Ladies-Do you feel less safe?

Hello- I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I had my RNY over a year ago and I'm 20 till goal (yay!!)

since my weight loss, I've noticed that I'm more concerned for my safety (particularly around men that I don't know well.) This is pretty new and strange emotion.

If I'm honest, when I was over 300lbs I wore my weight as a shield. I figured I would be hard to abduct and I'm not desirable so I'm safe. Because of this I was more willing than others to put myself in potentially risky situations. I'm not saying this is sound logic- just how I felt. Now that I'm thinner I find that I'm much more skiddish around men that I know casually and I'm much less likely to be in vulnerable situations. For example, I feel exposed when walking after sun set.

did any of you also have this experience as you shrunk?

(Also, I'm not cowaring in fear, but just much more cautious)

I can't help you with this one, I have always avoided "potentially risky situations" because...well...they're risky. Basic safety precautions should be the same no matter what size you are--don't walk alone in sketchy areas, don't walk alone after sunset anywhere, always be aware of your surroundings. Don't put yourself in risky situations, period.

I must be the poster child of risk then. I live in a major city- sketchy is any street on any given day.

And I'd feel crippled if I waited for someone to be with me to go places before or after sunset.

This is straight up victim shaming. Cut it out.

Are you kidding me? It is absolutely NOT. It's my personal opinion advocating for personal safety. OP is the one who called her own actions risky. You call agreeing with her victim shaming? How about YOU cut it out?

I'm 57, have always been single, and have lived in the mean parts of St Louis as well as small towns. My safety rules have served me well so far. I'll continue to follow them. If you choose to call that victim shaming, so be it.

You do realize people are attacked in broad daylight in ' good' parts of town? Your response is similar to the murmuring after someone is raped. 'What was she doing there at that time?' implying that the person is at fault due to physical location.

It is never the victim's fault.

It does nothing of the sort. You can read into it and twist it however you like. There is nothing wrong with advising people to take the best precautions they can, rather than purposely engaging in "risky behavior" as the OP stated. I never once said anything about any actions being the victim's fault. I never said it was 100% fool-proof, did I? Nothing is, I'm not stupid. But I still say purposely putting yourself into situations that you yourself consider "risky" is foolhardy. Do not accuse me of victim blaming, I did nothing of the sort.

If you choose to go around assuming the worst and reading the worst into everything you see, that's your own issue.

I choose not to further engage with you on this subject, as you choose to make it about something it never was. I'm done. Good day.

I have not been on this site very long and honestly after your comments, I am not sure I will stay very long. I do not think that Cathy was shaming her at all, simply giving her opinion.

I happen to be someone who speaks their opinion. I have read many many posts from Cathy and she is one of the most polite people on this site.

Your comments actually really frustrate me. She did not say any of the words that you placed in this post. Why are you assuming that is what she meant.

sorry....just needed to say my peace on this one.

I could say a lot of things in reply to you, but I will simply say this: even people who know and like each other disagree. It has nothing to do with politeness. I read her statement in a much different way than you, and hey, it's okay. Not everyone agrees all the time, even those of us who have known each other here for years.

Please don't let something like this make you leave, Djmohr. The written word is always subject to misinterpretation due to the lack of vocal inflections and facial and body cues. It happens on boards like this...all a person can do is explain their position and move on.

I don't have any animosity towards CBH. Although I disagree with what she said, I will always defend her right to say it. We simply have to agree to disagree and move on.

I think sometimes people on this site can come across harsher than they intend...or maybe they intend to be that harsh, whatever, lol, but it's not my style, and I always hope I read it as harsher than it was meant.

I will continue to express my opinions--like them or leave them. I'm too old for anything to affect me for too long. Like water off a ducks back, I let it go and I'm off to the next thing. Life is too short to hold grudges