When friends and family try to change your mind about surgery

Last week, I was on a family vacation with a dozen people - one being my Mom. During this week, I also realized it was my four year anniversary of having surgery. I was at the beach and spent a lot of time relaxing/reflecting and it got me thinking about what it was like to go through the six month supervised diet and have surgery years ago.

To rewind a bit, in November 2012 my father-in-law (at the time) passed away from cancer. I was topping out at about 450 lbs and felt miserable day in and day out - and I was only 27 years old! His death scared me into seeking help. When I had my first appointment at the weight management clinic, I started the process not convinced I would go through with surgery. I felt hopeless. I didn't know anybody who had lost as much weight as I needed to, let alone kept it off. And, I didn't know anybody in real life that had any type of weight loss surgery.

But, I started the process, was having some success, and found this site. It wasn't until I read the stories and saw before/after photos of the users here that I made up my mind. I wanted to give myself the best chance I could to lose all the weight and keep it off for the long term. I wanted a long and healthy life!

I told very few people I was having surgery. I just didn't want to discuss it because I didn't want distractions from the laser focus I had during the six month prep phase. I remember when I told my Mom my plans. She was in the midst of yet another bout of weight loss and having a lot of success seeing her nutritionist. She was the first "nay sayer" I experienced who tried to talk me out of weight loss surgery. She said, "All you have to do is talk to a nutritionist - look at me! I'm learning so much. You don't need surgery to do it. You shouldn't do it, etc."

My decision didn't waiver. After all, the crash dieting and body image issues pretty much came from my Mom growing up. At the time, I remember thinking "Woman... I have seen you lose/gain 60-80 lbs multiple times in my life! You always do this. You may do it again! I love you, but I don't want to be you..." I'm glad, of course, I didn't say these things to her; however, I certainly thought them.

Fast forward to now. There hasn't been a single day that has gone by where I have regretted my decision to have this surgery. And, my Mom did, in fact, gain the weight back and at 53 years old is at the heaviest she has ever been in her life. She is probably 5'5" and 300 lbs. She has difficulty doing pretty much everything. If she actually saw the doctor, she probably would find herself on the verge of a few comorbidities as well. It's heartbreaking to see.

So, the point of this big long post? Not to help you get back to sleep... but really just to share my thoughts and story on this particular topic. And, express my happiness for not having changed my mind. Have you had friends, family, or acquaintances try to talk you out of surgery? Are you pre-op and battling this now? How did you handle it?

I never think I'm old until one of you talk about your parent and mention their age and I'm 2 years OLDER!!!!!

Inspiring post, Nikke. I never gave anyone permission to nay say me and my family know better.

I did hear that my older sister, who was 100lbs bigger than my pre surgery weight, said she'd never do it. She was on the table 8 years later ...

She was a teen mother, does that help!?!?

Your second paragraph.... got me thinking. That's a reason I didn't tell many people about surgery. Back then, I would have been giving people permission to nay say me. That's not really something I realized until now. What a wonderful thing therapy is.... I'm certainly not the same person that started this process. Things would be a lot different now, for sure.

Your sister is lucky to have your tough love and wisdom when going through the process. I hope she's making the most of the opportunity!

It soothes a bit lol ...

I had a year's therapy after my divorce and it was truly a gift. I know people think we throw that out too much on here, but I'm not sure I've come across anyone who doesn't think it helps.

My sister is doing great. Very different program in the UK, but it's working ok for her so far.

Lol...yep

Since having the surgery 3 months ago, my brother, his girlfriend and some of my friends are all considering having it done as well. I thankfully didn't have anyone in my life who was against me having surgery, although my mom did tell me she wished I didn't have to go through with it, but she knew I needed to have it to have a better quality life.

Love to you Nikke -- I am so glad that you were so strong to go after your health!!

My mom sounds so much like yours -- and it's painful to watch someone suffer the effects of the disease of obesity, especially when we love them.

To answer your question posed, I have always believed that I am the expert of my own body and health -- so I simply do not allow anyone to give unsolicited opinions or advice about it. After I had researched and made up my mind, I simply either didn't tell anyone I didn't want to hear from --- or I told them flatly that it wasn't up for debate. End of story.

I feel so lucky that not one friend or family member thought WLS was a bad idea or tried to talk me out of it. They were supportive, enthusiastic, and so happy I was doing something to help tackle my weight once and for all. I wonder if it helps that I'm the only one with the weight problem? They're all active and normal weights, so I think they want that for me too.

I too am the only one in my family who is heavy. My tall, slim brother tried to talk me out of surgery initially as he felt I could be successful without it, but he has accepted my decision and now is supportive. The rest of my family is very supportive as well. I have only told one friend about my upcoming surgery though, and doubt I will ever discuss it with other friends. I have lived all over the country, and most of my old friends have never seen me obese, so I figure why go there? I would tell a friend if I saw them struggling with obesity, though.

I only told my real friends that loved me, and they were all super supportive. Which was a surprise and a relief. Losing weight and changing my life has been a massive process of separating the wheat from the chaff for me.

I have learned by peoples comments and actions *****ally love me, and overwhelming I feel a lot of love from my friends and acquaintances about losing weight, even if they clueless about the aftermath.

Also the fact that no one tried to talk me out of it, also let me know I was really in trouble and people were relieved I was really getting help.