Telling people about your decision for WLS...

I had a good well-meaning friend say to me two days before surgery that I should cancel because I'd lost 17 pounds in a month and a half of dieting on my own pre-surgery and could just keep going. Sure I could. Losing has never been my problem! But keeping it off? I have a 100% failure rate. I got surgery to help with the keeping it off part.

I was the same way - I dieted my way up to 415lbs over 3 decades. I needed this tool to help me, too.

When I first told my mom I was thinking about it, she pushed back a bit -- some people regain all their weight, it's pretty drastic, you better figure out why it doesn't work for some people before you go doing that to yourself, etc.

Later when I got my surgery date and told her I was going through with it, she was supportive and said, "well, you really need this" -- so I don't know if she talked to others or if she just had time to think about it, or what.

I'd ask your mom what worries her about you doing it and help allay her concerns a bit, if you think she is coming from a place of fear. You're her baby, no matter how old you are.

And this FAQ on Bariatric Surgery Misconceptions might help if needed.http://asmbs.org/patients/bariatric-surgery-misconceptions

Just don't let her sway you from going forward!

When my weight loss doctor suggested WLS several years ago my mom and i did a cursory look round the world wide web to see what there was out there info wise (don't i wish we had seen this place!) we were so scared by the info we found that I skipped out of my orientation session. since then my mom and i looked at a lot more information and i (after waiting the year i had to wait for skipping my orientation session) went to a new session with my mum and found out that it was not as dire as we had thought not by far.

the only other resistance i have had has been from my in-laws who's main objection seems to be "but you like food!"

oh and the woman on my condo board who when i told her i would be away for a month and could they collect my mail (she asked why i told her. i am not shy by ANY means. and i am excited. so i just blithely chatted on about it) she said it would be better to just eat 7 cup sized portions a day for a month and my stomach would get small on its own. i thought better than to argue with her. i told her i would bring that solution to my doctor to see what he thinks. i didn't but i don't tell her that.

But really Reams of positivity and i have told EVERYONE i know. i am so excited. and so amped up. my sister is a bit reluctant but she is a doctor of the old school who thinks a bit of exercise and less calories will help. i am not sure how she got to this realization as she is the same size as me but a head shorter. so she should know how hard it is to lose weight. i dont put much stock in her opinion anyway

So to sum up. I have told whomever i want and if they dont like it

tough. this is a hard enough thing to do without worrying about people disapproving of you.

you are strong powerful and brave.

no one can change that. you are doing something amazing and so very ambitious (for those who have done it and for those of us not there yet. ) we are amazing.

dont you forget it

Sometimes people just don't get it. People we think are going to be supportive are anything but, while people we think will be against it are all for it. In the end, you and you alone are the one who has to live with your decisions. Support is nice, but not necessary. Do what is best for you and don't worry about what anyone else has to say. There are lots of people here who get it--we will support you and lift you up when you need it. It's going to be ok. You can do this!

Told two very close friends, my husband and my two teen daughters who live with me. Did not tell my mother or my sister because I didn't think they would be supportive I never had a good relationship with my mother. She was always critical of me, even when I was thin. She did not want me to go to my father's funeral because I was fat and was going to embarrass her. She never event noticed I was losing weight.

My sister isn't judgmental but just wouldn't understand. She's never had a weight issue.

I'm just over 6 months and almost 78 pounds out with about 40 to go. I still don't tell many people. I think its harder to deal with negative Nancy than to keep your decision to yourself.

You're not alone. My mother was always telling me I was "the size of a barn" when I weighed 150-190lbs, but quit when I actually became fat 220+; she'd just smile. Twisted relationship, but it taught me to look for support from people who truly have my best interests at heart.

Thank you all for your input! I really appreciate it and am thankful I have this place to vent and get support. I think each and every one of you are such brave souls!

I guess I just thought my mother of all people would be supportive of my decision since she has been the one whose seen me struggle the most and she has been the one who has always made remarks about my weight my whole life. Always "you just keep getting bigger and bigger," "your clothes don't fit you anymore," "what size are you going to be next?" "It's embarrassing to go anywhere with you," "you are so out of shape," "you are cutting your life short," "you shouldn't be eating that" etc. Clearly, she wasn't happy with what I've become so shouldn't she be happy I'm finally doing something about it? Despite the remarks she made about my weight (which really hurt me...I just never told her that) she's been and still is a wonderful mother. I really do think she's just afraid of me taking such a drastic measure to lose the weight and afraid of what could go wrong. I will still do what I have to do though and just hope she will come around later. If not, things will still be ok.

Thanks again! I have a feeling I'll be posting on here quite a bit.

I told three people before surgery and one since. My Medical decisions are no ones business but my own. BTW, my size 4 mother (who has only every weight more than 100 pounds during her pregnancies) would have reacted the same way yours did even though she fat shamed me most of my life.

Just a little update on my situation....

So, I've been doing more and more research on the different surgeries themselves, options I have since my insurance does not cover surgery and just overall patient experiences. I'm still searching for a new job which would offer me coverage, I've applied for Medicaid and I've been looking into different grants and financial assistance the bariatric program offers at my local hospital.

The best news though is that I think my mom is starting to come around. She came over today for a visit and happened to see the information packet I had sitting on the table that I got from the local bariatric program. She looked at me and said "you really want this surgery?" I told her yes!!! I even got her to sit down with me and watch the information video from the bariatric program of the risks and benefits etc. She told me I should schedule an appointment to talk with one of the surgeons. She even offered to help me with the cost of need be.

I'm not sure what has come over her, but I think maybe since she sees I'm really serious about this she is being more supportive and open minded. She of course still has her concerns which she voiced to me, but I think she's finally starting to realize I need this!