Blogging has shown me new insight

I started a blog while I was on medical leave and I updated last night. I ended up writing something that never really occurred to me until I put it on paper (or computer screen). Here's a snippet of my post:

It's weird things like being able to leave a store without a treat that have shocked me the most since having surgery. A few years ago I lived to eat and I now truly feel that I now only eat to live. I don't really find pleasure in food anymore, but when I would find pleasure in food before, there was a strong emotion I was trying to bury. I used to binge on bags of chips, eating a whole bag in one sitting and finding myself with an upset stomach and anger at my inability to stop. When I tell people I don?t find pleasure in food anymore, I'm really saying I never found pleasure in food but only used it as a poor coping method for something deeper. Not having food be the focus of my life allows me to focus on things that are important to me, like writing. For the last two weeks I have been writing every night and that isn't something I have been able to do for several years. I'd rather have my writing than a bag of chips and that's one of the biggest changes I've seen in myself.

Anyone else feel they are able to focus on things that are important to them because food isn't always something they think about?

Thank you for sharing such an important NSV, I am so glad you have found pleasure in writing and have gained focus! I love what you said about not finding pleasure in food then versus now. I have always loved nature, but the difference now is that I am no longer enjoying it from a window or moving car. My focus has switched to actually experiencing nature. The sounds, smells and the awesome sight of it. I no longer drive through it and say "this is so pretty, how long until we get to the restaurant or where is Starbucks, what's for dinner?" I get out and experience the moment, hike in it and take it all in.

Hm. I've always found pleasure in food and still do. I love good food. I love the way it tastes.

For the first year post-op, I definitely didn't take pleasure in overeating food - I was able to find pleasure in a few perfect bites. That was awesome. I also felt that I was able to focus on things aside from food.

And then came my dad's metastasis to the brain, more cancer battle, and subsequent death, and my Binge Eating Disorder came back in full force.

But now I'm medicated and my BED is under control and, yet again, I can live my life without being obsessed with food and without the constant compulsion to put food into my mouth.