What has been the hardest thing to reconcile with your new and old self?

For my it is when I see myself sideways in a mirror. I know that I've lost weight but my kyphosis (hunch back) makes me look like I should be ringing a bell somewhere.

I think you look great.

I think my biggest things is forgiving myself and learning to love myself as who I was before and now.

Surgery has made me grow up and become more honest.

^^^^^ THIS^^^^ EXACTLY THIS!!

I agree about the numbers on the scale. It took forever for me to get used to the 200s instead of 300s. Now I'm heading for the 100s, and I know it's going to be so hard for me to see those numbers and not see 2s!

The most difficult thing for me, though, I think was the realization that I wasted most of my life worshipping at the food altar. I feel so good now, and there are so many possibilities ahead. But I'm 57 years old. When I think about how much of life I let pass me by, it makes me so sad. I know I can still do a lot of things; but oh, that I only had my youth to go along with this great new life!

The hardest thing for me to wrap my brain around was that I am in charge of my health/weight.

100%, no excuses.

I lived in fear for several years post-op that I would gain it all back. Guess what? At almost 9 years out, I have not. Maintenance is hard but I know I can do this and will continue to fight like hell to stay here. I will not lose focus.

This is an interesting and inspiring share. I have been heavy my whole life, only dipping below 200 pounds (since 1980) on a few occasions of extreme diet-pill induced deprivation. I do know that I have never had a perception of how others see me. Maybe most of us don't. Each time I reach a specific weight, it is associated with a period in my life when that is how much I weighed. I recall where I lived, what I was doing, what I wore, what my main problems and joys were at that time. I can look at pictures and say, "Yeah, I weighed 241 there." Is that weird? I know that I weighed 124 in 4th grade, 165 in 6th grade (at which time I now realize I was full grown), 175 when I graduated high school (which for me is normal, but everyone had me convinced I was HUGE), 145 the first time I married, 175 the second, 198 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, and that is the last I ever saw of a weight below 200. Recognizing this association really drives home just how much a part of my identity I have let that number become. Along with every other factor that identifies episodes of my life, that number is always present; it is embedded in my memory as soundly as a smell. I doubt that will ever change.
I recall my 82-year-old grandmother being thrilled that she finally weighed 125 at the end of her life. I'm sure my dying thought will be, "How much do I weigh?"

I really struggle the most with not having a lot of clothes and shoes. It annoys me so much that I had to give up my extensive fashion collection and shoes. Having a nice wardrobe at the size I used to be was a real hobby. I searched high and low and put countless hours into it, and now it is all gone.

That frustration has spilled over into so many other things. It took me a long time to pinpoint the source. So instead of waiting until my weight is stable to rebuild. I am just buying what I want, whatever the costs (I had a certain max price point for transition clothes). This has helped me get over my frustration with myself and be happy where I am. I'm not stuck in limbo forever waiting to lose to X to start my fashion life again.

I work in fashion and another industry so fashion is important to me and is part of my identity.

I always thought/visualized myself smaller than I was, so now I really look how I thought I looked, so my physical appearance is more normalized to me.

I still find myself surprised sometimes when I sit in seats in public and have so much extra room now instead of being wedged into it.

I am angrier! I am having a hard time reconciling my formerly nicer, more passive self with my current more angry self. About a year before I had WLS, there were two huge and significant problems that came to light in my family. Things that had been challenges came to a head. Since WLS, another thing with friends/community members has also come to a head.

I honestly think that this trifecta of personal challenges are not related to my weight or my WLS. But, my response to them has really been colored by the WLS. The excitement/high of the quick weight loss kind of helped me during these hard personal things--a distraction, or an "at least this is going all right."

Also, the WLS has helped me face these challenges in a strong way--hoping to maintain my sense of self in spite of some huge hurts. Weighing less, I have been more confident setting boundaries and sticking up for myself. However, I have been less confident at the same time, because I am still reeling from the personal challenges, which probably will always be there--and having to figure out how to go forward. I am not yet comfortable with who I am on the inside--figuring this out will take a lot more work.

So, WLS has allowed me to not internalize my anger, and I am struggling with how to manage it, and how to go forward in peace.