Ladies-Do you feel less safe?

Thanks for your note! I am still here.....I agree that people can take the written word and twist it around. I am a very straight forward no nonsense type person but I think her response was beyond harsh in my opinion.

I left one site after being very active for more than 2 years because the owner did not like people speaking their mind and simply removed them permanently. This person also removed any messages that supported these folks....since then that site has become a bunch of newbies that have not had much if any experience and they are guiding even newer folks. It is scary for the people following them. It is also sad because I enjoyed my time on that site and made many new friends.

Many of us joined this site but I will be honest, I just have not had very good experiences with some folks on this site.

I guess time will tell and in the meantime I will jump on when I feel inclined.

Trauma is one of my specialties, and it's hard to wrap the mind around, but statistically, well over 90% of women who are raped or sexually assaulted are by someone they know. Very few sexual assaults occur by perpetrators who do not know the victim. It's something that is unknown to many people. The same is true for murder, actually. These are statistics we do not talk about because they are terrifying.

As an example, in my work with DV victims, out of the past fifty or so clients I had, none of their assaults had been committed by a stranger. Almost all were raped by spouses or acquaintances.

It is absolutely good to avoid risky situations, and it is also absolutely good to be sensible. However, it's also worth noting that we walk around expecting to get raped, whereas men do not. 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 women are victims of sexual assault, and they are not all unknown assailants. Sadly, not by a long shot.

I know where your coming from. Since I run, often early in the morning before the world wakes up- I'm especially cautious. I will always change my route to make sure I have no lurkers studying my pattern.

I'm not too concerned about one on one situations with men-- I still consider myself strong and do think I can hold my own if I needed to.

Honestly, no, I don't feel this way. I know that abuse and violence toward women is much more about the attacker's need for control and not about the victim's weight or body. So it never crossed my mind to be fearful, or not, due to my weight.

That being said, I am a runner now and was not before and I am careful to ensure that I'm safe while I run. At one point I went so far as to study Aikido so I would have some self-defense skills, but I kept injuring myself, so no Aikido for me :P I have, however, taken some self-defense workshops and classes.

Perhaps self-defense classes would help ease your feelings of vulnerability?

I get this. You may want to see a therapist about it. Is there something that is triggering it. Especially being skiddish around aquaintences. Why would that be?

Being aware of surroundings especially at night is common sense. I have been stalked before (a few times) so I am generally hyper aware. Not just at night. In my 20's I was followed for 5 blocks by a van on a busy street in downtown D.C. at lunch time. I stuck to the inside of the sidewalk and when I saw he hadn't given up I ducked into a store to get away.

I live in a big city now and am still out and about all the time. Having said that I did feel less safe when a man body checked me while walking down the street holding my 8 year old son's hand. He knocked me back a couple of feet. When I was 260, it would have been an impact, but not as much. That was a wakeup call to me on how vulnerable I really am.

Ive still been out to dinner since though. I know mentally and emotionally it was a fluke.

You're talking about separate issues. "Desirability" is one and feeling less physically safe after dark is quite another. The latter is about violence. Weight is not necessarily a deterrent in either case.

If you're fearful of intimacy, whether emotional, sexual or both, and also wish for it, consider therapy. You're not the only woman who's expressed what you're feeling and thinking. If it's about you in your own eyes alone, which is more important, therapy can be a boon.

I meant desirable to a predator since I was heavy an not an easy target. Not sexually or romantically.

In theory, wouldn't you have been more desirable to a predator when you were heavy and therefore an easier target? Less likely/able to put up a fight?

In theory, yes. But I used my weight as a shield. It made me feel like I was harder to hurt.since I was Bigger I felt less exposed.I'm not saying this makes sense, just how I felt.

Are you talking about these feelings with a therapist?