Blah blah blah, neverending criticism

The competitive thing is real between some moms and their daughters. It also might be that her mental picture of you hasn't caught up to reality so every time she sees you, she thinks you've lost more weight. I read once it takes 6 months to overwrite those mental pictures both for ourselves and others. I think you look beautiful in that dress!

My mom does the same thing...I have been countering with "why do you ask?" Either she stammers at a loss for understanding her own motivation - or trying to come up with a palatable answer OR she actually has something relevant to say. For example, maybe she thought the dress was too big on you? Kind of a back-handed complement I know...but maybe better than what it sounded like. Perhaps asking her about her thoughts is a tool to try.

My mother is extremely critical of my appearance. She is also very pushy and opinionated about it.

I have had to firmly shut her down for my own mental health. I don't allow her to make any comments about my appearance.

It was hard for me to tell her to stop or redirect her every time, but the only choice I saw was to put an end to it or let her comment and then feel hurt and or upset for days. She certainly felt no remorse.

Confrontation, especially with our mothers, can be uncomfortable; however, I think it is more uncomfortable to allow someone to continue on and not speak up.

My mother is critical like this, too. Sorry you experience this -- I know it sucks the joy out sometimes.

As a Mom I can't help but feel that my daughter may feel the same way at times. She is substantially overweight and I worry about her, especially after a recent bad breakup after which she gained even more.

ETA: I wanted to add that sometimes as a Mom it is difficult to realize how what you say is going to be perceived on the other side. Not sure this completely makes sense?

I feel the same way. My mom was always critical. When I was fat that was all I heard about and when I lost weight then I was too skinny. It was like I could never make her happy.

Now I got girls and my job is to keep my mouth shut. I worry that they will say the same things about me that I have said about my mother.

My youngest just lost about 60 lbs on her own and I am so happy for her but she posted a picture and the first thing that popped in my mind is "You've lost enough".

I didn't say it thankfully but that is exactly what my mother would say.

And my oldest recently gained a great deal of weight. I mean almost overnight. I was shocked when I saw her but I said nothing. I knew that no matter what I said it would sound to her like criticizing. I do know she is dealing with a pre-diabetes diagnosis and I am worried that is the cause of her sudden weight gain but it is up to her if she wants to talk about it.

Even my middle girl, sometimes she looks like she has put on a bit and I say nothing. What they weigh has nothing to do with me and it's none of my business unless they want to talk about it.

I thought I could say something to middle girl helpful and I realized she knows she has gained some weight. And she knows what to do about it. She doesn't need me, Ms Expert on weight, to tell her how to lose a few pounds.

So I blind myself to their appearance to a degree because I know from personal experience that no matter what I say they will hear it as criticism. I know I did.

I definitely try to keep my mouth shut. I hope I succeed. I had enough problems myself with my weight over the years and I know I didn't need anyone else (especially my mother) "weighing" in.

I feel exactly the same way.

Having one crappy parent-and one good parent-has really taught me the do's and dont's of parenting-for most situations anyway.

My 24 yr old son is SMO, and my daughter has gained quite a bit of weight in the last 2 years. ( She's lost some of that on her own.) I've never said a word, and would never, to either of them about their weights no matter how much I may want to offer my guidance. If they wanted/needed my advice, they'd ask for it.

My father was the critical parent. He made fun of me when I was 17 and I'd actually lost about 20 lbs at that point. My father was one of the biggest ******** in history, but I learned from him how NOT to parent.

My mother never, ever said a word to me about my size. The only comment she ever made regarding my weight was when she hadn't seen me in 6 months. I'd moved from our city to where I live now-and had to go home for my maternal grandmother's funeral. I'd lost 20 lbs just from living in a 2 story house and living in a hilly neighborhood...haha. ( My hometown is flat-really flat.) She said "Living in South Carolina agrees with you, you look great!" I said thank you and our convo moved on.

If my father was still alive, he'd probably have told me I was too thin at my lowest weight, but would have been harping on me that I'm too fat again since I'm 10 lbs heavier than my lowest weight. For my own sanity, I'm relieved I don't have to deal with that.

I feel "Mommy Guilt" for being thinner than my daughter. I used to weigh 160 lbs more than she did...now, I'm 20 lbs lighter. I worry that may be contributing to the issues surrounding us at the moment.

My father was the same way and still is. He's the source of most of my sensitivities. At the wedding this weekend my young cousin who is overweight and was eating popcorn between the wedding and reception my dad made a comment to him about how we were going to have dinner at the reception and he should save his appetite. His parents were right there. I was having a million flashbacks to when he would make comments about me having eaten too much - when I was a teen and actually not that heavy, which I can see now that I look back. I was my original goal weight FFS.

I hear the things he says to my overweight nephew and it kills me. I say something when I'm there but I'm not there much. It has to hurt Wyatt.

And you are doing what you need to do to be healthy, I understand your worry about that contributing to things but while that may be hard for your daughter...at the same time your health is important. Relationships are so freaking hard. (Hugs)

It makes sense and I understand. Relationships are complicated. I'm never going to be a mother so I can't get where she's coming from but I do get it a little. And I'm a super sensitive person and overthink things. Which is why I tend to want to not say something because I know I'm so sensitive and I have a hard time gauging if it's an actual thing to say something about it if it's just me being sensitive you know?