When Do You Know Its Finally What the Problem is?

Are you seeing a therapist?

Just reading your health history-you have and have had a lot going on Wendy. I myself was in a very bad abusive relationship for 14 years...physical and mentally. Sometimes the mental was worse than the physical. Therapists helped me, but...I have to say that the best help I have received is from support groups. There are alot of weight related support groups out there. I am also a Christian, so my Church Family is such a strong force in my life.

It might be time to seek another opinion from another Therapist, 15 years is a long time, new ears and ideas are never a bad thing.

You are probably right, people might not be happy 100% of the time, but to be unhappy in your relationship 90% of the time...well you need to be kind to yourself and either try to get that % down, or give yourself the gift of moving on...seeking a more balanced of happiness in your life.

I have no specific stories about such behavior, as related to weight, to share. I know at my highest weight I am a miserable person...not much makes me happy, and like you, I have tried spending, eating etc...but once the 'high' is gone, I have been miserable again. I think it might have to do with the anger I have had for and at myself for not taking better care of my body, and for allowing someone to abuse me.

I am also not post op, but I think our behavior when we are obese, all of us, can be somewhat similar.

I wish you the best...I know, most of us know, that this struggle is REAL...

I am so sorry you are in this position. I hope that you are able to get out of your situation and be free of the pain it is causing.

We can't diagnose OCD on the internet. It's unethical and irresponsible to apply diagnoses when I can't see someone face to face. Seek out a new therapist ASAP. Heck, if I don't make progress with someone in 6-12 months I refer out, and explain to the client why. There should absolutely be progress after 15 years with one counselor.

Get help for the abuse immediately. Call domestic violence shelters and hotlines and ask for assistance doing it.

As for the shopping, shopping can be a post-op transfer addiction. It likely is what you are using to ease the pain of the abuse. Get a new therapist ASAP, again, because you are clearly not getting better, and for whatever reason you need. It is no different than eating, self-harm, drug use, or alcohol. It fills the need for positive validation and care.

I have been physically and verbally abused by my husband. Every one tells a person to leave an abusive person. It's a little bit harder than just leaving. There can be emotional issues, financial issues, serious threats to your safety. Most women are murdered in domestic violence situations when they actually leave the abuser. I had to leave my home, take out a DVO and then change jobs, routines, churches, the kids school, and stay in another part of the state because my husband attempted to kill me. DVO's are only a piece of paper. You should contact some local domestic violence centers and see a different therapist. Start preparing an escape route. Get some money hidden away. Put copies of important papers in a bug-out (hidden) location. Most importantly, be kind and loving to yourself. One step at a time, you can change your life. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. YOU are worth it. Hugs and prayers for your situation.

Hi, after reading your input, I am going to go to a different program for domestic abuse next week. thanks so much again. I should have thought of that sooner. So glad I posted here. 2 heads are better than one..To heck with therapists..I should have better luck with those kind of programs...I have hope...I actually feel better and feel like going for a 3 mile walk today,( smiling) after reading your reply...Thanks so much for sharing with me. Have a great day...Wendy

Does this mean no one has any post op stories to share with me about their behavior changes after weight loss since everyone is just focusing on my abuse I am having..Didnt mean I wanted to focus on abuse only..I do appreciate the input about it..I have seen many different therapists, they are all the same...I once told her that my boyfriend body slammed me a few weeks ago,she just kind of said people that have anger issues have that kind of behavior. What kind of person body slams another person that has had open heart surgery. I was thinking she would have told me to get out of it too, but she didn't..Its all 'my' decision what to do.

SO, anyone have any stories to share with me? Please I would very much like to hear them..

I actually do shop a lot! I don't buy multiples of anything , however my shopping did accelerate when I lost weight .

I quit smoking in order to have wls. When I did I realized how much I used smoking as a crutch to not really deal with what was going on around me. When it was taken away from me, even after the cravings stopped I found myself eating to fill that gap. You could be doing the same thing with food.

I have had to change my habits to walking more instead of grabbing all of the food in sight.

What advice would you give to a friend who confided to you that her partner had body slammed her?

And, really, what kind of person body slams ANYONE, regardless of what surgeries they have/haven't had? Aside from in the context of wrestling?