I feel like giving up

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this with no hope or nothing to to look forward to. I'd love more than anything to have weight loss surgery, but am unable to right now because of no insurance coverage and money.

i feel like life is passing me by. I am unable to do things that a normal 34 year old should be able to do. It's a struggle to even go shopping because my lower back becomes excruciatingly painful after walking or standing for more than 5 minutes. I get extremely sweaty and am huffing and puffing like I had just run a marathon. When friends/family ask me to go out and do things with them I constantly turn them down. Not because I don't want to, but because I know I'm not physically able to. I know the outcome every time. I rely on others now to do simple things like grocery shopping for me. When going to the mall with family I stay in the car or if I do go in I find the nearest seat and park it until we leave. Most of the time I just don't go because what's the point? Going to a restaurant is a struggle. Not being able to fit in a booth seat is embarrassing. Or worrying if a chair is sturdy enough to hold me. I couldn't even enjoy going to the fair last year with my little 6 and 10 year old cousins for feeling as if I were going to die from the pain. I was so out of breath I couldn't even talk and I looked as if I had just walked out of the shower because of the sweat. Having them constantly ask me if I were ok was humiliating. It's a struggle getting out of bed each morning. It breaks my heart that I can no longer do things I once loved. Going to amusement parks, horseback riding, taking a stroll on the beach or in a park, going on trips, shopping etc. I can't even wear makeup anymore because I will instantly sweat it off. I hate the way clothes fit and look on me. I've become a recluse in my house.

I don't even date anymore because not only do I not want to be seen like this, but I'm afraid of not being physically able to again...fit at the table in restaurants, not being able to take a nice leisurely stroll because I literally can't walk much less stand for 5 minutes etc. I'd love more than anything to be married and have children someday, but now I just don't think that's in the cards for me. I constantly wonder how much longer I have before my body just gives out. I know it's just a matter of time before I get diabetes. My mother and all three of her sisters have it so not only does it run in the family, but by me being morbidly obese it just doubles my chances. This weight is affecting every aspect of my life. I'd give anything to be younger when I didn't have all this weight on me...to be able to do simple things like walk to the mailbox without gasping for air. I did not know how good I had it. Is this all there is to life now? Is this what my life has become? I am slowly learning to accept that this is the way things are and will forever be until I eventually die.

Anyway, I'm just venting. At a low point right now.

Well you have come to the right place to vent. A lot of us were at that low point.

When you are here you are not alone.

I wish I could help more with how to go about getting the surgery.

Hi Madison:

Even if your insurance doesn't cover the surgery, you can still make progress in losing weight. Get your head on straight, focus on a goal, set yourself up for success, and then do it. Walk around your home every 15 mins, drink plenty of water, get rid of all the carbs and processed crap in your kitchen, leave positive notes for yourself on your mirror/fridge/nightstand etc, and get everyone on board with you. Get your friends involved even if it's just to walk down the street 2x a week. You need support - here and at home.

Once you get going and start losing, you'll begin to believe in yourself and what you can accomplish. Don't get caught up in the future or the past - do things today to change your life.

YOU can do this!

-Jan

You could try contacting the Weight Loss Surgery Foundation of America at www.wlsfa.org. They offer grants to people who need surgery but cannot afford it.

Thanks, I have been researching grants and checked out that site. From what I read and understood you have to be referred by a surgeon to be considered. I called today to schedule an appointment with one of the surgeons in my area. Apparently there is a whole application process you have to go through before you can even be scheduled for a consultation appointment. So they are going to mail me the application and information packet. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can at least get the ball rolling in the right direction.

Start researching WLS grants online. They are out there.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Thankfully, there are things you can do while working to find a job that will give you insurance to cover WLS.

Have you looked into using something like Care Credit for financing? Do you have any family, like your mom or her sisters who would be willing to lend you the money?

Are you able to see a therapist? Even if you do have WLS in the future, seeing a therapist will help you achieve success and could definitely help you out now with the funk you're in.

You can still work on losing weight now - start tracking everything you put in your mouth with something like MyFitnessPal. This will help you be more aware of what you're consuming and get you on the right path to changing your habits.

And even though it's uncomfortable, try to start working on walking more. You say 5 minutes is your limit now? Try to do that a few times a day, every day. After a week, try to up it to 6 minutes a few times a day, every day. And so on and so forth.

You can do this.

Thanks! I have not looked into that, but will definitely check it out! My mom probably wouldn't help me with the cost right now as she is still kind of against the idea of surgery.I will look into MyFitnessPal as well. I'm trying to make better food choices as well as cutting out snacking at night and drinking more water. There is a water aerobics class starting this summer at my neighborhood community pool that I'm thinking about joining. I figure that might make it easier on my back when trying to exercise. I went to my pcp today as I've been trying to get over bronchitis for the past week or so. The nurse was so thrilled to announce I'd lost 4 pounds. I was thinking to myself that 4 pounds is nothing when you're well over 300 pounds. If only I could lose several hundred more. My blood pressure had also come down which is good I guess. Bad news is I might be referred to a pulmonologist if my breathing doesn't get any better with the inhalers they have me on. Doctor thinks I may have a touch of asthma. ?

Anyway, thank you for the info and advice! And as for the therapist, I've been wanting to see one for awhile now as I feel it would be beneficial. I need to just break down and schedule an appointment already.

I'm glad you're seeing other doctors and getting your health stuff sorted out. That's hard - especially when we're obese. You should be proud of yourself for taking care of your health! And 4 pounds IS something to be happy about because the only way you'll lose "several hundred more" is 4 pounds at a time. Every 4 pounds gets you closer to your final goal, whatever that may be. :)

For finding a therapist - just remember that it might take time. You might not click with the first one you meet and that's OKAY. Therapists expect that, you won't offend them by saying "hey, you're not my type." Finding a therapist is sort of like finding a relationship partner, actually :P Sometimes people luck out and find out that clicks on the first try, but often people don't. So be prepared to have to check out a few.

I'm sorry you feel so hopeless. I wish you could pick one thing- anything that is an investment in you and your confidence that you can latch on to to get started. Maybe it's something as simple as jewelry that makes you feel special or put together.

WLS will not magically make your life better. You do that, and have the power to do that now. Whether it a physical exercise, nutrition Or appearance, you have to start somewhere. It's overwhelming- but this is a gray community to bounce questions and experiences off of.