is true but not the whole story. Honestly, I don't think it's their right to know. If you're in my trust circle you know the whole truth because you care about the whole person. I will say I turned to ketosis which is true. I tried a lot of things. Keto diet matches the WLS diet though. In general I keep the full story for close friends and family.

Told my husband, my two teen daughters and two very close friends. No one else. Not my mother, not my sister. When people how I am losing weight, I am honest, to a point

I am working with a medical team

I weigh every ounce of food I eat and log it

I drink at least 64 ounces of water a day

I eat at least 60 grams of protein a day

I don't eat sugar

I rarely eat white flower or things with processed flour

I exercise for at least 10-12 hours a week.

My sister still doesn't know. My mom died not knowing and I'm fine with that because she did nothing but judge. My work was told I needed to have surgery and would be out for a few days. When I was on liquids or a soft diet, if people asked I just said I was eating as told by my doctor to deal with a medical condition and changed the subject. If they pried, I asked them when they last had sex. That usually shut things down, fast!

At first I was really self conscious about telling people about surgery. I guess I still am with strangers in the gym who see me regularly. I've found myself lying to them in a way. Well, not lying, but half-truthing it with "Oh, diet and exercise." I leave out the VSG part. Recently in one of my classes, we were all on lunch break together, eating in the class room and I mentioned that I tracked all my intake and all my exercise when I go to the gym. A woman mentioned that she wanted to lose weight and was thinking of VSG, but was scared of what people would think of her. I simply said "I had it, and it's the best choice I ever made." Then it opened up a huge discussion between all of us and the support for having WLS was immense. I'll always believe VSG is the thing that saved my life and I'll be happy to tell people that even if I never lose another pound (though let's not go there!)

Well I told everyone EXCEPT my mother who was 1800 miles away. No matter what I did she always tried to talk me out of it so I thought it best. When I did finally go see her at goal weight she was pleasantly surprised and told me my body was perfect. Funny I never heard that as a child or teenager. My mother had some dementia and has now passed away. I told my obese brother and he did it too and had a good result. So I do tell people I had the surgery. Its going on 8 years and hardly anyone remembers the fat me. But there is photo evidence I proudly drag out once in awhile. Diane S