When friends and family try to change your mind about surgery

A few years ago I could have been your Mom. The only difference is I never gave negative comments to anyone about WLS, but I sure thought them in my head. I too have lost huge amounts of weight over the decades. The most recent was 11 years ago and I lost over 200 lbs. only to proceed to gain most of it back in the course of the next 10 years. In the past I thought I would never undergo something as drastic as weight loss surgery, but at 5'2" and 290 lbs. I had tried everything in the book. I went to the orientation class, spoke with several people who had been successful, did research and decided to give it a shot. Now at 58 years old, almost 1-year post-op I feel it was the best decision and the only regret is that I didn't do it much sooner. But then again, my head wasn't ready for it much sooner. I didn't share my story with a lot of folks, but for the most part, the ones I did were supportive because they knew my battle. My DH has always been and still is my biggest supporter.

I was 2 years post op when you joined. I remember being so impressed with your focus and losing so much weight pre op.

You have done a great job and are a credit to what can be achieved by doing wls the correct way!

No one tried to change my mind, but my mother's husband told my husband he should stop me because I would just gain all my weight back. Darling Husband didn't tell me that until after I had surgery, or I would have pinned my mother's husband's ears back for it.

When I decided to pursue surgery, I knew if I did not make drastic changes obesity would kill me. I was pushing 40 and had all kinds of comorbidities. The time of being in my early 20s and dropping 30 pounds and keeping it off for a year or so were long gone. I looked at surgery as the last chance to get a handle on my health.

I love your handle Oxford Comma Hag!
I teach English Comp and Technical Writing.
I insist on the Oxford Comma. Ha!

Off topic, but YAY, I'm in the company of like-minded people!! The Oxford Comma is one of my soapbox issues. I'll go to the mat over it. I have actually had profs who have counted off for it because it's not in the style guide anymore (APA for my current discipline). I had an A, but still showed them where it was optional and demanded my point back, dammit! I can tolerate my husband being on the opposite end of the political spectrum, but he'd have his walking papers if he dissed the Oxford Comma! ;)

Nikke, thanks for sharing, and congrats on sticking to your decision and your journey. It is scary. It is not a decision any of us make lightly. I had a band years ago, and many people knew, so of course, when I failed to become "thin" and the band eventually failed, they all got to say "I told you so." I had a revision to bypass about six weeks ago. The only people who know are my husband and a couple of friends who have also done the bypass. I'm not telling anyone else. Ever. None of their business. I am happy for you that you got a handle on this at such a young age.

P.S. I am also looking forward to the day in the future when I sit on a sunny beach and reflect back to the beginning of my journey. You inspire me. Thanks!

The pre-op part seems to take forever... but once you have surgery, it certainly seems like time goes by quickly. I'm glad that surgery doesn't consume so much of my life anymore, but I do miss the days of quick losses on the scale though! :)

Hang in there!

I realized after having surgery that I my reluctance in telling people about my decision to have WLS mostly had to do with me being concerned that people would try to talk me out of it. I think my first post on OH was to ask about who to tell about having surgery.

Those that I did tell were all very supportive. I think that's what I needed at the time. Now that I've been through it, I'm pretty open about sharing my experience. Nothing for them to talk me out of at this point! I see the judgment passing from some people when I tell them, makes me glad I didn't say something to them sooner - doesn't really matter to me, but it tells me something about them as person.

My husband was hesitant at first, asking me if there wasn't another way I could lose weight. I judiciously pointed out that he's seen me try the other ways and I wasn't doing so well at them. He went with me to the second orientation I had to attend and to the surgical consult and then he was fully onboard.

My mom was the one I was worried about telling and I didn't tell my parents until I'd already passed all of the requirements for the surgery. Her sister had gastric bypass ... go****'s' got to be 20 years ago now and she was very disparaging of it at the time. My aunt has managed to do pretty well and while she's not a skinny minnie, she's definitely in a better place than she was pre-surgery. Anyway, Mom surprised the heck out of me by being really supportive. She confessed that she'd been worried about my health for a while. She stayed with us for the first week after surgery which I will always treasure because my surgery was on Oct 7 and she passed away on Dec 12 after her kidneys gave up the ghost from poorly-controlled diabetes.

At work, I just said I needed time off for surgery, but I told my close co-worker what I was doing and close friends as well. I got a bunch of "Are you sure?" and of course the stories of friends of friends that had failed or died, but I don't think anyone outright tried to talk me out of it.

Now, I'll tell anyone who asks exactly what I did and how much weight I've lost. I've had my husband's cousin ask me about WLS, but I don't think she's pursued it any further. She was kind of throwing up some red flags in our conversation and I advised her to do a lot of research. I imagine my sister-in-law maybe gives me some side eye on occasion, but I don't really care. She's had T2 for years and does a horrible job of managing her health and I've watched her flit from fad to fad over the last 20 years.

I feel like I've been extremely lucky in that it's been nearly four years and I have yet to have someone say I took the easy way out to my face. And if they did, I'd probably agree! :D

Jen