A Monday Reflection
on 7/17/17 3:22 pm
I know I've posted a lot today. I'm processing. Probably should begin The Memoir. I just want to remember to respect each person's journey. Most of us know our triggers and danger zones, and more accurately, our own history of struggle. None of us are entirely identical.
I have eaten high-protein and low-carb for well over a decade. I had it down before the band installation. The Band: No restriction, some restriction, too tight, too loose, then fills didn't take. It did get me down from 330 to 206 before it let me down completely.
After the band quit working, I didn't gain by eating "wrong." I gained by eating more. Rather than 5 olives, I ate 15-20. Rather than an ounce of cheese, I ate 3-4 ounces. Rather than a 6 oz. glass of red wine, I drank a bottle. I always ordered meat and salad but ate it ALL. Now that I look at calorie counts on some menus, I am stunned by how many calories in one meal. I easily consumed 3,000 calories a day (all protein, good fats, and veggies), but my RMB is about 1,700 a day. I'm not an active person---my job and all of my hobbies are sedentary. It is easy to see why I gained back 60 pounds over 6 years. Believe it or not, to gain only ten pounds a year was a grand victory for me. Back in the day, I would easily put on 60 pounds in a year.
I only gained 10 a year because I was eating the right stuff; I was just eating too much of it.
So, I did not get "here" by eating cake (I'm allergic to wheat) or pie or ice cream or cookies or candy bars or pasta or rice or potatoes or bread. I did not get "here" (this time) by allowing myself a bite of this or that and backsliding. I did not get to this place this time by snacking on bags of chips or eating boxes of cereal. No doughnuts. No; it happened because I was able to eat MORE and I did, as well as eating late at night and TV snacking on nuts, olives, cheese, and wine.
So, I know what I need to do here. I can't have fruit; no apples, no bananas, no peaches. I can't have many things that others here include in their menus. But I don't chastise anyone for having an apple. Just because an apple would toss me into a stall does not mean it does that to other people. I can have some foods that might be triggers for others. I know my triggers. I don't go near them.
I appreciate the support here; I'm also doing OK working MY program ( I believe they say in AA). Trust me; if I need to be lined out about eating something bad, I'll kick myself around far worse than any here will.
My main concern is that I never want to go back to being able to eat too much again.
Now, I'm going to have a slice of that crustless quiche that just came out of the oven. That's supper. Protein shake later.
on 7/17/17 4:29 pm
I have been posting and reading every day for about a decade on OH and I assure you I have never ever seen anyone chastised for eating an apple.
- High Weight before LapBand: 200 (2008)
- High Weight before RNY: 160 (2015)
- Lowest post-op weight: 110 (2016)
- Maintenance Weight: 120 (2017-2019)
- Battling Regain Weight: 135 (current)
on 7/17/17 4:34 pm
Those two things are not the same. Popcorn a few weeks out from surgery is legit dangerous. And no one gets chastised for making a mistake and admitting to it, but lots of people get chastised for defending a stupid decision to the death.
- High Weight before LapBand: 200 (2008)
- High Weight before RNY: 160 (2015)
- Lowest post-op weight: 110 (2016)
- Maintenance Weight: 120 (2017-2019)
- Battling Regain Weight: 135 (current)
on 7/17/17 4:42 pm
Seriously? I am 12 weeks out and cleared to eat anything that doesn't bother me. Popcorn and seeds are on my food list.
Thank you for calling me a name. I really need none of that, which is what my whole post is about.
Huh? No one called you a name. Saying a decision is stupid is different than saying a person is stupid.
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
I have to agree completely. In a recent post of mine I got a lot of responses I didn't anticipate and were not the most positive but no one was mean or rude. There was no name calling and I really haven't seen posts that are mean. We don't always hear what we want but I believe the discourse has overall been polite. You can't take disagreement as dismissal or rudeness.
It's doesn't matter how you got to be obese- the point is you did. How makes you no better, smarter or this effort less difficult. Your post comes off as if you are some how difffrent then us cake lovers, you're not. You have a different poison of choice- but you still can't moderate your poison. If you could surgery would not be necessary.
Yes, do what your program outlines, but as I'm sure you've seen here over and over, programs are as imperfect at people. Listen and be ready to apply the modifications. Everything isn't for you, apply what you know is. Take the meat, leave the bones.
If you know what you need to do and take exception to being told otherwise, why are you on the forums at all? You will be able to eat more as time goes on, without a doubt.
5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI
on 7/17/17 6:52 pm
Peachpie, I am learning about the progression of this journey. For that I am grateful.
You have been one of the strongest teachers.
Where I am in my journey and how I got here matters to me.
I don't mean to indicate that I think I am superior to cake lovers; The only reason I gave it all up is due to allergies.
I would never chastise a cake lover for taking a bite or allowing him or herself that choice.
THAT is not my place.
If I choose 7 grams of carbs in a rice cake or a cup of popcorn, that is my choice.
I don't think I deserve---or anyone deserves---to be told it is a stupid decision.
If I post an accountability posting of eating off my program, I don't expect to be taken to the mat for it.
How does that help anyone?
I am here for support.
I also know what works for me.
My poison will be wine, but I damn sure won't post accountability here if I have a glass down the road so I can be told I'm going to die.
For the support and knowledge, I thank you all.
For the negative attacks, Some might think that is just being honest and telling it like it is but it can come off as condescending and bossy.
Perhaps the reflection is better in a diary away from the eyes and opinions of others until you are clear about your journey, your mistakes, your wins, and your plan of action?
That is what I do.
Basically, I use to the forums to read about the struggle and successes of others. See how others have overcome and use them in my own journey. I use the forum to vent and ask questions.
RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013;
Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat