Dating after weight loss

I hope it's ok to post this here, I tried in the dating forum but didn't get any replies and I desperately need advice.

I am almost two years out and over 100 down. I was married for 15 years and have been single since just before my surgery when we split. In the two years I dated someone for five months. I've been doing the online thing since I live in a rural area and can't seem to meet guys any other way.

Here is my problem. I have a date coming up with a gorgeous guy. He is a clinical atheltic trainer and has a freaking awesome body and is very handsome to boot. I think I'm cute but I cannot for the life of me understand what this type of guy wants to go out with me for? He has been complimenting me and been super sweet which is awesome but I just cannot stop thinking I'm not good enough. If course he has seen pics of me but I'm afraid maybe he didn't realize I'm this short size 14 girl even though it should be obvious from my pics.

I I am honestly terrified that we will meet and he will think I'm fat and be disappointed somehow. I don't think my already super low self esteem could take it.

For what it's worth I have seen pics of his ex wife and we definitely share a similar look so I guess he must have a type? I just assume a guy that looks like this wants a size 2 blonde that is in the gym all the time but I know I'm being stupid.

How the hell can I get over this? I am so tired if feeling like I'm damaged goods and not good enough. I don't want to ruin my chances with this guy before it even starts because I am so down on myself

Just have your date and don't worry about what he thinks about your appearance.

What matters is not the external package but the person inside. He knows that already which is why he wants to date you.

Have you been emailing and talking a lot about many other topics? Has he seen updated pics of you? Have you told him you had surgery?

ALL dating- online or otherwise requires courage. Especially after divorce. How you "get over it" is by getting out of your comfort zone and DO IT. Do it knowing it might not work. He might end being a complete jerk and it will be YOU that says no thanks.

I met my husband online and I know many people who have met their loves on line. Whenever anyone asks me the key to our success, I say honesty. About who we are, what we look like, our hang ups, and our past heartbreaks.
And " looks like this wants a size 2 blonde that is in the gym all the time" is very self deceiving statement. I know most men, like women with curves and healthy. He might not want that at ALL. If he did and he is all that he would have sought that out and found it, in the gym. He chose it date online.

I can't tell you to change your self confidence level. No one has that power except you. But, each time you have a date, or a relationship it changes you and teaches you what you don't want and what is a game changer for you. Every date should raise the bar.

Keep us posted!

Seriously great response!

Good luck and have fun!

could not agree more. i met my husband online dating and really you need to stop worrying about what he is looking for/wants and worry about what you do.

If he's not into you...so what? you deserve to be with someone who is.

You may not be into him. believe me i dated a guy Angelina Jolie would scratch my eyes out to be with and barely could make it through a meal with that narcissist. Your only real concern should be does he meet my standards!

You may want to get in touch with a therapist to help you sort out your feelings about yourself. It may help.

When I was online dating, I met several guys who looked NOTHING like their pictures. As long as you have been honest with your pictures, he's not going to be surprised.

Online dating is like swimming in a swamp, it's dirty and murky, with some dangerous animals lurking in it. However, on occasion, a great guy/girl just like you, is swimming in among the crap looking for a good person. I met mine 5.5 years ago and he's awesome!

Funny (or not) story. I met a guy for a first date who told me I wasn't really average sized for my height. I was 6ft tall with a BMI of 21! Yeah, really chubby you dumbass! And no, he was no Brad Pitt! He wa*****hing well above his weight, if I say so myself.

My best advice is don't converse for too long online. Meet up real soon, because it's very easy to build up a picture of someone on their best behaviour behind a keyboard. I spoke to my bf online on a Tuesday, had a one hour phone call on Wednesday and first date Friday. He was, and is, the real deal. And if they send you a dick pic or ask for scantily clad/nude of you, click *block*. That is no basis for a grown up relationship.

Came to give the same advice. I met my now husband 11 years ago through online dating.

Dont spend a bunch time trying to get to know people online, you can never manage or meet those expectations.

to me, online dating is just about facilitating meeting someone in person to see if there's a connection, and go from there.

Another pro tip: first dates should always be short, coffee, one drink etc. On your way to "another commitment " .you'll know in the first 5 minutes if you are interested in a second date.

online dating can be fun, but it can also be a long slog, so don't invest much emotion in every first date, but you can still have fun with it.

Also, I'd suggest talking to a therapist about your self esteem issues. Its not a great sign to feel unworthy of a potential partner. Sets up a pretty lopsided dynamic.

Lol should have finished reading the whole thread before posting. It's all been covered, that's why I love this forum! .... and hate when I fall behind!

You're judging him by his looks, so you can't imagine why he wouldn't judge you on yours. Save the judgment until after you meet and actually learn about him in person! He could be great or he could be a dud. He could be into you or not. You will never know unless you give him, and more importantly yourself, a chance.