I don't know how to be skinny

I'm sorry your friend has distanced herself. I went through a "party" stage in my twenties and it was fun. I wasn't unsafe, and I look back on that time fondly. It was part of my development.

I agree with the above advice; finding a good therapist is so important. Self confidence isn't dependent on your size and it is something that can be developed. Losing weight will not change the essence of who you are, but it may allow you to express yourself in ways you never thought possible. That can be exhilarating, but scary, especially if you're unsure of yourself. I've found that speaking to a therapist has given me perspectives I had closed myself to and helped me find hope and security.

As for how people (men especially) will react to your new look.....this will likely change, but not necessarily only as a result of weight loss. How you respond to attention is up to you. Most guys are not ill intentioned, but I wonder why that is your fear? Again, I think this is something to talk to a therapist about. Learning what healthy attention looks like and how to respond to inappropriate attention could give you confidence. And confidence tends to deter the jerks....

Are you seeing a therapist? I know I did both pre-op and post-op, and it helped enormously. When I had my surgery I expected my life to dramatically change. Guess what? It really didn't. I'm still the same person I was before, just thinner and healthier. My friends that knew me before surgery say I'm happier, which I guess I am.

Honestly I never cared what other people thought of me (either fat or thin). Don't try to anticipate what might or might not happen post-op. Just simply focus on you and your weight loss. That's your first priority. Also suggest finding a good therapist if you don't already have one.

I really understand this feeling of not knowing how to be thin, and worried about changing. I think that since WLS, I am my same at my core, but I think we are always changing, throughout our lives. Big events of any kind tend to affect us. WLS is like that too.

Remember: You can choose how you change. It will not just happen to you. Choose who you want to be, choose your behavior. Imagine your best self--not so much physically, but your best self internally, and I believe your intentions will guide your behavior with strength.

I agree that we don't know exactly how we will change, and our intentions run into powerful feelings as we see ourselves in the mirror, and as others respond to us. As for me, I think that for the most part, I am much the same person, except for two things:

1. I am more self confident. I speak up for myself more in my marriage and with other people.

2. I get angry more often. This is related to the confidence. Instead of directing my anger inward, toward myself, I feel better about myself and feel like I should be taken seriously. So when people disrespect me, I call them out on it--or if it doesn't make sense to call them out, I just allow myself to feel my own anger instead of suppressing it, or I express my frustration to a friend or my husband.

I do have to watch how much I express frustration of any kind to my husband, because he kind of absorbs it even when it is just me expressing frustration about other people, and then he gets agitated toward me. This is a complex dance--he is used to me being more docile and fitting a "perfect" mold, and because of his very troubled childhood, when I am real, it kind of distresses him.

I have been married for 25 years, and I have never been hit on--not when young before I was MO, nor when obese, nor after. It might be where I live and hang out--it might be my face and how I dress--although I think I am pretty, and I strive to dress attractively, I have more of a "best friend's little sister" vibe than a sexy vibe, I think. And, I am now over 50--do men hit on women over 50? Especially women over 50 who project the "sister" vibe? Good grief--I sound so sweet and naive! I probably just project that all over the place--"I am sweet and naive! If you hit on me, I wouldn't even know what that was!" I do think men smile at me more easily than before.

Thank you everyone, I do have a therapist I've had one for years.. I have other things going on besides being morbidly obese. I just felt like this was something I needed to get off my chest. I should've probably explained the situation a bit better, I've been in a few serious relationships but the last one was really bad. I don't want a relationship anytime soon and I don't want to have to deal with men. I have a hard time seeing the faults in people I care about until things really get bad so I'd rather just not do it. I'm really excited to get the surgery. I can't wait until I don't have the worries of being so heavy that average people don't have to think about. Fitting in booths, uncomfortable movie theater chairs, rides at the amusement park. I'm excited to go out and try new things. I'm not a people person by any means but I have siblings who are of average weight maybe a little chunky who will do things with me. I think with my friend it just hurt because we were so close and even after her surgery until she got close to her goal weight and decided whatever.. maybe when I get thinner we can go do healthy fun things together. Thank you again everyone I really appreciate you all taking the time to read and comment back ?

This time before the actual surgery can be a really intense time because you're so excited and scared at the same time. I can relate to almost everything you said, so I truly hope I didn't come off too strong.

You're going to do great--so many wonderful things about to happen!

Thank you, no you didn't come off too strong. I prefer people to tell me the truth and be straightforward. I am really excited and somewhat nervous, but I know I'm not going to back out. I'm ready for this change in my life.

I was 22 when I had surgery, and if its any idea about my life... I was 75lbs at 5 years old, I was 402lbs at my heaviest and 390 surgery day. So I know fat most of my life. Im almost 12 years post op now

Honestly what having surgery did for me on an attention aspect I love. I went from being the litteral elephant in the room to blending in and not getting the unwanted attention. Yes I do get hit on more but nothing that cant be dealt with. Your friend "playing the field" is her choice, WLS has nothing to do with that. The lost weight is what has made it easier for her to do and a larger pool to dip in. Its ultimately her choice or possible transfer addiction but that is more something for therapy.

But you sound like you have a solid mind, not big into drinking or bars. Just remember surgery alters your stomach not your mind. Stay humble and you should be fine. You will gain a new confidence in yourself but it doesnt mean you have to turn into a wild child. :)

Thank you & congratulations on your long term success ! I'm 25 now and I'm ready for the change. Anything that comes with it I feel like I can handle especially because I have the support of my family. I think I've been to the bar once and that was with my ex and I didn't even finish my one drink lol. Both my parents struggled with addiction my mom quit everything before I was born but my dad just stopped drinking 4 years ago, I think that's a big part of why I don't even bother with it & I prefer to be in complete control of myself. I don't really want the extra attention, I know how to dismiss it. I just want to focus on myself and be the best me that I can be

Thank you and LOL. I could have said your statement "I prefer to be in complete control of myself". I am very much like that, ok completely like that. I dont like not knowing or understanding things especially on the health side of things.

I dont think you will have much in issue. I really didnt care about the extra attention that would come. I just wanted a happy and healthier me.

Yes, that is exactly how I am. I've read so many articles watched videos even followed a bunch of people on their journeys. I waited until I was sure I was ready to make the change for the rest of my life. I'm sure a lot of people rush into this for a quick fix but I don't want to gain weight back. I know that I'm doing this for me, so I can be healthy, happy and live a long life. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate it