self consciousness

Hi. I am in the pre op stage for RNY. I will most likely have surgery in about 2 months. I have lost 50lbs. I went to family party yesterday and people were asking me if I had lost weight. I may be different than anyone else but I don't like it when people ask or say that I have lost weight because it's proof they are looking at my body. I personally think it's rude to comment negative or positive on someone's body. Of course I just said, yes I have, thank you. I guess I have to really prepare myself for the comments post surgery. Does anyone else have a hard time like this?

I also think it's super rude to comment about a person's body if they haven't brought the topic up themselves first.

My coping mechanism, which works -most- of the time, is to smile, say thank you, and then change the subject. If the person persists, I repeat my script exactly - including the exact same subject change. I.e., if I say, "Thanks, can you believe who died on Game of Thrones last night?!" the first time, I'll say, "Thanks, can you believe who died on Game of Thrones last night?!" the second time. Most people get the hint pretty quickly.

We are so excited for you and your upcoming surgery.

It's understandable you feeling this way and we have often posted on the boards about it. That being said yes as you lose people are going to comment and say things. Try to get to a good place with these comments. You can't control what others say and do but you can control how you let it affect you.

After a while it will get funny...

A few months ago people started to tell me I was "too skinny". The first time I heard this I was about 220lbs. It was a #!#©¡ crazy thing to say...so I started laughing.

one persistently rude woman at a conference was dragging others over to show me to them. I whispered to her that I was losing weight because they dying. But I'm obnoxious that way. She was mortified at what she'd done. Good.

I am also not comfortable with the attention, either, especially when people then inevitably ask, "How did you do it?" I've lost and gained so many times, I think people have stopped taking notice. So far, not a single person has said a word even though I am swimming in some of my jeans. On the flip side, recently I wore a pair of jeans that "fit" but really accentuated my butt and hips. I looked horrible (I thought). I jokingly said that someone who loves me should have told me not to leave the house in those jeans, that just because they "fit" doesn't mean I should be wearing them. I received a barrage of oh, you look fabulous and you are beautiful the way you are. Teach me to keep MY mouth shut!

CONGRATS on losing 50 by your own determination and willpower. That is stellar!

50 lbs, that's fantastic! Big congrats to you!

i agree with you so much. I don't like the thought of people watching me let alone judging me for what they think I should look like. My family is just about the worst you can get on doing this. Most of my family are not skinny but I'm the biggest girl, height wise and weight. Someone, won't mention names, once asked me how much weight I was trying to lose and what my starting weight is. I finally told them the SW and was quite trite about it. They didn't believe me. I avoid confrontation like the plague. Sometimes folks just irritate the heck out of you!

I haven't lost weight in ages but sometimes people will ask out of the blue or upon seeing me, "did you lose weight?" which I interpret as an attempt to call attention to my obesity. Or perhaps they think they're doing me a kindness by throwing me a "compliment"?

I am not a self-conscious person but it skeeves me out. So my usual response is something like "I'm here to enjoy myself, not to disclose my personal health issues" delivered with with a smile. Then I walk away.

I certainly understand. For me, it's not so much that it makes me uncomfortable as it is that I am SO SICK AND TIRED of having the SAME conversation for the last 1.5 years!! It may be new to them, but it's not to me, and it's just exhausting.

That being said, I try and remember that 99.9% of the time they have nothing but the best of intentions, and like it or not, in our society and culture there is nothing taboo about commenting on peoples weight (we could argue that there should be, but there just isn't). So, it will happen. You can get lots of advice for answering, dodging, etc, but you can expect it more and more as you lose tons of weight. People can not hide their complete shock when they see you!

One last thing - it's a better feeling than when people say "have you put on some weight" ;-) LOL.

I like Gwen's method. Honestly, the comments do stop but it may take a while. I even changed where I work so I was no longer known as "that person who used to be obese".

I like blending into the woodwork so I use this as motivation to stay at my goal weight. I know the rude comments will start right back up again if I gain.