Dating after weight loss

Beauty goes way beyond the physical appearance. I used to work with special needs kids. I frequently dealt with foster parents that were less than stellar to say the least.

I now work in the medical industry. There is a woman that kept coming in with her daughter who has many physical challenges. Her daughter is approximately 8 years old. I have seen the interaction between her and her daughter over the last 4 years. It wasn't until last year that I learned that she is trying to adopt the girl that she calls her daughter. I've never seen a parent treat their child as good as the way that she treats her daughter. She has literally moved out of the area to be closer to doctors for her daughter. I keep calling her her daughter because there is no better term for the little girl.

I was absolutely shocked to find out that she is attempting to adopt and that she is not her biological mom. Her mom is one of the most beautiful people I know and it has nothing to do with her physical appearance. To look at her she is actually quite plain, but she has beauty beyond compare.

I think everyone has given you some great advice. :)

Ultimately I think "how the hell can you get over this" is really to just.. do it. Sucks, eh? But I also think that this might be a good thing to talk with a therapist about, since a therapist might have better advice about getting beyond this in healthy ways.

I hope it goes super well and better than expected.

When we're obese, many of us are bothered by the way that others judge us based on our appearance. People may assume that overweight people are lazy, stupid, etc. and it hurts.

It seems like you're doing something similar to this guy! Because he's slim, you're automatically assuming he's shallow and cares only about appearance.

Seems pretty unfair when you think about it that way.

Just another angle to consider!

Before I lost my weight, while I was losing weight, and after losing weight, I was on dating websites. I decided to use decidedly "B" pictures. Instead of picking those pics where the angle and lighting was JUST right, and filtering out the scar on my face or the gray in my roots, I picked photos where I looked like myself. I figured that way, in case I happened to have a good hair day on the day of the date, I would be a nice surprise, rather than a letdown ;)

I dated tall men, short men, chubby men, cut men...and like Kim said, I made sure to have a few online chats, one phone conversation (to make sure we could actually have conversation) and then meet them for a first in-person date. I had a lot of first dates and fewer second dates, since the first date really tells you if you would enjoy seeing them for a second date. I never tried to get ahead of myself and try to picture myself with that person beyond just, "do I want to have more conversation with him on a second date?". And I met my now live-in boyfriend on one of those websites (he's muscular and has never been even one pound overweight!). He loves me for me...he has seen pics of me when I was 350 lbs, and he has seen my body with saggy skin and plastic surgery scars, and he thinks I am beautiful. So it can happen, but sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs!

Please try not to be down on yourself - you said it yourself, you are most importantly a great person. There is no reason to think that a well-built person wants someone who is a size 2. Perhaps he will be a great guy, fun, intelligent, and kind. Or he could be a self-obsessed bore. Or a million other adjectives! Just go out with him and be confident in who you are - confidence is the sexiest feature someone can have. Good luck and come back and tell us how the date goes!

Pengworm ... so many great posts here.

I met my hubby online in (gasp!) 1996. Would NEVER have met someone like him in real life. We are so perfect for each other.

Keep stretching and taking (reasonable) risks. It's how we win our prize. Kind of like deciding to have WLS. ;)

So many great points you have all made, really grateful for everyone's input.

I have been seeing a therapist since before I ever decided to have surgery. It is the strangest thing that I was randomly paired with her. I first went to see her when I was having panic attacks when I first began to suspect my husband was cheating. Her and I clicked right away. Long story short now that I have been with her for a couple years I've found out she too had a cheating cop husband ad well as baratric surgery herself too. She is a wonderful therapist but unfortunately money is in very short supply and I only see her probably once every couple of months now. She practices an hour away now so the expense is even greater with the drive. As soon as I get back on my feet again financially I want to get back to seeing her regularly as I obviously have way more work to do.

I will keep you guys posted. Thanks again

I have to agree with the poster who said you're pre-judging him on HIS looks :)

I've been in your shoes, and it's horrible. I found that seeing a counselor/therapist helped me with these issues.

It sounds trite, but you can't be loved if you don't love yourself.

CitS