Ladies-Do you feel less safe?

Didn't give it a thought.... Since riding my bike I always seem to be taking a drink as I pass someone, in case I need to swing something at their head. If I were a runner this would be my bling of choice. Otherwise, nah......

Love the bling!!

First of all, congrats on being so close to goal weight. I was always thin (think size 4) in my teenage and young adult years. Now I currently weigh 416 and am going through the process to get WLS. I can't speak for how it feels to lose weight and feel more vulnerable, but I can tell you the reverse, I have felt much safer since I gained all of this weight because it is a fact that heavy people are difficult to kidnap so would be rapists and killers would most likely move along to a thinner target. This is fact, not just my theory, something I have learned due to my interest in the psychology of rapists and serial killers. I can't presently site a resource but I promise it is true. I even feel safer having to walk across the street as a pedestrian where there are no crosswalks (not in major cities though) because I know people can see me because there is more of me to see. That being said, I wouldn't be giving a fair assessment if I didn't also say that I was brought up in the suburbs and wasn't even allowed to walk around the block by myself until I got married just before my 18th birthday. My mom would even call me on my cell and say for instance if I was at Walmart by myself and it was midnight that I shouldn't be out by myself that late. Honestly though, I think I would have felt more vulnerable about certain situations anyway workout my mother's overprotective nature. Don't let anyone shame you about this. It is a logical feeling. I wouldn't let it overtake you and I wouldn't let anyone shame me about it. Again, congratulations on your progress, I am very happy for you.

Interesting question. I like it.

I've grappled with this off and on through the years, and what I've come up with in the end is... I can run much faster now, get out of perilous situations better now. When I got to my heaviest weight, I was always worried if someone tried to attack me or in a case of emergency, I couldn't run down the block or jump the fence if my life depended on it. As far as men, I do have my guard up more when alone but am not paranoid at all since I think I've always been a careful person by nature.

Overall though, I feel much safer due to being more physically fit.

I get the feeling of using fat as a shield. I've felt this way at my heaviest, & felt a little more vulnerable as the weight came off.

I think working on the feelings of vulnerability with a therapist might help you become more confident when around men that you don't know.

Protecting yourself when walking around at night is a nice idea, but don't let it lull you into a fake sense of security. Brush up on your street smarts or learn some from others. Be cautious & aware of your surroundings.

I'm not gonna tell you to avoid going out at night by yourself or disguise yourself or anything like that, but be aware of where you are. Taking some of those self defense classes that cops give women, or something similar given by someone else would be helpful also.

I, too, became obese and developed an eating disorder as a response to trauma. In fact, most eating disorders do this. When we lose control to violations (particularly sexual or physical, but also emotional) we regain control by developing the disorder to survive, basically. This is a gross simplification, of course, however eating disorders, and actually personality disorders, emerge so we can survive and get through the pain and agony of losing ourselves to violence.

I was not a big believer in rape culture when younger. I was raised in a very conservative household. Both life and education opened up my eyes, believe you me! We absolutely have a culture that promotes rape and skewed ideas of healthy attitudes towards women. Both my research and my counseling work proved me wrong. I am very ashamed of how I used to look at domestic violence, and very grateful I finally got a clue.

And, yes, men get sexually assaulted. Quite frequently, actually. Rape is a tool of power, not of sex, and it is power over another that gives the individual a thrill. Men are also treated poorly in the criminal justice system. However, women are treated absolutely abysmally by and large when we are sexually assaulted. It is a horrifying disparity of injustice at best. Any rape is treated poorly, because rape is often seen (puts on adjunct Sociologist hat) as a sign of poor choices, weakness, or a character flaw. It is NOT related to any of these things, any more than getting cancer, getting mugged, getting a flat tire, or being hit my a drunk driver are a sign of poor choices, weakness, or a character flaw. Rape is the deliberate decision of one person to violate and subjugate another human being against their will. Period. There are no ways to reduce the frequency of rape, other than to get perpetrators to stop raping.

I think RoseAndRiver, that you are quite introspective. There may be other currents below the surface, as you already implied. We have our issues from being obese, but we also have our issues because the society we live in is not healthy towards women all the time, either. Many layers, indeed.

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