Helping our teens with weight challenges?

Hi! I would love to hear thoughts on how to help our teens with weight challenges.

My almost-13 son has had weight challenges since he was about 5. He has some other physical challenges that may have affected this: chronic colitis (and a slew of meds that have probably altered his GI flora), congenital knee problems.

He wants to lose weight. However, he really eats a lot. He is quite a grazer. I do not want to exacerbate eating issues. Yet I do want to help him.

Exercise is challenging for him because of the congenital knee issues and surgeries (3 surgeries so far, and at least 2 more). He takes a swim class 2x/week.

Have any of you successfully helped your teens with weight issues?

xoxo

I feel for you and understand completely. My oldest is 17 and has a weight problem. He put on weight the year I split up with his dad, when he was 5, and has been overweight ever since. In the past, I was in position to say anything to him about his weight, since mine was so out of control. Now that I've lost weight via surgery, I am struggling with how to approach his weight with him. I think the difference for me is that my son is older and will be 18 this summer. I did worry when he was younger about putting pressure on him about his weight, I just didn't want to make him feel bad about himself or about his weight. I think now I can talk to him about it on a more adult level.

I feel guilty for the way I raised him, and I know that a lot of his weight issues are my fault, in a way. I'll be interested to see what everyone else has to say, since I struggle with this and have my youngest who is 3 years old at home. He doesn't have a weight problem, thus far, but he does have a sweet tooth and we struggle to get him to eat a healthy diet when all he wants is candy and junk.

I hate that my mom feels guilty for my weight issues as well. I can tell you, as a 40 year old adult, there was nothing that she could have done and I do not feel that she bears any burden of responsibility.

My logical mind and my emotions are not always in agreement. Now that he's older, I know that he is aware of his relationship with food and has to make his own decisions. BUT, as a child, I gave him food and allowed him to eat in a way that he shouldn't have and it's caused him to be overweight. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around flagellating myself for his weight and my parenting choices. I do feel that I'm partially responsible because I never taught him proper nutrition and my issues with food most definitely rubbed off on him. I am sure he doesn't blame me, but that doesn't mean that I can't carry a little bit of guilt for how he was raised.

I hope that one day I can stop feeling guilty about everything, it's a struggle and I'm working on it.

I'm glad you're not beating yourself up about it.

I think the "allow him to eat as he shouldn't" is one of the challenges! I have tried to "help" my son by pointing out when he should not be eating something, but I have come to think that through doing this, food becomes a control issue, and I may be creating more problems than I am helping.

I think my own parents were not really controlling with me, although I knew that certain sneaky eating was not what I should do. I was an eating sneaker even at a young age. So "allow" is possibly us taking on more responsibility than we should? I don't know. Each child is so different, with different emotions and physical cravings.

So true. My food issues kept me from setting a good example. I think now, that I've been through this all, I realize that setting a good example is probably the only and best way we can help our children be healthy.

But I really think that the word I should have used is condone, or maybe enable, instead of allow...

I get that. Still, I wonder if it is much the same thing. For example, my son heads to the cupboard for a third snack. If I say something, I am doing a power/control thing. If I don't do something, am I allowing? Am I condoning? Am I enabling? Just having the food available is a kind of enabling, I guess. So do I lock it up? That seems like control.

No matter what words we use, it is hard, hard hard!

xoxo

This is very sweet of you to post this about your mother.

Thank you for posting this. I actually feel worse about my eating than I do about being an alcoholic.

I know crazy.

It seriously breaks my heart that my mom feels responsible for my weight getting to the point it got to. The only person responsible for my bad choices is me. (And, perhaps, the obesogenic society we live in, but really me.) While she's been completely supportive of my WLS and my upcoming reconstructive surgeries, there are still times she'll cry because she thinks it's her fault.

In truth, once I was able to allow myself to pay attention to the good behavior she was modeling for me, she was really instrumental in all the good choices I've made in the last three years. :)

(And I tell her this, so she knows. Because she SHOULD know how amazing she is.)