First backhanded compliment

I saw a woman I haven't seen since last summer today. She really is very nice, so hopefully this was just a poorly worded exchange:

She pulled me aside and asked with much concern, "How are you doing? Is everything okay? Because you have lost a lot of weight since last year..."

So apparently to her, I must look like I have some kind of wasting disease. Argh. My dad, his wife and a houseguest all confirmed I look great/really healthy and not on death's doorstep, but she threw me for a loop and made me wonder for a minute!

People are just awkward. They don't realize how their comments come out. Hey, she noticed your weight loss!

great job!

I was always really worried about this happening because my dad's cancer battle coincided with my WLS and I was worried that people would remember cancer in conjunction with my family but forget who exactly had it and be concerned about my weight loss as a result.

So because of my experience/history, I'd be inclined to think that this woman might be experiencing some illness-related weight loss with someone close to her and since that's on her mind, she worried about you. Assuming it doesn't happen again, I'd try not to worry about it!

I'm sure you don't look like you have a wasting disease! :)

My dad just finished chemo and radiation a few weeks ago, so you're right, she may have just had cancer her mind...

I hope your dad is doing well after his treatments?

I'll bet that's it, though. She just had cancer on her mind and accidentally associated it with you instead of with your dad. At least, this is what I'd be inclined to believe the first time it happened. If she does it again... well then I'd be less inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

He is doing well, thanks Gwen! Still a bit weak from it all, but bouncing back. He'll go back for his first post-treatment scans in September to find out if it worked.

My fingers will be crossed for both of you.

Yup what Gwen said. The only people who've asked about my health re weight-loss have been people who've either had serious health challenges, or someone close to them has. And are the happiest when I explain the loss was by choice.

Also, the reality is, if someone doesn't see you on a regular basis, going from a full face, to a skinnier face can be quite jarring. It takes everyone's brain a while to catch up.

I give people the benefit of the doubt, unless I know he/she is an asshole. It sounds like this person was genuinely concerned about your health.

We do tend to look gaunt in the beginning ****il things seem to even out). Our loved ones who see us everyday may not notice it, but it is probably more evident to people we rarely see.

I had a similar comment from a coworker. He said "You're looking good. You don't have cancer or anything, do you?" He was very forward but not ill intentioned. I just laughed it off. He was the only person that ever said something like that. Everyone else just seemed happy for me.